Somewhere in between

Anyone who’s joined NCT or similar as an expectant Mum or Dad and made friends with a group of previously complete strangers will understand parenting cliques, groups, ‘Mumfriends’, whatever you want to label them.  

The whole appeal and why it works (provided you get a good group) is because you’re all on the same journey. You’re going through the pregnancy at the same time, from similar areas, you share birth stories and are all awake at the same times so can provide support when otherwise you may feel quite alone.

People talk about how important it is to get out and about when you become a parent and I totally support this. When I had my first I was always out and thrived on fresh air, exercise from walking about with my pram or making friends for my baby and me at multiple groups I’d attend. 

You are on maternity/paternity leave and become an all singing and dancing member of the ‘First time parent’ group.

Some people don’t feel comfortable going to some of these ‘Mum & Baby’ groups or themed sessions based around music, play, storytelling or similar. I though for one would’ve been totally lost without mine. 

Then, if and when you go on to have that next pregnancy and baby you become part of another group - ‘parents with more than one’.

If you decide to not return to work you belong to the ‘stay at home parent’ group, go back and you’re a ‘working parent’ group member. 

Those people who become pregnant and go on and to have multiples - twins, triplets (or more!!!) gain their badge for the ‘multiples parents’ group.

Whatever group you’re in you make strong bonds based on your common ground. 

Your baby is doing yellow poos like someone else’s 

You’re both struggling to get out on time with your newborn and firstborn 

You’re both feeling guilty for not working/going to work 

And so on and so forth..

What though if you have a baby and then fall pregnant again with more than one?

You know what happens? You kind of don’t quite belong in any particular group anymore. 

You were with your first time Mum group and you were all sharing tales of how cheeky and naughty your kids are becoming. Then you got pregnant and so do others and you start to share how tough it is carrying a toddler whilst waddling with a bump. Then you find out there’s more than one baby, oh that’s a bit different. So you move into a multiples group, but then they mostly experience multiples, not really multiples and a toddler! 

It gets harder to find common ground, it gets harder to get out and about. You have to start to ask for help more. Things are just not so easy to arrange or get done anymore. And who totally and utterly gets what you’re situation is like? 

Not many people really. 

I saw an article a few months back that really struck a chord from somebody talking about having twins and another child. This isn’t a pity post or cry for help, I just felt like being totally honest and just putting it out there for once what it can be like. 

It can be hard. But you don’t want to bore on about how hard it is because you don’t want others to tire of you and 
your whining. You don’t want to look ungrateful for the blessings you’ve been given. 

You end up not seeing people as much, not being able to keep in contact so much, not doing as much, maybe coming across as a bad friend or like you don’t care/can’t be bothered anymore. Please hear me when I stress this so isn’t the case, when you become a Mum to 3 all so young and close in age life just becomes mental! Serious chaos. You never know who or what to sort next! 

You constantly juggle having so many to look after, asking for help without wanting to put on people, having to admit just how much help you might truly need, and then of course Mum guilt - which all Mums get regardless of how many/how old/their situation! 

So yeah, thank you to everyone who always tells me what a great job I’m doing. I’m not, I’m just being a Mum like any Mum does, putting my kids first and doing what needs to be done. 

Like any Mum, I love my children with all my heart and soul and would do anything for them. Like any Mum at times they drive me round the twist and I shout, I scream, I cry, I question my situation, my decisions, my capabilities. 

I guess reading that I am really just that ‘any Mum’, no set group to belong to, but then aren’t we all just the same deep down anyway?

Social media memes - meaningful messaging or modern day stirring spoon?

I recently saw a meme on social media to focus on your family and home life and enjoy them and stop worrying so much about keeping the house so clean and tidy. This really struck a chord with me as it’s something I’m always battling with.

Being a Mum to three children aged 3 years and under I’m often distracted from my never ending To Do list or constant attempts to have a conversation. 

I often see these posts and find them a useful tool to help me refocus. 

Funnily enough I was recently angrily buffing away smears and marks from our TV screen and unit for the 6th time since I’d cleaned the day before and I stopped. Imagine if my children were no longer here - whether something happened to them or simply they’d grown up - how would I feel then? I’d give anything to see those sticky little handprints wouldn’t I? 

