You’ve got a friend in Mum

 I’ve just got home from a spin class at my local gym - first time in over a year! I’m buzzing and hooray it’s seemingly sparked something in my brain.

Sat down for a quick cuppa before another shower and going to pick up my twins from preschool, I’ve switched on the television to this...

Ta-dah my little brain has switched on and FINALLY I’ve found a topic I want to blog about! 

Let’s be honest this year has been pretty bleak and stressful and quite frankly I’ve found it hard to find time or even anything to inspire me to blog...

Here it is. So can Mums be friends with daughters? This is a question the Jeremy Vine Show has posed today - I should just add it also was great to see an all female panel/hosts today too on a topical program which debates current affairs.

I guess the way I’ll be answering this is two fold - one as my role as a daughter myself and secondly as my position now as a mother to my own daughters (and a son). 

When I was younger I loved my parents dearly and had a good relationship with both of them and I remember getting comfort when young from my Mum but knowing she was in charge as the adult. I wouldn’t say at that point it was necessarily as a friend it was a family love and relationship. 

However once I got older at secondary school, becoming a teen and starting to get good old hormones things changed. You don’t want to be seen with your parents it’s embarrassing and not cool. I wouldn’t want my Mum to come in dressing rooms with me and we’d bicker over clothes and our opinions. I look back now and I totally get why this made my Mum so sad.

Having a precious innocent four year and two year old twins I can’t even imagine them not needing or wanting me. They’re constantly telling me I’m their best friend and showering me with kisses and cuddles. The thought they’d not want me around and be embarrassed or similar feels like it would kill me! 

On starting college and trying to ‘rebel’ a bit I used to constantly argue with both my Mum and Dad. 

But then I moved out, got my own place after University and something switched...me and my Mum’s  relationship changed - we genuinely became friends! We enjoyed each other’s company, we talked and shared experiences. It was really nice.

Following that when I became a Mum myself - wow that’s the biggest game changer. Suddenly you understand her ways, her behaviour, her rules when you were young. The love she has for you. It all suddenly makes sense! 

I’m going by my experiences of course. I mean we’ve all seen the different types of Mum and daughter relationships - there are those who used to dress young and act young and almost be like a sister to their daughter.

The idea when I was a teenager of going on a night out with my Mum was just totally unfathomable. However I’ve heard of Mums clubbing with their daughter in tow.

For me? No thanks I don’t think that’d work.

When younger you need to set boundaries and make sure you’ve got the respect level with your children so they know you’re the adult and in charge. In that sense I guess you’re not their friend, but I think it’s equally as important for them to trust in you like a friend and feel they can come to you and talk to you about anything. Especially in these days and times with new pressures, cyber bullying and child mental health issues. 

My own daughters? Right now we’re still at the I’m in charge stage but for me with a mix of being their best friend (when it suits then) in their eyes and knowing I’m their go to person and place if they need help or are scared at all. I’d certainly like to think though as they get older they can count me as a friend. 

So can Mums and daughters be friends? Yes I think so - maybe not in the general more typical sense of the word, and with authority added on the side - but in a world so full of pressures and right now uncertainties everyone needs a friend and who better than the person who brought you into the world in the first place? 

Your body says no

As I sit here with a fuzzy head croaky voice and achey body, currently taking a few various medications to get me back on track I’m almost laughing at myself.

I’ve written a few blogs about making time for me and putting myself first. 

Well my body has finally turned round the last few days and fought back. It’s had enough. I’m not looking after myself properly. So now it’s showing me.

On Monday I felt so unwell, I don’t remember feeling so ill in a long long time.

Today I’ve finally left the house properly and popped to the local shops, done the preschool run and basically got a bit of fresh air. I still don’t feel great, but I feel good to be out.

The last couple of days I’ve had time in bed to just lay and relax and rest. I’ve clearly needed it. 

I’m not sure how interesting this post is or really why I’m writing it. I guess maybe as a reminder for me when I start making all those excuses why NOT to go do something for me in the future. 

This post can remind me that eventually my body and mind will fight back so why not be kind to it before it gets that far? 

As someone who’s a nightmare for making me time I know it’s going to be a slow change, but once I think I might finally listen.

For one, being a Mum of three aged 3 and under isn’t a walk in the park at the best of times and it sure as hell is no fun when you’re ill! 

Just a short sharp scratch

Just a short sharp scratch 

Ew even those words make me feel a bit nauseous.

I’m a wuss. There are a lot of things I’m scared of and nervous about to be fair. However, injections and blood tests is definitely up there! 

As mentioned in yesterday’s blog post I’ve had somewhat of a health ‘MOT’ this week.

Since I have asthma I’m always offered the flu jab. I think I’ve had it most years although I really can’t remember if I did last year. 

Anyway, there have been moments I’ve had my fiancé distract me by acting silly in a doctors room to stop me freaking out at having injections. My arm has started aching at just the thought of being injected in some sort of phantom pain. I’ve felt faint, got hot and on the verge of tears when having to get blood taken. 

Yet I’ve given birth twice and been through a few unpleasant procedures in my time. Including a huge needle in me when I had an epidural! Still, I continue to worry over a tiny needle and a really short moment of discomfort. 

Needles, blood, yuck. 

However, something weird has happened to me this week. For one, I decided to stay true to my mantra I was going to follow this week and try put myself first a bit more. So some symptoms I’d been having and a letter for a test I’d received I finally decided to address. 

