The constant battle

You can’t wait to be a Mum and hold that baby in your arms

You miss that big round bump and feeling that life move inside your tummy

You can’t wait to see them crawling around and able to explore some more 

You miss how cute and dependent they were when they ‘just laid there’

You can’t wait to get some sleep and not be waking throughout the night to feed

You miss those little lips on you, that hand stroking your chest, those eyes gazing up

You can’t wait to see those little chubby legs walking around like others, what’s taking so long 

You miss the little baby who wanted to hold on and bounced around on your lap

You can’t wait for them to use that baby cutlery and make less mess

You miss putting that tiny spoon in their little mouth and no shouts or gestures of ‘I do it’

You can’t wait for those first words and to know what it is they need

You miss the little gurgles and raspberry blowing 

You can’t wait to be able to put them down and not have a constant clinging shadow 

You miss the cuddles and snuggles reading or simply dozing on you 

You can’t wait for them to start preschool or nursery, to get some time to ‘get things done’

You miss the noise, laughter and time together, it feels too quiet 

You can’t wait to have more time as they grow and learn

You miss that little baby and see how quick they’ve become this child

You can’t wait to not have to change so many nappies, tidy so many toys, be constantly interrupted 

You miss them needing you, the bright colours and those funny tales 

You can’t wait, you want it now, constantly comparing and looking ahead, until you get it, then

You miss the little one so tiny and needy who saw you as their all and needed you for everything. You realise how fast those days, weeks, months and years fly by 

And you wish you’d just lived it all and enjoyed each stage there and then, instead of looking ahead and wondering when

MOTHERS DAY

Making sure everyone else is happy first

Often in old clothes despite the kids regular wardrobe updates 

Trying her best every day but always judging herself

Here for her family no matter what

Early mornings and busy days everyday for her

Ready to paint, sing, run round softplay, cuddle or change nappies always 

Softest touch and kindest smile 

Don’t ever judge each other, stick together, Mum life is hard

Also a blessing, those big eyes looking at you, those arms around you, the tiny hands in yours

Your turn to get spoilt today, you’re their world 

Please slow down my baby

Seeing those words, that line, announcing you are there
Feeling those flutters within, making me aware

Watching as my bump grows and grows
An overpowering love, nothing else like it does anyone know

Then the day you officially appear on this earth
As they hand you to me, nothing else will ever match up to what you’re worth

Then just like that, it’s like someone takes over the clock
Time’s forever flying by, it just doesn’t stop - ticktock ticktock

Non stop firsts - smile, laugh, wave, tooth, crawl
Trying to record them, amazed and so proud of them all

Those adorable newborn features, a blink and you’re an infant now
Then turn around and a little toddler wow

Your skin still so soft, like the most expensive velvet or silk
Eating more and more, turning away more and more from just milk

Your huge pussycat eyes stare up into mine as you drink your bottle or nurse on my chest
Stroking, holding hands, cuddling, kissing, whatever you do, your little touch always feels the best

You once liked nothing more than to breastfeed from me
Then suddenly you stop, it’s like you no longer need Mummy

Starting to do more and more for yourself
Having to try teach you to listen to no, what’s right/wrong/good for your health

Becoming a Mum has been the most amazing thing to happen to me
But it’s also the toughest, it’s racing by way too quickly

When I picture you I will have the biggest smile even if before there was a frown
Life is zooming by, how fast you change, I wish I could slow it down

Nobody ever tells you how fast it goes
Nor how to stop it, how to slow down these precious moments nobody knows

You try to treasure it all despite the fast pace of life, always non stop
But sometimes it’s not possible, it feels like there’s so many balls to juggle, ready to drop

You’ll always be my baby to me, no matter how big you grow
But please slow down my baby, I love you more than you’ll ever know

No time

No time

No time to keep the house clean and get done all the chores
But always time to make sure that I’m here and I’m always yours

No time to eat a meal slowly and in peace, without little hands wanting some or little mouths crying out
But always time to ensure you don’t go without

No time to keep on top of meeting up with friends
But always time to be careful you have someone on you can depend

No time to remember important to dos to keep adult life running fine
But always time to know all those characters, stories and rhymes line by line

No time to get back to all the messages needing replying to and dates to find seem to never end
But always time to have a caring shoulder, arms or ear to lend

No time to buy nice new clothes for me, sit and do hair, makeup, nails and other beauty
But always time to play, sing, read, draw and get messy

