Smear smiles

Today I went for a smear test

Well, if you want to be specific I went for a smear test, flu jab and asthma review! 

I’m sure I’ve posted about this before and I know others sometimes make a point of letting people know they’ve gone for a smear. To help raise awareness. 

It seems to go in peaks and troughs, whether it’s ‘in’ to promote going for a smear, when people want to encourage other females to go get checked out.

However, what shocked me today as I sat in the waiting room, waiting - because of course it’s NHS and there were delays - people are still making a fuss about going.

I don’t mean singing from the rooftops they’ve had a cervical cancer check to join the latest social media craze. 

No, people still don’t like going and - very much like labour - people seem to thrive on telling their horror stories! 

Why is it people think it’s a good idea to share negative experiences, in particular with those who are about to endure said experience? 

Today when chatting with a fellow Mum and in explaining my reasons for being at the doctors, I found out all how at their last smear they had ‘different’ results.  And of course In great detail the procedure afterwards!

Thankfully I know after having 3 children - well going through 2 births - that a smear should be a walk in the park. And after various blood tests during pregnancy, having an epidural In labour and then post-birth tummy injections that injections shouldn’t be too daunting at all. 

I’ve been a wuss for years so was quite proud of myself today! (as well as laughing at my old self!) 

A smear is so quick and easy to do. It can feel uncomfortable at times when they take the sample, but before you known it you’re done.

And if you find a decent healthcare professional - like I luckily have - you’ll end up spending longer chatting than the test itself actually takes! 

I had a good old gossip today. 

It was honestly over so fast. This morning In the shower whilst preparing myself i thought how people probably have certain rituals they go through when their time comes.

You know what, if it makes you feel better about going if you’ve ‘done your bikini line, have nice undies on, or anything really to help, just do it. 

And me? How did I find this latest episode, or moreso my health MOT as I kept joking. 

Well, they may have aged me, stress me out beyond belief and don’t allow me to ever have a normal conversation with other adults. But thanks kids. 

Thanks to bringing you into this world I didn’t feel too much at my check up today (sorry TMI)  and I didn’t feel faint or get phantom arm aches when facing a needle! 

If I can do it, then so can you. Alright some people might not be as ‘fortunate’ as me to have  kids that liked to ‘leave their mark’ when entering the world (and exiting me!) Regardless, a smear is over super quick and can actually save your life! 

Somewhere in between

Anyone who’s joined NCT or similar as an expectant Mum or Dad and made friends with a group of previously complete strangers will understand parenting cliques, groups, ‘Mumfriends’, whatever you want to label them.  

The whole appeal and why it works (provided you get a good group) is because you’re all on the same journey. You’re going through the pregnancy at the same time, from similar areas, you share birth stories and are all awake at the same times so can provide support when otherwise you may feel quite alone.

People talk about how important it is to get out and about when you become a parent and I totally support this. When I had my first I was always out and thrived on fresh air, exercise from walking about with my pram or making friends for my baby and me at multiple groups I’d attend. 

You are on maternity/paternity leave and become an all singing and dancing member of the ‘First time parent’ group.

Some people don’t feel comfortable going to some of these ‘Mum & Baby’ groups or themed sessions based around music, play, storytelling or similar. I though for one would’ve been totally lost without mine. 

Then, if and when you go on to have that next pregnancy and baby you become part of another group - ‘parents with more than one’.

If you decide to not return to work you belong to the ‘stay at home parent’ group, go back and you’re a ‘working parent’ group member. 

Those people who become pregnant and go on and to have multiples - twins, triplets (or more!!!) gain their badge for the ‘multiples parents’ group.

Whatever group you’re in you make strong bonds based on your common ground. 

Your baby is doing yellow poos like someone else’s 

You’re both struggling to get out on time with your newborn and firstborn 

You’re both feeling guilty for not working/going to work 

And so on and so forth..

What though if you have a baby and then fall pregnant again with more than one?

You know what happens? You kind of don’t quite belong in any particular group anymore. 

