End of term burnout

As you drop your little darlings off to school this week for their final days of term, do you kiss them fondly and wave goodbye or rather you sprint away from the gate?!

Now I’m not a cold hearted person who can’t stand spending time with my children, or who uses school as some form of babysitter. 

However, as a Mum of three young children the pressure is on and life can be chaotic and stressful - scrap that life IS chaotic and stressful! 

The majority of the time, when we’re together, me and my little munchkins we have fun, we get along, they’re good children overall.

Now, unless you’re raising the non-existent perfect person, everyone will experience bad behaviour at times and find themselves at a loss as to why it’s so hard to follow basic instructions.

I myself often wonder if I’ve developed a new language to speak in or if the kids have suddenly lost the use of their ears, so regular the occasions when nobody seems to have heard anything I’ve said. Well that is unless I’m trying to talk to somebody else and they’re not involved or meant to be listening! Oh no then they’re like these little creatures whose super power hearing could make out a speck of dust falling to the floor. 

But something happens to our children at this time, as we approach yet another break from school. End of term looms and our offspring go loopy.

I’ve lost count the amount of times the last week or two I’ve spoken to fellow parents about numerous meltdowns or odd behaviour. Or have you noticed just how many bugs seem to be going round, how your child suddenly starts throwing up from nowhere?

End of term burnout. 

When I was working in London I used to push myself daily to reach targets/complete my to do list and I’d be tired but seem to function off the stress and adrenaline. Then the minute I’d book any form of longer annual leave and I’d end up in bed with a stinking cold or bug. 

For children it seems much the same. Where Mums, Dads and carers may be looking for a break from the school run routine and alarm clock setting, children too want some downtime.

This week for instance my three have seemed extra hyped up after school and are taking longer to settle at bedtime and their listening skills are even more atrocious than usual. 

Regardless of whatever after school activity they’ve been participating in they still come home shrieking and jumping like they’re on some sort of drug and as if they’ve had a Power Nap. 

Other people I know their children have been feeling really poorly.

I know others whose children every end of term seem to completely change personality and get naughty, misbehave and simply transform. 

So why are children getting this end of term burnout, much like the after school meltdowns you witness.

How comes these burnouts happen? Did we have them as children?

Is it just where all day every weekday they adhere to rules, sit still for long periods and have to follow lots of procedures? 

Do their little bodies simply say enough now we’re tired?

Or is this a sign children are being put under too much pressure nowadays? Are we all expecting too much so their personalities and bodies alike revolt? 

I know expectations and pressure have been a topic of conversation amongst our school Mums quite a bit. 

Are we putting too much on children too young. Or is this simply preparing them for real life? It’s not easy!

If you have any tips or discover any secrets to ease the burnout please do comment.

Until then I guess we’ll make it to the end of term, picking our children up Friday afternoon with a smile glued to our face. 

Relieved to not be setting that school run alarm. Happy to have no morning battles to get dressed and eat breakfast. No morning quizzing of what’s for school dinners or arguing over packed lunch box contents. 

But also gearing up to face two weeks of constant snacking, overhyped kids from way too much Easter chocolate, constant hoovering of crumbs or the glitter from yet another craft time, exhausted from countless days out at farms, softplays, parks, fairgrounds and more. 

Is that the problem nowadays too? We seem to pack so much into school holidays that children and parents/carers alike don’t actually have much of a ‘break’ when school is off. 

How do we find a balance to stop both the kids and us burning out? 

Any tips comment below! 

Menopause-ing your life?

Menopause seems to be everywhere at the moment, am I right? 

You can’t really move for people talking, books being released and programs on TV about it.

So why then, are we as women still finding it so hard to deal with?

As someone who is 99% sure to be going through peri menopause right now, this is a topic close to my heart.

I am surrounded by females either in peri- or full blown menopause and I myself have tried vitamins to help, got the well known Davina book and regularly view social media posts and articles about the topic.

The biggest question I have and what angers me the most?

Why on earth are we as women not taken seriously and why is our menopause care and journey dependent on our postcode? 

I’ve brought up the idea of peri menopause a few times now at my doctors surgery and I have had one blood test (which we know can’t necessarily show levels for peri menopause) and nothing more has come of it.

Despite explaining my Mum went through menopause early and being told it’s hereditary it’s still seemingly gone in one ear and out the other.

I’ve sat and spoke to so many friends who have felt lost, keep forgetting things, get such an awful rage, their periods are all over the place and have really bad anxiety to name but a few symptoms. And we’re all still just putting up with and getting by.