No time to read a really good book, watch a film or listen to music properly
But always time to hold you in my arms or sit with you on my knee

No time for me and daddy to just cuddle and talk for hours like we used to do
But always time to get bags, food and clothes ready for you

No time to plan holidays, dates and nights out
But always time to make sure you get out and about

No time to notice all the mess on my clothes and in my hair
But always time to smile and gaze into your adoring loving stare

No time to be referred to as or make quality time for ‘the old me’
But always time to make note you’re developing as you should be

No time to remember all I always need to do
But always time to show my never ending love for you

In remembrance of our Little Seed

A super secret we'd been keeping, so excited about you

Weirdly I kept constantly worrying, was this all too good to be true

Things started to change and you felt more real

Your body changes quickly, but your heart takes so much longer to heal

We'll never forgot that moment, what should have been so great

Finding out instead it was all bad, so wrong, your sad fate

It feels such a long journey we've been on

Still each day feels so sad that you are gone

People start forgetting, moving on, seems so long ago

Not to us, neverending love and loss, remembering you, we'll always know

Right now I would have been on maternity leave

We would've been counting down to meeting you, not having to grieve 

In less than a month you'd be here

Making our life complete, our first baby, so dear 

Tonight we light a candle at 7 just for you

We will always love you, remember and miss you too

All those people out there who too have loved, lost and grieve

It's so sad how many have been through it, so hard to believe 

I salute you all who've made it through 

More than once, at later stages and more, something nobody should ever have to do 

Thanks go to our friends and family who've been so strong for us

Always there and ready to listen, not thinking we're just making a fuss

All the flowers, cards and thoughts we got back in May

Proved to me just how much our Little Seed would've been loved each and every day 

So on this day of remembrance we light this candle for you 

For our eternally loved first child who never made it through 

For all those others like us who know how it truly feels 

Maybe never born but still oh so very real 

Little Seed we love you and always forever will 

One day I hope your brother/sister will come, you'll always be there and remembered of course still 

Rest in peace and watch over us our angel baby

We loved you and always will, love your Mummy & Daddy xxx

One Week On

A week since we found out we'd lost you

It feels like mere moments we've been through

The rollercoaster ride continues, small improvements then massive drops

Emotions constantly changing, the heartache tears, anger and hurt never stops

Starting to see small positives in those around us

Friends, family, work all supporting and there to make a fuss

Such kind words, thoughtful touches, gifts and offers of helping hands 

Truly appreciating all we have, even those we thought maybe were not part of our life plans 

Truly thinking of ways to remember our Little Seed

So grateful of those who've been there in our worst moment of need

Sharing experiences with those who've been through this same hell

At times surprised by some who I thought I knew well

Not trusting my thoughts, feelings or body, time to time 

Trying not to jump to conclusions, knowing not all impressions are truly mine

My love for my partner continues to grow and grow

His kindness, support and never-ending giving means more than you could know 

Truly learning for the first time to put me at the number one spot

So many lessons from this harrowing experience I feel I've got

That empty feeling I doubt can ever be filled, I can't believe anymore tears could exist within me

I'll always miss and love our Little Seed, though I hope in time we will be able to have another baby 

It would be truly, loved, wanted like no other

But wouldn't be our first baby, but Little Seed's sister or brother 

Valentine's Day

14th February, the day of love. Or a day for companies to charge the earth for red roses, tacky heart adorned products and overly long waits in restaurants with sub-standard cooked food.

Thought I better add that in there for the singletons and people who hate these card company commercial events!

As part of being in a relationship with someone who works shifts, unfortunately my man is working until 11pm this evening and so any efforts to mark this occasion will not be taking place today, on the day itself.

Well, that’s what we agreed, but as always I’ve been surprised (when will I ever learn) and I was still presented with a card (and a bonus card) and some beautiful flowers this morning when I woke up in a rush for work.

Already on the back foot I have been feeling guilty today, but we said we’d do all celebrations tomorrow when he has the day off, honest!!

I often get lots of little themed bits and pieces for him to open and feel all pleased with myself and then when we swap my stuff ends up looking rubbish! (I swear sometimes I am more like the stereotypical man in our relationship!)

Anyway this year I have decided to be different. Of course I can’t share with you what exactly as then it will give my plans away! I just hope I don’t end up being the one who looks rubbish again this year (this morning is not the best sign of that so far though!)