You were with your first time Mum group and you were all sharing tales of how cheeky and naughty your kids are becoming. Then you got pregnant and so do others and you start to share how tough it is carrying a toddler whilst waddling with a bump. Then you find out there’s more than one baby, oh that’s a bit different. So you move into a multiples group, but then they mostly experience multiples, not really multiples and a toddler! 

It gets harder to find common ground, it gets harder to get out and about. You have to start to ask for help more. Things are just not so easy to arrange or get done anymore. And who totally and utterly gets what you’re situation is like? 

Not many people really. 

I saw an article a few months back that really struck a chord from somebody talking about having twins and another child. This isn’t a pity post or cry for help, I just felt like being totally honest and just putting it out there for once what it can be like. 

It can be hard. But you don’t want to bore on about how hard it is because you don’t want others to tire of you and 
your whining. You don’t want to look ungrateful for the blessings you’ve been given. 

You end up not seeing people as much, not being able to keep in contact so much, not doing as much, maybe coming across as a bad friend or like you don’t care/can’t be bothered anymore. Please hear me when I stress this so isn’t the case, when you become a Mum to 3 all so young and close in age life just becomes mental! Serious chaos. You never know who or what to sort next! 

You constantly juggle having so many to look after, asking for help without wanting to put on people, having to admit just how much help you might truly need, and then of course Mum guilt - which all Mums get regardless of how many/how old/their situation! 

So yeah, thank you to everyone who always tells me what a great job I’m doing. I’m not, I’m just being a Mum like any Mum does, putting my kids first and doing what needs to be done. 

Like any Mum, I love my children with all my heart and soul and would do anything for them. Like any Mum at times they drive me round the twist and I shout, I scream, I cry, I question my situation, my decisions, my capabilities. 

I guess reading that I am really just that ‘any Mum’, no set group to belong to, but then aren’t we all just the same deep down anyway?

The constant battle

You can’t wait to be a Mum and hold that baby in your arms

You miss that big round bump and feeling that life move inside your tummy

You can’t wait to see them crawling around and able to explore some more 

You miss how cute and dependent they were when they ‘just laid there’

You can’t wait to get some sleep and not be waking throughout the night to feed

You miss those little lips on you, that hand stroking your chest, those eyes gazing up

You can’t wait to see those little chubby legs walking around like others, what’s taking so long 

You miss the little baby who wanted to hold on and bounced around on your lap

You can’t wait for them to use that baby cutlery and make less mess

You miss putting that tiny spoon in their little mouth and no shouts or gestures of ‘I do it’

You can’t wait for those first words and to know what it is they need

You miss the little gurgles and raspberry blowing 

You can’t wait to be able to put them down and not have a constant clinging shadow 

You miss the cuddles and snuggles reading or simply dozing on you 

You can’t wait for them to start preschool or nursery, to get some time to ‘get things done’

You miss the noise, laughter and time together, it feels too quiet 

You can’t wait to have more time as they grow and learn

You miss that little baby and see how quick they’ve become this child

You can’t wait to not have to change so many nappies, tidy so many toys, be constantly interrupted 

You miss them needing you, the bright colours and those funny tales 

You can’t wait, you want it now, constantly comparing and looking ahead, until you get it, then

You miss the little one so tiny and needy who saw you as their all and needed you for everything. You realise how fast those days, weeks, months and years fly by 

And you wish you’d just lived it all and enjoyed each stage there and then, instead of looking ahead and wondering when

Re-grouping

Anyone who knows me knows I was a baby social butterfly when my first was born. 

If there was a local group to go to I was finding it out and trying it!

I don’t drive so I’d walk everywhere and go to music groups, playgroups and more branded things like sensory or baby ballet.  Sometimes with other Mum friends or sometimes on my own and I meet other Mums. 

I was non stop and it was full on but I really enjoyed it and thrived on being out and busy. 

In fact I hated it if I had to stay in and would get fed up staying indoors. 

People told me when I had the twins to realise I wouldn’t be able to go out as much. Something I was not looking forward to.

I’ve had to stay in more and I’ve had to get used to it to be honest. 

