I’ve just got home from a spin class at my local gym - first time in over a year! I’m buzzing and hooray it’s seemingly sparked something in my brain.
Sat down for a quick cuppa before another shower and going to pick up my twins from preschool, I’ve switched on the television to this...
Ta-dah my little brain has switched on and FINALLY I’ve found a topic I want to blog about!
Let’s be honest this year has been pretty bleak and stressful and quite frankly I’ve found it hard to find time or even anything to inspire me to blog...
Here it is. So can Mums be friends with daughters? This is a question the Jeremy Vine Show has posed today - I should just add it also was great to see an all female panel/hosts today too on a topical program which debates current affairs.
I guess the way I’ll be answering this is two fold - one as my role as a daughter myself and secondly as my position now as a mother to my own daughters (and a son).
When I was younger I loved my parents dearly and had a good relationship with both of them and I remember getting comfort when young from my Mum but knowing she was in charge as the adult. I wouldn’t say at that point it was necessarily as a friend it was a family love and relationship.
However once I got older at secondary school, becoming a teen and starting to get good old hormones things changed. You don’t want to be seen with your parents it’s embarrassing and not cool. I wouldn’t want my Mum to come in dressing rooms with me and we’d bicker over clothes and our opinions. I look back now and I totally get why this made my Mum so sad.
Having a precious innocent four year and two year old twins I can’t even imagine them not needing or wanting me. They’re constantly telling me I’m their best friend and showering me with kisses and cuddles. The thought they’d not want me around and be embarrassed or similar feels like it would kill me!
On starting college and trying to ‘rebel’ a bit I used to constantly argue with both my Mum and Dad.
But then I moved out, got my own place after University and something switched...me and my Mum’s relationship changed - we genuinely became friends! We enjoyed each other’s company, we talked and shared experiences. It was really nice.
Following that when I became a Mum myself - wow that’s the biggest game changer. Suddenly you understand her ways, her behaviour, her rules when you were young. The love she has for you. It all suddenly makes sense!
I’m going by my experiences of course. I mean we’ve all seen the different types of Mum and daughter relationships - there are those who used to dress young and act young and almost be like a sister to their daughter.
The idea when I was a teenager of going on a night out with my Mum was just totally unfathomable. However I’ve heard of Mums clubbing with their daughter in tow.
For me? No thanks I don’t think that’d work.
When younger you need to set boundaries and make sure you’ve got the respect level with your children so they know you’re the adult and in charge. In that sense I guess you’re not their friend, but I think it’s equally as important for them to trust in you like a friend and feel they can come to you and talk to you about anything. Especially in these days and times with new pressures, cyber bullying and child mental health issues.
My own daughters? Right now we’re still at the I’m in charge stage but for me with a mix of being their best friend (when it suits then) in their eyes and knowing I’m their go to person and place if they need help or are scared at all. I’d certainly like to think though as they get older they can count me as a friend.
So can Mums and daughters be friends? Yes I think so - maybe not in the general more typical sense of the word, and with authority added on the side - but in a world so full of pressures and right now uncertainties everyone needs a friend and who better than the person who brought you into the world in the first place?