Are these posts always truly helpful though? 

To some seeing these types of memes shared can cause issues. Sometimes people can see the posts as a ‘dig’ at them or a cryptic way to ruffle their feathers. 

Often the people sharing these types of memes about ‘life’s too short’, ‘put family first’ and the like are actually the ones who perhaps need a reminder how to treat others themselves. This can really grate.

Like other aspects of these various platforms I suppose it all depends on how it’s carried out. It’s another example of 
how social media can be misused and people can place too much of an importance on their worth.  

To me I mostly find them a positive tool. I’m always caught up in the chaos that is our household and I tend to see these posts when the children aren’t about - typically when they’re asleep - and it gives me a chance to stop for a minute and think. 

I’ve actually taken note of another post I saw recently about refuelling cars/charging batteries and how you need to do the same yourself. So I’ve set aside the cleaning and chores whilst my eldest is at preschool and I’m doing things for me - having a cup of tea on the sofa and writing my blog which I’ve not had time for. 

So what’s my message? Just stop. Every so often remember to press that reset button. Clear your head. Untangle yourself from being caught up in that To Do list. 

Whether that’s via a post it note, a phone app reminder or seeing a shared meme on social media so be it. 

Remind yourself what’s really important. 

Mum friends

When I slump down on the sofa exhausted from the day 

As I hold my head in my hands, wiping tears away 

There you are to reach out to, in your calm and caring way 

When I’m feeling shame at how my child acts

And questioning myself at my approach to their answering back

There you are with your advice and thoughts, all handled with such tact 

When I feel so cruel for how much I now feel I shout 

As I stand in situations at times feeling the odd one out 

There you are with your comments, helping to reduce my doubts 

When I’m at my wits end, just tired of it all

As I don’t know where to turn and my world now feels so small 

There you are to build me up again, making me proud and tall

When I need to share some things that I worry may be judged by some

As I check my lists and fret over all I haven’t done 

There you are to tell me stories and remind me of things that are fun 

When my child does something of which I am so proud 

As I watch in delight at kind behaviour, lovely words said aloud

There you are to share it with and give praise too so loud 

When something gross happens that would make others feel sick

As I finish some soggy leftovers or help save those melting treats with a lick

There you are with your own tales and funny grotty tricks

When I feel bad at how I now feel and look 

As I note my new shape and the old me that motherhood took

There you are to compliment, remind me to relax, enjoy a treat or book 

When after bedtime I fancy a tasty glass of wine 

As I tuck into some fattening treat so divine 

There you are to support me and share too your naughty but nice lifeline

When I over analyse and question it all 

As I feel over that edge I’m about to fall

There you are at the end of a message, text or call 

Never judging a snack choice, outfit or parenting hack

Always there to support and have my back

Suggesting playdates to help suit me and my brood

Having a good laugh together, helping to brighten my mood

Never a competition about who’s done best 

Always making me feel with you there’s no chance you’ll ever judge, not like the rest 

You are the mum friend I trust 

I rely on and I need

When days are bad or I feel doubt

My worries and sad thoughts are soon freed

It just takes that one mum friend who truly gets you and how things are

Someone who’ll turn up at your door or offer support from afar 

In the form of playdates, lunches, sweets, messaging or wine 

We all need at least that one mum friend and I truly treasure mine 

Whinging and weight loss

Well weigh in arrived this morning and I've managed to lose 4lbs! I truly am so pleased, I really feel that hard work and effort has paid off this week.

So as I've got rid of four unwanted pounds of fat, I thought I'd share four other things in life I'd rather be without...

1. Rude commuters
What is it with people on the way to and from work that makes them think they've got this God-given right to act so selfishly? If it's not coughing or sneezing in your face, it's pushing into you or using your head/shoulders/back as a leaning post for themselves or their luggage! I want to get to work on time too and get home quickly to enjoy my evening, but I don't feel the need to knock people over in my bid to do it. I feel so so sorry for myself when I'm ill and mope around looking sad-faced, but I've never felt the urge to inflict my pain on a carriage-full of passengers.