Or in some cases people are resorting to going private and paying themselves to see specialists to finally get heard.

Yet others you read about who live elsewhere have specialist menopause doctors/surgeries who listen to them, guide them and provide what they need. Or they test out various routes so that said female can find what she needs.

How come when the topic is now so prevalent the care is still not there?

Does it cost too much?

Is it because this impacts women not men? 

What do we need to do to be heard and taken seriously?

Please let me know your experiences and if anyone has any tips or positive stories of how they got the attention needed please do share! 

Self(ish) Care?

P

For years after becoming a Mum and a stay at home one at that, I convinced myself I shouldn’t need or didn’t deserve time for myself. 

I wasn’t ‘working’ so why did I need time to rest and relax? 

The problem with that? 3 very young children, very close in age and a pandemic hitting resulting in a lockdown meant I had quite a bit of stress. 

I also just became ‘Mummy’. 

What else? I had a lot less patience and even the small things seemed big and harder to deal with.

I in fact over time also developed Anxiety. 

To this day I still remember a friend - hope she knows who she is - who said to me (and reiterated every chance she got) to make time for me. It was not a ‘treat’ or indulgence, it was a necessity and in fact would make me a better Mum, not a selfish one. 

I often mention her words to others actually when I hear them going down the same path of guilt and depriving themselves because they ‘don’t deserve it’.

All of a sudden one day I realised enough was enough and I had to start to do some things for me and make some time to allow myself to switch off.

I always think of it like a reset button - I need a chance to step away from Mum life and see myself as somebody other than a mother.

In addition, I need to recognise and value all the things I do for my children and family unit overall. You know, not just the daily organisation, chores, household tasks, but the unspoken big one - the mental load. 

Until you grow older, have kids and similar you’re pretty dubious of this I remember. However, wow when you’re in it and it hits you, you totally get it! 

So that’s why we all need to remember Self Care. And before I’m labelled as sexist or that I’m generalising, everybody needs to do it. 

Life is so busy nowadays and days, weeks and months can fly by. Everybody needs a chance to jump off the journey and switch off - in whatever way works best for them.

When I was pregnant I remember following hypnobirthing and I loved it! During one of my jobs in corporate comms in the city we sometimes had in house counselling for management, again I was a big fan.

However, when I stepped away from work I totally forgot about these sorts of options and hearing about topics like mindfulness I just didn’t get it.

There’s a whole host of things I try now to help me try to remember who I am outside of motherhood and to give me a chance to relax from life’s pressures.

I love going to the gym now and go to a class everyday (sometimes more than 1).

A habit from the Covid period, I find going for walks and listening to a podcast (Parenting Hell is without a doubt my fave!) is really great at clearing my head. 

Recommended by my supple strength teacher, I sometimes do a quick 5 or 10 minute online relaxation session to help me switch off.

I write this blog.

Often of an evening I’ll sit and watch what I call ‘trashy TV’, just really easy viewing that doesn’t require too much brainwork.

I spend my money on things like having my nails done or going to the hairdressers.

A big thing that really benefits me is a network of a variety of different friends - mostly women - who I either message via WhatsApp or some I meet in person for coffee or lunch catch ups to let off steam, rant, discuss and support one another and be honest. 

And of course I try to make time to have social nights out (or afternoons if it’s a boozy brunch or similar!) 

There’s a whole variety there and I’m sure  some people do much more artistic and cultured things to help with their Self Care, but the point is to do it. 

No matter what your home setup or mental state, make time for you. 

Everybody needs to make time for self care. There’s no right or wrong, whatever works for you.

And as soon as you do, you’ll never look back! 

When your ‘privates’ aren’t so private

Today I did a thing.

I had a second shower after my gym class, made sure my bikini line was taken care of and then I took my underwear off and showed my vagina to a stranger.

Ha! Don’t panic, I’ve not gone mad, taken to ‘flashing’, nor cheated on my fiancé. 

Today was time for my smear test. 

At the risk of sounding patronising or annoying people who haven’t experienced similar, it was okay. I felt I should share that fact.

You know why? Because still despite campaigns and even widely publicised cases of people who didn’t get tested and in turn died in some instances, people do not want to go for their cervical screening. 

When I was at the gym this morning and I mentioned where I was off to today, one person admitted they didn’t mind the test whilst another told me a story of how someone she knew hates them and had her cervix caught during the process. Helpful, thanks. 

In fact when you tell most females you’re due your smear test or you’re going to it, you tend to get a look of pity or horror.

