Tuesday, 30 June 2015

Booty-full burlesque

An Evening Of Burlesque

Years ago women showcasing their bodies and moving around in underwear would likely conjur up very negative opinions and bring to mind terms such as stripper, tart and easy.


Suggest a woman would go to see such things and admire the female form and you would cause insult and embarrassment.


When you think of burlesque what comes to mind?


According to some family members when I spoke to them recently their impression would be a sleazy strip show and an altogether dirty affair.


So, well aware I am very late to this party I should add, I recently experienced burlesque.

I’d never really thought about it until a few years ago when a colleague told me they were going to see Burlesque with some girl friends and there was talk of something called the Hurly Burly show. 

I’ve also obviously heard of the likes of Dita Von Teesebut  that is as far as my knowledge goes. 


The work colleague didn’t go into too much detail, but suggested they’d had a really good and fun night, ever since I’ve been meaning to try out a burlesque show but it’s never really come about.


Cut to the ever wonderful little local theatre where I live in Hornchurch, the Queens Theatre.


Recently I received one of their regular emails as to what’s on or coming up at the venue.


And what did I see? An Evening of Burlesque.


Reasonably priced and with seats left, I decided to ask my Mum and Auntie if they fancied a visit. Something different, quite last minute, shall we give it a try?


They agreed and we bought our tickets.


Well, I was not expecting what we experienced, mostly in how varied it was.


Yes of course the ladies are in underwear, corsets, stockings and glamour girl makeup (old school glamour I should add here, not Page 3/Essex Girl style!) The women were in all shapes and sizes which I loved, I knew burlesque tends to be relatively curvy girls, but each performer was different.


Whether the show we picked was a good introduction maybe I don’t know, but it was great.


We had a group of dancers, The Folly Mixtures, a compere Ms Ivy Paige, a showgirl in the traditional champagne glass, a hilarious comic ‘ballerina’ (a big guy dressed up pretending to be a Russian ballerina who helped embarrass many of the male audience members), burlesque stripping and dancing and lots and lots of laughs. Along with very high heels and beautiful costumes.


It was a real good way to spend an evening and I’ve since suggested to my other half we go see a show in London together.


Have any of you seen burlesque before? What was your experience like?


Do you think it’s cheesy and derogatory to women? 


Or do you think, as I currently do, it’s great fun and helps celebrate the female form and women’s confidence and beauty in all shapes, sizes and styles?



Monday, 29 June 2015

Counting away the days

Reminders reminders everywhere

Full flowing tears coming back and that stare

Everyone around seems to be having a baby

Ads, TV programmes, friends, all the picture of a happy family

Missing my Little Seed even more, that empty feeling even stronger inside

I thought I’d nearly reached the end of this emotional rollercoaster ride

Returning to work, people being nice, but I’m shocked how tired I seem

Just can’t believe it’s all real, life has gone and smashed our dream

Realising at this point it’d be the halfway mark

Right now we should be happy, having another scan, not in a world so cruel and dark

That desperate need to be a Mummy and having that little bump

Instead feeling lost, confidence blown, feeling a big fat lump

Getting nervous over the most basic day to day things

I thought the real me was back, until again started this sad daydreaming

People counting down, it was so long ago,

Surely she’s better and moved on? It’s forever, do they not know

That little life that ended all too soon, never to make it into our arms and world

A memory box is all that we have and my instinct our baby was a boy not a girl

Celebrating special events with loved ones are all too bittersweet

Reminders of where we should or could have been, fitting into our lifeplan all nice and neat

Instead seeing others with what we were meant to have, although of course happy for them too

Every day every night that slap in the face, trampling on your heart, it’s no longer that way for you

Moving forward and having good times again, feeling life maybe has some meaning for now

Yet then you’re suddenly down and questioning and crying and grieving, such a dive, how?

Up and down, smiles then frown, sparks back in your eyes then teardrops

Feeling until you have that baby, maybe this will never stop?