Although I don’t like looking like the rubbish one in the relationship, I can’t complain. I’d rather this than constantly be let down!

I’ve been looking forward to Valentine’s Day this year as it’s our first as an engaged couple (yes I do think of everything that way now).

However, looking to sell my flat and buy a house we had agreed this year we’d keep costs down and likely just cook a nice meal indoors on Saturday.

Thanks to my romantic partner, we have something else planned now.

He has come up with a lovely idea, which I thought I’d share – recreating our first date(s)!

This August we will have been together for 9 years (longer than some marriages as someone highlighted to me earlier this week!) and when I think back to when we first met I can still remember what I was wearing/he was wearing and how I felt.

I used to work in the Canary Wharf area in London and those that know it will know nearby there is a nice area called West India Quay which is home to lots of lovely waterfront bars, places to eat and similar. Obviously meeting somewhere like that in Summer was great as it was lovely and warm and a great location in the sun.

We’d first been introduced/forced together in April when his family and friends were ‘wetting the baby’s head’ for his nephew and then we were texting and in touch until finally we managed to arrange this date in August!
It went so well when we met up that we ended up having 2 dates in 1 week!

As we soon came to realise we both love talking (friends and family will definitely vouch for that). On our first date we’d agreed to meet for a drink and then head to see a film. We were talking so much we missed the film and ended up just chatting and then going for a meal (a huge step for me given I used to hate eating in front of men I liked!) The second time round we did manage to go see a film and again had a great time.

So we’ve decided (although it won’t be quite as sunny and warm in February!) for our celebrations this year we’re going to recreate those dates, with a few extras.

A relaxed day, mooching round a museum, having a relaxed lunch and drinks, watching a film and then a lovely tapas meal for dinner and reminiscing of when we first met. I can’t wait!

Enjoy your Valentine’s whatever you do and whenever you do them…

Since when did relationships mean so little?

Tonight I tuned into Celebrity Big Brother.

Yes my TV choice is poor and trashy, I'm the first to admit that. I'll also 'fess up the reason I was so keen to watch it on +1 was because I'd heard a former housemate was coming back in to stir up trouble surrounding 'love rat' Lee Ryan (former member of boyband Blue).

Getting ready to wind down and head to bed this Sunday evening before work tomorrow I'm fuming at the attitude and behaviour of this childish 'player' who's messed non stop with the heads and hearts (and goodness knows what else!) of two of the reality show's female participants.

Whilst I am fully aware this is all fun and games for the cameras and to set up the headlines for their gossip and celebrity magazine features, Mr Ryan's antics got me thinking about a topic I've been meaning to blog about for a while.

Relationships. And in particular this seemingly increasingly common attitude to not taking them seriously. 

Throughout my life and friendship groups I've seen many experiences of people cheating, breaking up and things not being as well as they seemed on the surface. 

However whether it's been cheating, break ups or divorce, with people I know or those I've simply heard about, one common theme seems to run true. 

Relationships, moreso loyalty just does not seem to count for much anymore.

When did things change and it became so commonplace to walk away from a long term relationship without trying? 

Who prompted this behaviour of as soon as you've taken the next step (marriage, moving in together) one partner is tempted elsewhere? 

I've lost count of the number of females who have relayed tales of nights out being approached by men in relationships (most commonly married). 

Or people who seem to stay faithful for years of courtship and then do the dirty not long after tying the knot.

Me and my partner have always had similar views on this topic thankfully.

However, since getting engaged myself just over a month ago it hits home even harder for me now.

I just cannot imagine making that commitment (and why would you) to someone and not taking it seriously.

Don't get me wrong. I'm no angel and I've done my fair share of behaving badly, but I was very young and foolish and having grown up and being in what I realised were actual 'proper' relationships I've known I'd never ever do those things again.

Plus those of you who have ever been cheated on you'll know how it feels and personally I couldn't do that to another human after being through it myself. 

And I'm not trying to say us ladies are saints, oh no I know plenty of tales from both sides of the gender fence and ages too. 

I may sound extremely old fashioned and of course I don't want us to go back to a time when people were ashamed and frightened and stayed in abusive and unhappy relationships as a result. That is no good.

But in typical boy meets girl (or of course even boy meets boy) situations what's wrong with trying to stick at it and stay strong, trying to work through things together? 