However, I truly believe in the power of leaving the house and getting some fresh air - particularly as a stay at home Mum or new Mum. You can truly go a little crazy being indoors all the time just you and a baby/babies. 

Of late I started to feel that a bit more again. Whether it’s where the children are getting a bit bigger now (i.e. out the newborn phase) or because it’s Winter (I’m a Summer and sun girl and hate the cold and dark days), I’m unsure.

So I’m slowly but surely trying to get back to it. It’s tiring and hard to get all 3 up, out and ready in time (and I do need help from  others to do it which shock horror I feel

guilty for!)

This week though has been more action packed and has been much more out the house.

Monday - preschool for Olivia in the morning and a play date with couple of friends and the kids in afternoon at ours

Tuesday - tried a gymnastics themed group in the morning, took twins Baby Sensory in the afternoon

Wednesday - preschool for Olivia in the morning and a bit of relax in the afternoon as the twins are teething and Olivia is going through a very odd clingy phase at the moment

Thursday - tried a playgroup run by ladies who did a former playgroup we used to go to regularly 

Friday/today - went for the 2nd time to a local church playgroup my Aunt volunteers at and out for lunch after 

I’m super tired this week, but my partner has been doing some night shifts, the twins are teething and as mentioned Olivia’s having yet another odd ‘phase’. I’ve also been trying to start to do a combined bath/bed time which has been a huge success so far! (Yes you are right in picking up sarcastic vibes there!) Who knows the tiredness might be more from going out more too.

But you know what? I feel so much better mentally for getting out more.

I feel it’s better for the kids as they’re socialising more with others and getting out and discovering more. In addition, for me, I’m getting some conversation with other people and I’m away from the same toys/crafts cluttering my lounge and the same rhymes/kids programs on my phone/TV! 

So as long as my energy levels let me - and my little ‘helpers’ (thank you my family and Trev’s) are about - I’m going to try get back to a more regular group life. 

Wish me luck!

Twins+toddler=chaos!

What’s it like having twins?

How do you ever get anything done?

I’ve decided as part of my blog I’m going to try shed some light on life as a twin Mum - and also the shock of the reality I’ve had to get used to of being a Mum to a tantruming toddler on top of that too! Oh and my fiancé does shift work so a lot of the time I’m alone.

This isn’t a well done me, how amazing am I post. Far from it, I’m literally just answering some questions people always ask and thought it might be interesting to read or for some even useful (if they’re in a similar situation for instance).

So first up a typical day...

I always make sure I get up before the kids. Someone told me when I was pregnant with my first child how they used to get up before their baby then they could always ensure they could get ready for the day. That advice has always stayed in my mind and definitely helps, in particular now!

Our health visitor used to joke that I’m so super organised that maybe my life has been gearing up to being a twin mum, ha!

So this is a typical day, aside from if we’re going out or have plans.

Alarm goes off 645 at the moment.

Get up, get washed and half dressed (my clothes are in a fitted wardrobe in the room which is now the twins - it was our spare room/my dressing room!) Do my hair and makeup etc (if I’ve washed my hair and it needs drying that has to wait!)

If twins still asleep go downstairs and prep breakfast - as they’re no longing breastfeeding I now have to make up 2 bottles for the twins and a beaker of warm milk for my 2 year old, weetabix in a bowl and mashed banana in a bowl for the twins, my water bottle for the day, water beaker for my toddler, water sippy cups for the twins, coffee for me and whatever me/my toddler are having and things for teeth brushingx3. I get all the table, high chairs etc ready so that we’re pretty much good to go once the kids come down.

Twins have their bottles in their cots now and I grab my outfit for the day, then I bring them down in their sleepsuits to play and I go back up to get my first born.

I get her nappy changed and dress her for the day and then we go downstairs. Then she has her beaker of milk and I get all the kids in their seats for breakfast and eat my breakfast in between spoonfeeding the twins. Once breakfast is finished, we have tantrums over face wiping (and whatever my toddler decides to argue about that day!) I then change the babies and get them dressed for the day.