Sunday, 28 June 2015

In need of a gardening guru

For the first time ever I am blogging from my garden!

Granted, I've likely blogged from outside before as I do mostly tend to write posts on my phone whilst out and about or sitting in a packed train carriage or public area. I've yet to have my own area though that belongs to me.

For 3 years whilst I was at Uni and for 7 years whilst owning my first home - a flat - I didn't have a garden. Well technically in my flat I had a small 'communal garden' and for 2 of the 3 years we had a garden whilst at Uni. None of these were 'proper' gardens.

We moved into our house end of September last year. It was the first property myself and my fiance were going to own together and so far so good - well we've survived being in the house without killing eachother for now!This is the first house I've owned and the first property full stop my partner has owned.

One of the big things I always missed when living in a flat was the chance to go outside. I love my sun and you can normally find I'm in a better mood when the sun is shining and I'm feeling healthier with a glowing tan.

Now the rain has stopped today (well it was really hot yesterday and this is the UK!) it feel so nice to be able to come out into our own little private area and enjoy some fresh air. Where our patio area is - and where I'm sitting at our recently bought garden table and chairs set - feels really private and secluded as I'm almost hidden in a corner, behind a small extension area and next to a high fence. Just me and my thoughts.

In addition, we live in a small little crescent and there is hardly any noise when you sit out here, apart from birds tweeting and other people who live nearby.

Our garden is pretty small in all fairness, but to us it's a start and it's our garden, and realistically due to our different working hours and not having much time together as it is, how big a garden do we really need in all honesty?

This garden is small and compact, but most of it gets the sun and it suits us just fine.

But, I have a question for you - how do you decide what to do with your garden?

When we bought our house we soon realised - on viewings and once we'd moved in - that the former owners were very keen gardeners. Our garden was in immaculate condition when we moved in - shaped lawn, lots of bushes and plants, a cute little hanging bird table, a little shed, they left us their lawnmower and washing line. We were set up. Or so we thought.

The key word in the paragraph above is bushes! Yes there may have been lots of perfectly pruned and healthy bushes when we moved in, but fast forward to springtime and everything was kind of a bit overgrown. More of a problem than that, our garden is small and taking up two big chunky sides of it with bushes does not help that situation.

So recently we've decided to cut almost everything away and start again. Yes right now the garden looks bare and a bit of a mess, and it did take a lot of hard work (and many scratches, cuts, bruises and garden tools), but there is so much space to play with.

The problem now?

Well, we're stuck.

We need to decide what we really want it to look like and how it will work for us and we either don't agree with each other, or - in my case - can't even decide a consistent theme with ourselves.

For example, I love the idea of painting the fences a colour rather than creosote and painting the shed another colour - more pastel - to match the new colour fencing. I also like the idea of a small water feature (very small), but I don't want a load of hassle of water pumps, electricity etc so want to see if we could find a basic one. I one minute want thin flowerbeds to replace the wide ones we have now and put lots of colourful flowers in, but then I'd really love the sides paved - still thinner than they are now - and big pots on them instead. Already I've bought a small Buddha head statue for the garden as I've always wanted one.

See? A bit of a mixed bag of ideas here? You want to check out my Pinterest Garden folder to see just how bad!

My other half seems on board with most of my opinions, but his concern with paving and pots is we won't have much colour in the garden. And where I think we could pave one edge, but the other have turf right to the fence, he thinks it all has to match.

How can it be so complicated for such a small space of land?

When you add in we don't have tons of money to spend, we've not got lots of time to spend gardening (to do it up and in future to keep things alive!) and we're already into July next week, it's leaving me a bit doubtful we'll ever get it right this year before rain, storms and snow set back in!

We've also come to realise what a sign of ageing it also is to be so interested in our garden! To top it off, in order to get all tooled up with garden equipment, we used the Tesco Clubcard Double Up campaign and exchanged all our vouchers for items such as - gardening gloves, secateurs, rake, spade, fork, shears, loppers and more. We did also buy a small basic barbecue and some utensils for that, but we've not had a chance to actually have a BBQ yet!

