You’ve got a friend in Mum

 I’ve just got home from a spin class at my local gym - first time in over a year! I’m buzzing and hooray it’s seemingly sparked something in my brain.

Sat down for a quick cuppa before another shower and going to pick up my twins from preschool, I’ve switched on the television to this...

Ta-dah my little brain has switched on and FINALLY I’ve found a topic I want to blog about! 

Let’s be honest this year has been pretty bleak and stressful and quite frankly I’ve found it hard to find time or even anything to inspire me to blog...

Here it is. So can Mums be friends with daughters? This is a question the Jeremy Vine Show has posed today - I should just add it also was great to see an all female panel/hosts today too on a topical program which debates current affairs.

I guess the way I’ll be answering this is two fold - one as my role as a daughter myself and secondly as my position now as a mother to my own daughters (and a son). 

When I was younger I loved my parents dearly and had a good relationship with both of them and I remember getting comfort when young from my Mum but knowing she was in charge as the adult. I wouldn’t say at that point it was necessarily as a friend it was a family love and relationship. 

However once I got older at secondary school, becoming a teen and starting to get good old hormones things changed. You don’t want to be seen with your parents it’s embarrassing and not cool. I wouldn’t want my Mum to come in dressing rooms with me and we’d bicker over clothes and our opinions. I look back now and I totally get why this made my Mum so sad.

Having a precious innocent four year and two year old twins I can’t even imagine them not needing or wanting me. They’re constantly telling me I’m their best friend and showering me with kisses and cuddles. The thought they’d not want me around and be embarrassed or similar feels like it would kill me! 

On starting college and trying to ‘rebel’ a bit I used to constantly argue with both my Mum and Dad. 

But then I moved out, got my own place after University and something switched...me and my Mum’s  relationship changed - we genuinely became friends! We enjoyed each other’s company, we talked and shared experiences. It was really nice.

Following that when I became a Mum myself - wow that’s the biggest game changer. Suddenly you understand her ways, her behaviour, her rules when you were young. The love she has for you. It all suddenly makes sense! 

I’m going by my experiences of course. I mean we’ve all seen the different types of Mum and daughter relationships - there are those who used to dress young and act young and almost be like a sister to their daughter.

The idea when I was a teenager of going on a night out with my Mum was just totally unfathomable. However I’ve heard of Mums clubbing with their daughter in tow.

For me? No thanks I don’t think that’d work.

When younger you need to set boundaries and make sure you’ve got the respect level with your children so they know you’re the adult and in charge. In that sense I guess you’re not their friend, but I think it’s equally as important for them to trust in you like a friend and feel they can come to you and talk to you about anything. Especially in these days and times with new pressures, cyber bullying and child mental health issues. 

My own daughters? Right now we’re still at the I’m in charge stage but for me with a mix of being their best friend (when it suits then) in their eyes and knowing I’m their go to person and place if they need help or are scared at all. I’d certainly like to think though as they get older they can count me as a friend. 

So can Mums and daughters be friends? Yes I think so - maybe not in the general more typical sense of the word, and with authority added on the side - but in a world so full of pressures and right now uncertainties everyone needs a friend and who better than the person who brought you into the world in the first place? 

Since when did relationships mean so little?

Tonight I tuned into Celebrity Big Brother.

Yes my TV choice is poor and trashy, I'm the first to admit that. I'll also 'fess up the reason I was so keen to watch it on +1 was because I'd heard a former housemate was coming back in to stir up trouble surrounding 'love rat' Lee Ryan (former member of boyband Blue).

Getting ready to wind down and head to bed this Sunday evening before work tomorrow I'm fuming at the attitude and behaviour of this childish 'player' who's messed non stop with the heads and hearts (and goodness knows what else!) of two of the reality show's female participants.

Whilst I am fully aware this is all fun and games for the cameras and to set up the headlines for their gossip and celebrity magazine features, Mr Ryan's antics got me thinking about a topic I've been meaning to blog about for a while.

Relationships. And in particular this seemingly increasingly common attitude to not taking them seriously. 

Throughout my life and friendship groups I've seen many experiences of people cheating, breaking up and things not being as well as they seemed on the surface. 

However whether it's been cheating, break ups or divorce, with people I know or those I've simply heard about, one common theme seems to run true. 

Relationships, moreso loyalty just does not seem to count for much anymore.

When did things change and it became so commonplace to walk away from a long term relationship without trying? 

Who prompted this behaviour of as soon as you've taken the next step (marriage, moving in together) one partner is tempted elsewhere? 

I've lost count of the number of females who have relayed tales of nights out being approached by men in relationships (most commonly married). 

Or people who seem to stay faithful for years of courtship and then do the dirty not long after tying the knot.

Me and my partner have always had similar views on this topic thankfully.

However, since getting engaged myself just over a month ago it hits home even harder for me now.

I just cannot imagine making that commitment (and why would you) to someone and not taking it seriously.

Don't get me wrong. I'm no angel and I've done my fair share of behaving badly, but I was very young and foolish and having grown up and being in what I realised were actual 'proper' relationships I've known I'd never ever do those things again.

Plus those of you who have ever been cheated on you'll know how it feels and personally I couldn't do that to another human after being through it myself. 

And I'm not trying to say us ladies are saints, oh no I know plenty of tales from both sides of the gender fence and ages too. 

I may sound extremely old fashioned and of course I don't want us to go back to a time when people were ashamed and frightened and stayed in abusive and unhappy relationships as a result. That is no good.

But in typical boy meets girl (or of course even boy meets boy) situations what's wrong with trying to stick at it and stay strong, trying to work through things together? 

Or even those who don't have issues to get through, why isn't one person enough? Why get yourself into these committed situations if you don't want to/can't commit? 

If you like to sleep around or have a wandering eye don't set up home with someone in the first place! 

And as for people with children that 'play away from home' that is something I just can't even talk about. 

I've always been a natural flirt when I'm out and my boyfriend is well aware, I think banter with the opposite sex is normal and harmless. In fact there is nothing wrong with appreciating that someone is attractive. But you don't act on it. 

Recently I went to a club which was one of my favourites. I love going out drinking and having a good dance (especially if there's garage involved!) I always remember commenting positively to the girls before on the types of men who go there. 

This was my first time back there since I got engaged. The music was okay and I had fun with friends, but I found all I wanted to do was stand/dance with my man and kept checking my ring sparkling away! 

One of the things I love about being engaged is feeling I really belong to someone (not in a caveman-esque way). Knowing someone cares about me that they want to spend the rest of their life with me.

I believe and hope that is what they mean by this gesture as well. 

When I sit and look at that ring on my finger I think of the person who gave it to me. I think of the future ahead. I think of the times we've been through. I don't for one second panic I'm now trapped and stuck with one person forever. I don't long for my hen night so I can plan one last evening to be a bit naughty. 

I just am so thankful it's finally my turn and I've found a soulmate. 

How people can take that sort of commitment with a pinch of salt and throw it away or treat it like it's nothing I will never know. 

Everybody has different goals and thoughts in life, but for me this is something that can't change over time.

You find love, you treat it with the respect it deserves and you sure as hell don't waste it.