Hence the MOT! 

I won’t lie there were times before one appointment I nearly walked out the doctors and I did get a bit tearful.

After my blood test today I felt a bit hot and nauseous.

However, I stuck at it and attended my appointment Monday and made sure I covered all the points I wanted.

When it came to having my flu jab, I surprised myself I was chatting away and didn’t even flinch when it was done. 

Normally post blood test I walk around with a stiff arm and don’t move it for hours after. Yes I know how ridiculous this is! Today, I walked straight out, popped my cardigan and coat on and not long after was carrying a bag full of shopping for the kids I’d collected. 

So yes, I’m a 37 year old woman and finally I think I might have actually overcome some of my fears this week. 

Don’t get me wrong I didn’t enjoy any of it and still wasn’t keen, but it was definitely not so traumatic as I usually find it. And - yes I know what a big girl! - I went to all the appointments and tests on my own.

Maybe that’s the way to approach a lot of things in life you fear. Think of it as a short sharp scratch - it’s not going to last and will be over soon enough. 

Smear smiles

Today I went for a smear test

Well, if you want to be specific I went for a smear test, flu jab and asthma review! 

I’m sure I’ve posted about this before and I know others sometimes make a point of letting people know they’ve gone for a smear. To help raise awareness. 

It seems to go in peaks and troughs, whether it’s ‘in’ to promote going for a smear, when people want to encourage other females to go get checked out.

However, what shocked me today as I sat in the waiting room, waiting - because of course it’s NHS and there were delays - people are still making a fuss about going.

I don’t mean singing from the rooftops they’ve had a cervical cancer check to join the latest social media craze. 

No, people still don’t like going and - very much like labour - people seem to thrive on telling their horror stories! 

Why is it people think it’s a good idea to share negative experiences, in particular with those who are about to endure said experience? 

Today when chatting with a fellow Mum and in explaining my reasons for being at the doctors, I found out all how at their last smear they had ‘different’ results.  And of course In great detail the procedure afterwards!

Thankfully I know after having 3 children - well going through 2 births - that a smear should be a walk in the park. And after various blood tests during pregnancy, having an epidural In labour and then post-birth tummy injections that injections shouldn’t be too daunting at all. 

I’ve been a wuss for years so was quite proud of myself today! (as well as laughing at my old self!) 

A smear is so quick and easy to do. It can feel uncomfortable at times when they take the sample, but before you known it you’re done.

And if you find a decent healthcare professional - like I luckily have - you’ll end up spending longer chatting than the test itself actually takes! 

I had a good old gossip today. 

It was honestly over so fast. This morning In the shower whilst preparing myself i thought how people probably have certain rituals they go through when their time comes.

You know what, if it makes you feel better about going if you’ve ‘done your bikini line, have nice undies on, or anything really to help, just do it. 

And me? How did I find this latest episode, or moreso my health MOT as I kept joking. 

Well, they may have aged me, stress me out beyond belief and don’t allow me to ever have a normal conversation with other adults. But thanks kids. 

Thanks to bringing you into this world I didn’t feel too much at my check up today (sorry TMI)  and I didn’t feel faint or get phantom arm aches when facing a needle! 

If I can do it, then so can you. Alright some people might not be as ‘fortunate’ as me to have  kids that liked to ‘leave their mark’ when entering the world (and exiting me!) Regardless, a smear is over super quick and can actually save your life! 

New decade, new decisions

As I’m sat here in my pjs, having consumed a glass of wine, thinking about having fish and chips for dinner (and understandably having put on a lot of weight the last week - er actually month!) I realise maybe I need to take on board the whole new year, near me crap we hear each New Year.

The majority of people tend to make resolutions as the year ends and a new one begins and everyone laughs as let’s be honest who rarely ever actually keeps to them? 

You know what though? For the sake of sticking to those old cliches what would I try to do if I were to make any resolutions? One I might actually have any hope of keeping?

Well quite frankly 2019 - admittedly along with a few other years - showed me true colours from a number of individuals in various walks of life. 

If there’s one thing I need to learn to do and to teach my children to attempt to do is not worry so much about everyone else.

I really my want my kids to be kind and consider other people’s feelings. But to be honest I hope they’re not so conscious of them as I am. 

You know why? When you worry so much about how others feel and think you really do neglect your own wellbeing, big time. And I hate to say it a lot of people take you for a mug.

Now I don’t want to suddenly become a cold, selfish, out-for-all-they-can-get kind of person, but I seriously need to stop and look at me.

Not worry what someone might think if I say no, or if I speak my mind, I ask for help I need, I take time for me. Not worry how others may cope if I take my foot off the gas at times. 

If becoming a Mum has taught me anything - and believe me there have been a fair few lessons - it’s that time really does fly and once you start to put yourself low down on the pecking order and near the back of the queue (okay pretty much the end of the line most of the time!) then it doesn’t take long for it to become the norm. 

This year I feel I really need to find a way of worrying about me. 

If others show me they’re not too concerned if they offend me, then right back at ya. If I see those signs I need a break then take one, if it makes others struggle temporarily as a result so be it. 

I’ve always been so focused on keeping the peace, not offending and making sure everyone around is happy I’ve realised I’ve kind of forgot myself in the process.

It’s a new decade so what better time to get right out my comfort zone and be concerned with me?