I'd love to hear what other people out there have done with their gardens. Right now any help we can get we could do with.

I'll try to keep you posted on progress - if there is any! - and just keep my fingers crossed the previous owners never see this and hate us for ruining their beautiful blooming garden!

Tuesday, 16 June 2015

The final step

Last time I wrote on here, it was a week since my op. Now, a week later, it's two weeks since my op and my journey upwards seems to be continuing. 

Don't get me wrong there have still been bad days along the way. Aside from excess weight and some small things, I'm feeling more like me every day.

I've remembered to carry on with small steps each day and to take things slow. Which is hard for someone who's super impatient and can be quite self critical!

I've been trying to do some form of exercise most days - whether that's a walk by the sea, in the countryside or on a treadmill, or even helping my fiancé in the garden! 

In the last week I got back in the gym, I've been told I'm not allowed to gym it yet. However, in my mind being allowed to walk outside is no different to walking on a machine so I've given it a go (treadmill walking for 90 minutes is SO exciting as I'm sure you can imagine!) 

Socially I've been gradually seeing friends too, some even on my own - a huge step compared to where I was! 

Recently I've also met up with a friend who's expecting - something that many people have had bad experiences of and I was super nervous of I'll admit. Thankfully it all went really well, I don't know if that's because my friend is so nice and is laid back herself or if I was on a 'good day'. Either way it went well. 

Now the next and possibly last step I guess, is to return to work. Again, luckily my company have been supportive so far and I'm easing back in. It feels a huge deal to me though so I'm hoping that like all the other things I've built up it'll actually be okay. 

I'm now reading again, have been enjoying some nice food and drink, having to relax and rest when it's been sunny has meant my skin is looking pretty healthy and quite brown and I'm looking forward to plans again - theatre visits, enjoying films, planned gigs, my friend's wedding and being bridesmaid and more. 

I've also completed something before this journey ends (well I don't think it'll ever end but it'll become more positive than a struggle I hope). My memory box for Little Seed is complete - I got a nice box, all the memories and key items are all included and I also got some nice trinkets and pieces in memory too. I'm really pleased with how the box has turned out and now we've got something we can always look back on. 

As our garden is an ongoing (and also seems like it's going to be long) project, we've not opted for a plant in memory as yet.

So wish me luck, my last scary step begins tomorrow! 

Tuesday, 9 June 2015

Some relief

This time last week I was being discharged from hospital after my op - the ERPC, surgical management or D&C - whatever you want to call it.

Thank goodness the op seems to be slowly bringing me back to me again and helping us try move forward from this hell we've been experiencing.

I was petrified when I found out I had to have the operation, especially after two lots of medical management (the tablets). 

As I tried to get my head round the idea I did try to tell myself this could be it, this could be the only way now to really stop the physical side and help me and my fiancé to move forward. 

Thank goodness, 1 week on and I feel like the op has been the answer. Yes I've still got a way to go in some aspects, but it seems to be doing what it should. 

Yes, I'm furious the hospital and NHS in general didn't support me more (although on op day they were great) and that if things had been clearer I could have had this op done weeks ago and skipped weeks of this nightmare (the physical side at least). 

For now though I'm thankful it seems to have worked. It's time to focus on me and my fiancé, attempting to get more 'normal' again and remembering our Little Seed and holding him/her in our hearts always and forever.

Wednesday, 3 June 2015

Lovely words - the right time

I heard some really interesting words from a pregnant mother in the EPU recently.

She'd had four miscarriages, her fifth baby survived, she was now pregnant again (just shy of 20 weeks).

Talking of miscarriages she said: 
I think it's the same baby coming back to you until it's the right time [for them to be with you and for their health and development].

I thought that was a lovely way to think of it and look forward to a time when Little Seed returns and it is their right time xx