I wash up/clear up whilst the kids play and if we’re going out I pack the change bag and prep any food/snacks/feeds etc

The twins usually then go up for a morning nap and me and my toddler have time together.

Lunch about 1230 for all of them so I normally prep that beforehand too.

Twins have an afternoon nap about 90 mins after lunch and then when they wake need a bottle.

They all have ‘tea’ about 430/5 and then bath for my toddler and bedtime starts at 6.

I have to leave the twins downstairs in the jumperoo/playpen and take my toddler up and we do bathtime, then we read 3 books whilst she has her milk and cuddles. Once she’s down in the cot I then come back down to sort the twins.

The twins normally go up one at a time and they get changed, in pjyamas and then have their milk in their cots and lay down for the night. (They currently have baths in the mornings when my toddler is at preschool or when my fiancé is about at present).

In between all this are various snacks (anyone with a toddler will know how much and how often they eat!) and numerous nappy changes!

Oh and maybe I should mention the twins are now currently trying to climb everything, they pull themselves up on me if my legs are in reach or I’m sat on the floor with them and all 3 children always want to play with the same thing (and of course you have to juggle playing with all 3, stopping the too rough cuddles, keeping small toys/parts away from the twins, listening/responding to my toddler who runs at 100mph all day every day and doesn’t stop talking, singing and jumping/dancing!)

I think I’ve covered most of the basics.

So yeah when I answer you that I don’t really sit down or stop all day, I promise you I’m not exaggerating!

Making time for Mum

Ha even the title of this post is proving the point of how things change when you have children.

Not making time for me/for Mel but for ‘Mum’. I’m sure I’m not the only one who wonders where they’ve gone since having kids - what happened to the person you were pre-children?

The gap since my last post should give some sort of indication of how time for myself is pretty much forgotten most the time these days - definitely bottom of the pile in life as I know it now, with it’s never ending and constantly growing to do list.

I dread to even think how this will even read - can I even write well anymore? Or has my Mum mode/baby brain/rhyme singing mind taken over?

Don’t get me wrong I adore my children and truly know how blessed I am to even have them. (There you go obligatory Mum guilt statement number 1!)

However, one of the key things that shocked me when having children is the discovery of how different it is to how I ever imagined and the sense of loss in your self that can be experienced at times.

I don’t really like to make new year resolutions, let’s face it most of them aren’t kept to and aren’t that sincere. Or we just ride along with the generic cliched standard list that get rolled out most years - be healthier, lose weight, be better with money, be more organised, blah blah blah.

I’m really hoping this year to try and make more time for me. I see it myself, after a little time on my own or getting to be ‘the old me’ as I often view it, it’s like hitting the reset button. I’m more chilled and I miss and value those little munchkins of mine even more. I appreciate my life a whole lot more and the resentment, anxiety, tiredness, impatience, short temper and stress is chipped away and seems not all that bad.

Yes it’s tough being a Mum and a stay at home Mum at that - pre child me is sitting there now rolling her eyes at that one (you ‘don’t work’, you’re at home, what’s so hard about that, how can you be stressed?) But if you can find some balance and have a few bits of ‘time off’ now and again it’s such a fulfilling and worthwhile life and a privilege to be able to experience.

So why is it every time I even start to consider looking into booking some time for me - shopping, a film, a spa day, just an hour or two to read a book, have a bath, listen to music, see friends - the guilt kicks in?

Why do we feel so bad at needing a break? Why do we feel it’s so wrong to want to be someone over than Mum?

Tell me, how do you balance it? What do you do? And what is this guilt? I’m sure I’m not the only one who gets it, right?

So yeah, 2019, I’d like a bit more time for me please and to also be a fiancée again and enjoy some time as a couple - the pair we used to be, not Mummy and Daddy for all the time.

Now if I can just get over this guilt first...and the care of 11month old twins and a 2 and a half year old...the washing...the nappies...the shopping...the cleaning...the diary planning..the budgeting...the cooking...

Oh, you know what, maybe tomorrow...