Some people don’t even go to have the tests because they’ve built it up as so bad they can’t bear to face having the procedure done. 

That’s right some people would rather not know if they’ve got cells that suggest they might have cervical cancer and can be treated because the test has caught it in time. They’d rather avoid said test that lasts a mere matter of minutes and risk not discovering something that could be stopped. 

Is it really that bad?  

Now don’t get me wrong prior to children and when you’re younger perhaps there might be the feeling of embarrassment or feeling nervous having someone look ‘down there’. I don’t know about you, but those who have had a baby I’m sure you are now way past that point! Or just me?…

I’m really lucky I think as the nurse at our GP practice seems to be a pro at smear tests - weird compliment I know, but it’s true! In fact every cervical screening I’ve had it’s been with her since I started having them! 

For some reason today I felt really anxious about going and the appointments were running late so I was sitting panicking for a bit. 

However once in the room as always she put me at ease. We had a little chat and laugh about things and before I knew it it was already done and finished. Genuinely.

I think once I had an experience with a nurse that was covering and it wasn’t as comfortable I distinctly remember. In fact she left the room with the device inside me to go get some swabs. Yes really! 

As much as that might have put me off though I can’t help but think to myself if I didn’t have the test done what then? What if something wasn’t right and needed attention and it got left unnoticed? And what if it was for too long?

I guess what I’m saying is for the sake of a couple of minutes of potential discomfort or embarrassment, versus facing the news you’ve got some severe disease or incurable condition . Well, where’s the choice? 

So next time you get that ‘dreaded’ text or letter, just go ahead and get booked up. It may not be as bad as you think…

Mother’s Day

M akes everything better 

O n your side, always 

T eaching you right from wrong 

H elping you whether big or small 

E verything gets organised 

R eady with the best hugs 

S he’s everything - friend, cook, seamstress, teacher, counsellor, secretary, washer and cleaner

D oesn’t ever judge you

A lways there for you 

Y our Mum

Pressed for presents

With yet another occasion fast approaching, I found myself recently heading out to the shops in search of gifts. En route to the shopping centre I found myself thinking about what to purchase. What can I get this time?

It’s a question I end up asking every time one of the classic calendar events arises - whether it be birthday, anniversary or moreso Mothers/Fathers Day. 

Although the recipients always seem happy with what they’ve been given, I find myself feeling bad for seemingly having bought the same sort of item(s) as I’ve done before. 

In fact when going to the shops, I’d consciously thought I’ll try them this time, as in recent years I’ve tended to veer towards the online options to ‘get something different’. 

How much variation is there really in gifts to show your parent or loved ones they’re appreciated? 

What do they really want? 

If you were to ask me for example, when it comes to Mothers Day it’s nice to be shown appreciation for all you do with a treat and it’s so lovely getting something your child(ren) make for you and/or pick out for you themselves. Handmade/written cards are so lovely to get and keep and seeing the children’s faces so excited to give them to you and how proud they look is such a sweet moment to experience.

When you’re too old to do something like that, I tend to head towards gifts with nice words/meanings. 

Again though at the age of 40, I’ve now given quite a few birthday presents or gifts to say thanks to my parents and I really feel every time I’ve repeated myself. 

So what do you give? What do people really want on these occasions?

Should we step away from actual things to open and instead experience events together instead? 

I’ve tried to do afternoon teas, meals, spa days and similar. But again fitting these in when juggling everyday life commitments and young children can be a struggle.

People only need so many mugs or glasses to drink out of. They only have so much space to hang signs or display ornaments. 

So, what do you do?

Any tips of something that bit different to try? 

I’ll be by the flowers, chocolates and life quote decorations if you think of anything…

International Women’s Day - Strong Woman

S hould believe in herself more

T ougher than she looks

R eady to take charge 

O ften so much more beautiful than she realises 

N eeds to realise how smart she truly is

G oing that extra mile for her family and friends 

W ill always put others first 

O n top of all the details, schedules and plans 

M other, grandmother, daughter, wife, girlfriend, aunty, friend 

A lways juggling it all

N ever gives up 

Who Am I?

 Who Am I?