2. Jobsworths
Why oh why do we have to encounter these people seemingly everyday in life. Whether it's at work or when trying to solve your own personal queries, you always meet Little Miss Inflexible or Mr Must-work-to-rule. As someone who likes to help others and in work make life as easy as possible for my clients it really drives me mad when people can't use common sense and see past their bullet point list of agreed rules/steps. Then you find you do work hard or make an effort for friends and then you become Little Miss Put Apon.

3. London Transport
Why do we have to put up with a service that the majority of the time doesn't run on time, has rude staff (252 drivers I'm referring to you here!) and yet increases in cost every year? We're trapped because we have to use the service to get to work or visit key places in our capital and so nothing changes.

4. Fair-weather friends
You know the ones I mean, only get in touch when they want something, need attention or want to show off how amazing their life is. They get stuck for cash, need someone to go on a night out because others have let them down or always lean on you but never offer their support. Why do we let them do it?

Ah...and breathe. That little rant just helped a bit and also made my train journey home pass a bit quicker. Now just need to deal with these annoying friends and jobsworths and we're sorted!

The Friend

The friend you grew up with, riding your bikes out and playing fun games
The friend who’s so quiet and a bit out there, but you love all the same
The friend who matches your loud, dirty laugh
Nights out you never do by half


The friend you made at uni, you’ve shared so much
The work friend with a super sweet tooth, who always gives things the personal touch
The friends you’ve known for years and years
The friend who’s only interested when things are down and you’re shedding tears
The good time friend who’s always owing you money
The friend who has you in stitches, their humour is just so funny


Friends you can rely on, those who are just for having fun
The group of friends you’ve made and share with your loved one
The friends you made through work, who were once just office colleagues
The friend whose life is always full of secrets and intrigue


Those friends you haven’t known for all that long, but you are already so close to
You feel like you’ve known each other for years and they’re always there to turn to
The friend who can finish your sentence, so many interests you share
Evenings spent indulging in good food and giggling, you always know they’ll be there


The ones you thought were your friends, but sadly they change and become selfish
All life revolves around them and how their life is so rich
The ones who divulge your secrets and let you down
All those good times you shared seem so far in the past now
Special occasions and memorable events get forgetten
They’re not of interest unless it can be related back to them


The friends you’ve holidayed with more than once
Who are always genuine, there’s no need to put on any fronts
You laugh, you cry, you talk, you shout
Ups and downs across the years, but that’s what friends are all about

I’ve got a job!!!

Okay this is probably going to be the most boring (and slightly cheesey) blog ever, but I just had to shout it from the rooftops – I’VE GOT A NEW JOB!

Yes after umming and aahing for the last 6 months wherever to leave somewhere where I really wasn’t happy, I can’t believe how quickly I’ve found employment! And thank goodness before I was due to leave work.

I really couldn’t tell you how many jobs I’ve applied for through the various job alerts and employment site opportunities I’ve replied to. All I know is since mid May I’ve had a casual chat which resulted in a near job offer, an interview which fell through as they reduced their budget and weren’t pursuing the role anymore and then another interview – whereby I was successful, was called back for a second one and then got offered a job the next day. Pretty speedy work if I do say so myself (I’d only resigned 15 days before). Just seems utter madness I held off resigning for so long now.

Anyway I’m not going to go on too much about this, but I really do feel I need to put down in words how supportive, committed and caring some people have been to me throughout this whole process. You really do learn who your true friends are and I was blown away at how much people cared and were there for me.

I can’t even say thank you enough to my boyfriend and parents to how far they’ve gone and how much comfort they’ve brought me from their amazing ways, but on top of that a few close friends and work colleagues have really made me close to tears with their help and support. So, just really wanted to say a humongous thank you to them all, from the bottom of my heart.

The next step now then is that I begin my new role at the start of August and I’m lucky to have a break of 18 days from when I leave work to when I then start my role, a-mazing!

Of course I’m nervous and scared about the responsibility involved in this new position and it will be so strange not being the one who knows it all, but I know it’s also a fantastic new chapter in my life.

Now I’m just filled with dread for the leaving do – my poor liver is already shaking with fright!