Or even those who don't have issues to get through, why isn't one person enough? Why get yourself into these committed situations if you don't want to/can't commit? 

If you like to sleep around or have a wandering eye don't set up home with someone in the first place! 

And as for people with children that 'play away from home' that is something I just can't even talk about. 

I've always been a natural flirt when I'm out and my boyfriend is well aware, I think banter with the opposite sex is normal and harmless. In fact there is nothing wrong with appreciating that someone is attractive. But you don't act on it. 

Recently I went to a club which was one of my favourites. I love going out drinking and having a good dance (especially if there's garage involved!) I always remember commenting positively to the girls before on the types of men who go there. 

This was my first time back there since I got engaged. The music was okay and I had fun with friends, but I found all I wanted to do was stand/dance with my man and kept checking my ring sparkling away! 

One of the things I love about being engaged is feeling I really belong to someone (not in a caveman-esque way). Knowing someone cares about me that they want to spend the rest of their life with me.

I believe and hope that is what they mean by this gesture as well. 

When I sit and look at that ring on my finger I think of the person who gave it to me. I think of the future ahead. I think of the times we've been through. I don't for one second panic I'm now trapped and stuck with one person forever. I don't long for my hen night so I can plan one last evening to be a bit naughty. 

I just am so thankful it's finally my turn and I've found a soulmate. 

How people can take that sort of commitment with a pinch of salt and throw it away or treat it like it's nothing I will never know. 

Everybody has different goals and thoughts in life, but for me this is something that can't change over time.

You find love, you treat it with the respect it deserves and you sure as hell don't waste it. 

All you need is love

I'm not in the best of moods today. I'm hungover, I'm tired and I'm 'in the bad books' with the boyfriend.

Realising I couldn't hole up in my little flat today and feel sorry for myself because I needed to go shopping did not help.

People getting in my way, a rude, ungrateful old woman on the bus and overheated shops weren't doing my mood any favours either.

You can hazard a guess at my feelings when one shop worker kept referring to me as 'dear' too. I should add he was young and saying it to me the way you might say 'you alright dear?' to an old lady in the street if they were struggling!

However, something happened today which brought tears to my eyes, put a huge smile on my face and reminded me of how lovely life and people can be.

I was queuing up and to be honest getting a bit impatient having to wait (I warned you I was in a bad mood today!) 

"Can you just ice it with three three o please?...Bit random I know."

Being nosey I started listening in when the guy in front of me made his request to the shop assistant. 

And of course I started thinking how odd it was to get a small chocolate tablet iced with some numbers. What could it be? Some code with a loved one? Or a football or sporting reference with his mates? 

The young female shop assistant quipped "What's that your house number or something?" 

Looking sheepish the guy laughed "That obvious is it?" 

Both shop girl and I looked confused. 

At this the guy started to elaborate and my heart and ice maiden mood started to melt. 

"Yeah it is our house number, our new house actually. I've just been and completed on it today."

Aw what a nice little gift for your girlfriend/boyfriend. 

"My girlfriend doesn't know we've got it"

What? How? Surely he means she didn't know it was going to complete today or something.

"Yeah when we saw it she was just like 'I want this one' and I've managed to keep it all a surprise from her."

Aw... Shopgirl and I oohed and aahed how sweet this was. What a surprise!! Nice guy.

"Actually we're going out tonight for dinner where I'm going to tell her."

Aw...

"And I'm actually going to propose to her tonight."

Oh. My. God. What a man. What a lucky girl. 

"Yeah the place we're going to eat is somewhere I used to work actually and where we first met, she came in and I served her." 

Eyes now welled up, my face was beaming with the biggest smile and both me and the shop assistant cooed over him, saying what a romantic guy, what an amazing boyfriend.

At that he took his small chocolate gift and the shopgirl said she hoped his girlfriend said yes. How couldn't she?

"Good luck!" we shouted after him as he left. 

Wow. What an incredible evening for this couple, an out of this world surprise for this girl and a lovely lovely new life ahead for them both. 

I had to stop myself Facebooking and Tweeting this experience immediately. I walked out smiling and with a bit of a bounce in my step. Nothing like some human kindness and a bit of romance to brighten your day. 

So as I sit on my sofa still feeling the effects of last night's boozing I hope said couple have a wonderful night and thank them for cheering up this moaning moody madam! 

How many of our generation will celebrate a ruby wedding anniversary?

Today my parents celebrate their ruby wedding anniversary. That's forty years together. 40.