Snack distributor 

Wine drinker

Hug giver

Writer

Toy tidier

Bookworm

Kids TV pro

Garage dancer

Mess wiper

Digital senior 

Attractive female

Comfy Mum

Park buddy 

Gym goer

Holiday lover

Kids club transporter

School run member

Fancy food eater

Bump wiper

Film watcher 

Rule maker

Meeting taker

Carefree night-owl

Anxious homebird 

Meal maker 

Fast thinker 

Bedtime story reader

Team manager 

Multi tasker

Deadline meeter

Sickness comforter 

Goal achiever

Skinny jeans

Comfy leggings

Straightened hair

Scragged back bun

Tired out homemaker

Loved up partner

Excuse making cleaner

House-proud hoster

Swim lesson observer

Confident pool user

Suncream applier

Relaxed sun-worshipper

Fast forgetting stair climber 

Quick thinking fact reminder

Never ending caterer 

Determined gym goer

Caffeine fuelled

Cocktail queen

Considered answers 

Smart with banter 

Daytime walker 

City commuter 

Washing wizard

Corp comms consultant

Dispute breaker 

Training leader 

Meltdown calmer 

Client facer 

Who am I now?

Is the real Me lost?

Did I lose my way? 

Can I still wow?

How many clubs is enough?

In an ever more demanding schedule, children nowadays have a wealth of pre, during and after school clubs at their fingertips.

On the one hand this seems amazing and we comment aren’t they lucky being able to try so many things, possibly reminiscing of more basic options in our own childhood.

However, how do you know what the right amount is and when is it too much?

As a Mum of three and with all, as of September, now in the school system, I’ve got an array of options.

At our school the children typically don’t have school clubs to attend whilst in Reception, but once they hit Year 1 it opens up - football, karate, drama, multi sports. Our school even has a music band club they can go to during the school day now (well if you can get a space). They also created a half termly rotated arts and crafts club after school for Reception this year too (which my eldest, now in Year 2, was very envious about!) 

I can remember going to Brownies when little and I think at school a Keyboard club (the music kind), as well as swimming lessons, but otherwise apart from a very short-lived time at Ballet I didn’t really do too much. I did actually go horseriding for a few years until I got to ‘big school’ and decided I’d rather spend my Saturdays meeting friends to go the shops and cinema! 

Now though children can start from so little - baby football, baby ballet and so on. 

My eldest is pretty confident compared to the twins, but she too often needs a little while to get settled at places and I don’t drive, so some options to us can be limited at times

When I just had the one I took her everywhere when little -  Baby Sensory, every local playgroup, baby swimming, music and movement, rhymes at the library and all sorts. Knowing how shy I was when little I wanted my child to be outgoing and confident. 

Where the twins came along afterwards and we were bringing up three under 2 at one point, it wasn’t possible to go to quite so many groups. I’m not shy if this is why the twins are a lot more withdrawn than their big sister, or  if lockdown and Covid hit them harder but there’s a big difference.

Since starting school I’ve now found myself trying to find some activities to interest them and possibly boost their confidence and independence. 

Some people I know, their children are doing something every day and they find fitting in homework and other jobs really hard and stressful. There are others where they want their children to do more but they didn’t get their little one on the never ending waiting lists on time. 

Once my eldest started year 1 we started her on groups - she began trying karate before school, swimming lessons to try regain her confidence and skills and continued with her dance, drama and singing club she was already enjoying. 

Once the twins were in school and seemingly very anti doing anything without me or my other half there, we introduced them to the dance and drama club with their sister at first to get settled. They still are pretty anti swimming lessons as they don’t want to go in the pool without me. 

As previously mentioned some clubs entail your child being placed on a waiting list - sometimes needing to be on this for more than a year or from birth! One such list our girls have been on is Rainbows, ever since lockdown in fact. 

So two weeks ago when I received a late night email confirming they finally had a place and together I really was happy. 

That is until my son confirmed he wanted to try a boxing class and I looked at our new schedule. 

Of the 5 weekdays, we now have some sort of club after school for 4 days and on the other day there’s a club in the morning. 

I feel we’ve gone from not enough clubs to now potentially too many. 

How do you know how many is the right amount though?

And also at what age should the children pick the activity and potentially develop a proper hobby or skill? 

Do some children need or enjoy more activities than others? Are we going to end up with confident, happy children or tired out little ones? 

We seem to have a nice mix for our eldest - swimming, karate, Rainbows and her dance/drama/singing club. The twins now do arts and crafts club (just a few weeks at a time), one does boxing and the other does Rainbows and they both attend the same dance/drama/singing club. 

Now we have some sort of system in place to get to and from these sessions, we’ve got to factor in homework, reading, spelling and times table practice…

What works for you? Has anyone found the happy balance or are we all just ‘winging it’ like most parenthood seems to be?…