This makes me happy because it shows relationships can last and people can spend their whole lives together when they get married.

Now don't get me wrong I was bought up in a healthy happy family - my parents, grandparents and aunt and uncle all stayed together. I wasn't surrounded by divorce.

However it's as I've got older and I've felt like I'm surrounded by relationships not lasting and cheating a seemingly commonplace and acceptable behaviour.

So today I am happy for my parents and look forward to cooking them a nice meal and celebrating with them later today.

However, I also feel a touch sad at the fact something tells me they lasted this long since they are from an older generation and this isn't going to be something experienced much in my later years.

Since when did relationships seem to mean less, when was it decided it's easier to throw things away and start anew than work on things? How come so many people seem so laid back about cheating?

I used to be shocked when I heard about people I know splitting up because somebody cheated. Now? It still upsets me, but I almost expect it from some.

Yes if I'm honest it isn't what I'd planned - still being officially 'single' at the age of 30. I have a boyfriend of over seven years but we don't live together, we're not engaged or married. We don't have children together.

Don't worry I'm not about to freak my man out, he knows how I feel as I do him!!

One thing is though I trust him completely and we have a very trusting and healthy relationship I feel. It's all about give and take, we're realistic, we're best of friends. So no we've not had the big day or have a lovely house to show our friends round or have family over to, but together we're happy.

In this day and age if I'm honest I feel this is probably worth a whole lot more.

Bookworm: The Love of my life by Louise Douglas

I've just finished my first fiction book in a while, no longer reading about real life people and their travelling antics. This time I've moved over to love and loss and a fictional offering.

Not the wisest way to choose a book, but yet again I was tempted in by a Kindle recommendation/cheap price offer.

On reading the blurb I was hoping for a PS I Love You type offering. The Love of my life wasn't quite this. However it appealed because it was a bit different.

When you read about a young widow you often are met with a kindhearted character who was so good in life you can't understand how such a tragedy happened to her. With Olivia Feliccone this is not the case.

Don't expect a timid, mild mannered young female in the main character - you'll in fact be met with a strong woman, with an eventful past who uses her looks in life.

Although the story of Olivia, widowed after her husband Luca dies in a motorway accident, is moving, you'll be surprised by how she and her deceased partner are characterised. Even Luca turns out to be a bad boy and not the prodigal son in a big Italian family as you may have expected.

The way Douglas writes is addictive and she makes her characters different to what you'd expect.

Not as much happened in the book as I thought it would and it focusses more on present day than Olivia and Luca's history together.

I feel you learn why Olivia is the way she is, but the emotion and the love between her and her husband isn't heavily described - there isn't much scene setting of their love.

At first I found this made it hard to sympathise as much with the main female and I worried I wouldn't feel the emotions involved. However in little references Douglas makes throughout you start to realise how close they were.

Good bits
Addictive reading
Easy to read
Strong characters
Different to what you're expecting

Not so great
If you were expecting a soppy love story and a happy ever after you'll be disappointed
Not enough description of Luca and Olivia's relationship
At times you're unsure whether to like the main character or not

Overall I liked the fact this book took a refreshing approach and turned a typical romantic tragedy on its head somewhat to create a read which was addictive and unexpected.

He loves me, she loves me more

Apparently people like to read blog posts that come right out and say something that causes debate.

Well, I've got one for you - in relationships one person always loves the other more.

Recently this has caused a few conversations at work and with friends outside of work. So I thought I'd put it to you. What do you think?

Think about it. Honestly. Just step back a minute and seriously consider this. If you're in a relationship stop and wonder, or think back to previous partners. Who always seemed to keep giving no matter what? Who truly loved without judgement?

"But our relationship is equal" "We love each other just the same". Rubbish. And I hate to break it to you, but if you're the one arguing this you're probably the one that loves more.

Does one of you tend to back down in arguments more than the other? Is one of you always dreaming of an ideal future of beautiful babies and a wonderful wedding day?

Now I'm not saying this is a negative situation. Far from it, I think this is what keeps relationships healthy. In the same way those couples who 'never argue' leave you rolling your eyes, because everyone knows a tiff now and then does no harm and keeps a spark.

Like most things in life, you need balance. The same is said for love.

It doesn't always have to be the same either, oh no I'm quite open to the fact that this can change. Over the life of a relationship who loves who more will inevitably change, depending on what events you both go through together.

Even if you love someone with all your heart and soul, you may be the one who loves less in your relationship. This is because it doesn't necessarily mean you don't love or care for someone, just the other person loves you just that little bit more. It doesn't make you the 'baddie'.

Of course there are relationships where one person loves less for negative reasons - they're cheating, they've fallen out of love and don't know how to tell their partner - but all I'm saying is it doesn't always have to be this way.

So there I've said it. There's always one who loves the other more in a relationship. What do you think? Am I talking rubbish? Am I nasty for even saying this out loud? Have I spoken about the 'unsaid'? Or am I scarred from past bad relationships? Let me know.

The other thing, someone said to me in our 'discussion' that you're better off being the one who loves less, you'll always be happy and cherished. I tend to agree. But what if you're naturally the bigger lover? Can you reduce your levels of love?

And as for my relationships, who do I think was/is the one to love more?....



You really think I'm that stupid? I'm not writing about that!!

Valentines Day

Lingering kisses and romantic wishes
Breakfast in bed, offers to do the dishes

Long lines of loving words as cards are exchanged
Excitement over what surprise plans have been arranged

Dining out, eating in
Champagne corks popping, glasses chinking

Watching loved up films on TV or at the cinema
Everywhere you look, themed gifts wherever you are

Everything red or covered in hearts
Flowers, teddy bears, underwear, it must look the part

Girls dressed in red, guys frantically rushing round for gifts
Wanting to impress and make sure the day's a hit

Or longingly watching the letterbox and doormat
Waiting for a card, ooh...what was that?

Surrounded by reminders you're on your own
Couples affectionate around you, you wish you'd stayed home

Constant announcements of love all day
If someone's desperately in love you hope they'll stay away

As people gush over their planned meals out and already what they've done
You're thinking ahead to your flat, alone and with your meal for one

Memories of lost loves and previous years
You make jokes about the day instead, you won't waste any tears

Whatever Valentine's may mean to you
I wish you a good day and know there's definitely people out there that love you

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

Confused

How do you know when it's right or it's wrong
When to be more caring, or rather be strong?
To go with your heart more than using your head
Are you thinking your own thought or being easily led?
Should you give in to what feels easiest and best
Is it wrong to compare along with all the rest
How can you tell what's normal in life
Should it be more plain sailing and less of this strife?
When the tears are falling are they through sadness or joy
Are your feelings being played with like some sort of toy
Trying to do what you think is best
To give your mind and thoughts some kind of rest
Is sharing really gossiping and creating a sense of sides
Just talking and talking, your heart open wide
Creating a bad impression of those involved
Worrying about life's plans and now getting old
Enjoying alone time, then the guilt that soon follows
Wondering if all will become clear when waking tomorrow
Thinking you've reached a final decision in your mind
Then changing it over time after time
Guilt of not thinking enough about what matters
Focussing on the mundane when your world could be in tatters
The knot in your stomach that won't go away
Wanting to be held so much but not sure if that's the way
Wishing there was some kind of rule book of how these thing work
Have they taken the path of hardworking, or chosen to shirk
If love is no doubt then what else should matter in a world such as this
Having that comfort and a warm tender kiss
Is it wrong to be so comfortable with one another
Or is such an achievement something you should celebrate together
Over and over, round and round
The thoughts in your head are silent, but they make such a sound
Constant debate over what action to take
So worried what's best, no decision can you make
Feeling so free and rested for the shortest of times
Then soon back to the worry and whether to cross that line
Are family, love and length of time enough
Or does there have to be more nowadays when things are so tough
Feeling a nag, a bore and a constant teacher
Always dishing out support and advice like some kind of preacher
Placed on some kind of pedestal so high and so tall
Feeling like perhaps now might be your time to fall
Who will be there for you if you are suddenly alone
Are you giving up that future, that love and that home
When will life be less of the hiccups and blips to get over
Not asking much just the basics to mull over
Two jobs, a home, drive and ambition
Not feeling the everyday has to be such a mission
Just wanting to see some drive, common sense and a proactive approach
Without needing to be a makeshift lifecoach
Wanting to support like I have received
Worrying if I am selfish in this enforced rule to succeed
Time to stop now, I could continue all through the night
Worrying and debating what's wrong or what's right

Where did all the love go?

I’ve been wondering lately – in the words of one of my favourite bands - where did all the love go?

Recently I kind of lost faith in relationships and marriage. You are constantly bombarded in the press with stories of celebrity couples breaking up, footballers cheating on their wives and stats on how many marriages now end in divorce.

When it hits close to home it really starts to sink in though and this is what’s happened over the last couple of years. I’ve witnessed close friends divorce after less than two years of marriage because both of them cheated on one another (one to a much greater extent than the other). Obviously not everyone can stay together, but this pair appeared to be the happiest, most loved-up couple you can imagine – on the surface – always snuggled up and romantic, he wrote and sang a song on their wedding day, been together since college, I won’t go on.

Maybe of less importance, some may argue, I’ve also seen close friends of mine in a relationship break up, again due to infidelity. They’ve since both moved on and seem to be with more suitable partners, which is a good thing. However, people cheating on each other now seems to be an extremely acceptable fact of life, which I for one, find extremely sad.

What I don’t understand is why do people stay with someone if they’re not really happy. I don’t mean in circumstances when you’re stuck with Mr Nasty and can’t seem to let go (I think we’ve all seemed to have one of those!) What I’m referring to is people who stay with their other half when they are looking elsewhere and often going elsewhere too… Why stay with that person if you want to be free and single? A one off is bad enough, but at least it can be classed as a mistake, but regularly cheating on someone, why do it?

We all know someone who’s a bit of a lad and likes to flirt and try it on with people, it just seems to be their character, but when they settle down to get married to someone they claim to love surely all this stops? You should love each other for the true person they are and for all their faults when you get with someone, but to me that shouldn’t include cheating. Yet I’ve heard of people being approached for ‘a bit of fun’ with such a person on their stag do and even someone having their bum pinched at the wedding reception by the groom!

In a similar way, people who use their stag or hen do as an excuse to sleep with or ‘get off with’ someone, just does not cut it with me. Don’t get me wrong when I have my hen do – whenever that may be – I plan to have lots of fun and use it as a reason to have a real good time with my girl friends. Perhaps I might even indulge in a cheesy stripper and party dares, but I will not be getting involved with any males who happen to be there. Your hen or stag is not really your last chance to let your hair down nowadays, it’s not like you become locked up indoors when you get married. To me it’s a chance to celebrate your great news and love for your partner with your closest friends.

It almost seems increasingly that people get married for the big day – the dress, the presents, the party – rather than what should be key to the event…that old fashioned concept of love.

Now don’t worry (I sense you’ll be feeling at this point the post is becoming rather negative and whiney), my belief in love and relationships recently has been restored. This is all thanks to a very close friend of mine, we haven’t known each other for that long in the grand scheme of things, but we tell each other near enough everything. This friend brought me to tears and made me feel so touched a few months back by asking me to be her Maid of Honour – just me, no other bridesmaids, just little old me walking down the aisle with her and helping her plan her big day.

On first glance I appreciate this looks rather biased on my part, but the reason I am feeling more hopeful is because of the way this lady is handling it all. The couple are getting married for one reason and one reason only – they love each other. This ceremony isn’t going to include great old aunty Maud who you haven’t seen for years, or that distant cousin who only pops up at weddings and funerals. Oh no this wedding is actually about the two most important people – the bride and groom. They are having everything on their special day to represent their personalities and their beliefs. Not only is this a refreshing approach, but one I think other people could learn from. It’s not a case of going old fashioned and following tradition either, all plans are being made around their relationship and its history and some are far from conventional.

I can’t describe how pleased I was for said friend when she told me she’d got engaged, I know she wanted it for some time and was unsure when the big day would arrive. Her man loves her very very much and shows his affection in his own way, but he is very private and not prone to grand gestures. So when he proposed in a romantic setting within a city associated with love it came as a double surprise and to me shows just how much she means to him.

Perhaps there is hope out there then and there are still people in relationships because they love that person and are happy being with them and only them. I have been with my boyfriend for six years this August and am more than happy with him and couldn’t ask for a more caring and supportive guy to be with.

So to all my single friends out there, keep positive – there is true love out there and you will find your Prince/Princess Charming one day, I have. To all those people not happy in relationships and wanting to see if they can have their cake and eat it, please think it through - the grass is not always greener. And if you’ve reached that stage where your boyfriend/husband/wife/girlfriend is not enough for you then please don’t break their heart, do the right thing and end it. Life’s too short to be with someone you’re not satisfied with and love is too precious a gift to waste.