New decade, new decisions

As I’m sat here in my pjs, having consumed a glass of wine, thinking about having fish and chips for dinner (and understandably having put on a lot of weight the last week - er actually month!) I realise maybe I need to take on board the whole new year, near me crap we hear each New Year.

The majority of people tend to make resolutions as the year ends and a new one begins and everyone laughs as let’s be honest who rarely ever actually keeps to them? 

You know what though? For the sake of sticking to those old cliches what would I try to do if I were to make any resolutions? One I might actually have any hope of keeping?

Well quite frankly 2019 - admittedly along with a few other years - showed me true colours from a number of individuals in various walks of life. 

If there’s one thing I need to learn to do and to teach my children to attempt to do is not worry so much about everyone else.

I really my want my kids to be kind and consider other people’s feelings. But to be honest I hope they’re not so conscious of them as I am. 

You know why? When you worry so much about how others feel and think you really do neglect your own wellbeing, big time. And I hate to say it a lot of people take you for a mug.

Now I don’t want to suddenly become a cold, selfish, out-for-all-they-can-get kind of person, but I seriously need to stop and look at me.

Not worry what someone might think if I say no, or if I speak my mind, I ask for help I need, I take time for me. Not worry how others may cope if I take my foot off the gas at times. 

If becoming a Mum has taught me anything - and believe me there have been a fair few lessons - it’s that time really does fly and once you start to put yourself low down on the pecking order and near the back of the queue (okay pretty much the end of the line most of the time!) then it doesn’t take long for it to become the norm. 

This year I feel I really need to find a way of worrying about me. 

If others show me they’re not too concerned if they offend me, then right back at ya. If I see those signs I need a break then take one, if it makes others struggle temporarily as a result so be it. 

I’ve always been so focused on keeping the peace, not offending and making sure everyone around is happy I’ve realised I’ve kind of forgot myself in the process.

It’s a new decade so what better time to get right out my comfort zone and be concerned with me?

Making time for Mum

Ha even the title of this post is proving the point of how things change when you have children.

Not making time for me/for Mel but for ‘Mum’. I’m sure I’m not the only one who wonders where they’ve gone since having kids - what happened to the person you were pre-children?

The gap since my last post should give some sort of indication of how time for myself is pretty much forgotten most the time these days - definitely bottom of the pile in life as I know it now, with it’s never ending and constantly growing to do list.

I dread to even think how this will even read - can I even write well anymore? Or has my Mum mode/baby brain/rhyme singing mind taken over?

Don’t get me wrong I adore my children and truly know how blessed I am to even have them. (There you go obligatory Mum guilt statement number 1!)

However, one of the key things that shocked me when having children is the discovery of how different it is to how I ever imagined and the sense of loss in your self that can be experienced at times.

I don’t really like to make new year resolutions, let’s face it most of them aren’t kept to and aren’t that sincere. Or we just ride along with the generic cliched standard list that get rolled out most years - be healthier, lose weight, be better with money, be more organised, blah blah blah.

I’m really hoping this year to try and make more time for me. I see it myself, after a little time on my own or getting to be ‘the old me’ as I often view it, it’s like hitting the reset button. I’m more chilled and I miss and value those little munchkins of mine even more. I appreciate my life a whole lot more and the resentment, anxiety, tiredness, impatience, short temper and stress is chipped away and seems not all that bad.

Yes it’s tough being a Mum and a stay at home Mum at that - pre child me is sitting there now rolling her eyes at that one (you ‘don’t work’, you’re at home, what’s so hard about that, how can you be stressed?) But if you can find some balance and have a few bits of ‘time off’ now and again it’s such a fulfilling and worthwhile life and a privilege to be able to experience.

So why is it every time I even start to consider looking into booking some time for me - shopping, a film, a spa day, just an hour or two to read a book, have a bath, listen to music, see friends - the guilt kicks in?

Why do we feel so bad at needing a break? Why do we feel it’s so wrong to want to be someone over than Mum?

Tell me, how do you balance it? What do you do? And what is this guilt? I’m sure I’m not the only one who gets it, right?

So yeah, 2019, I’d like a bit more time for me please and to also be a fiancée again and enjoy some time as a couple - the pair we used to be, not Mummy and Daddy for all the time.

Now if I can just get over this guilt first...and the care of 11month old twins and a 2 and a half year old...the washing...the nappies...the shopping...the cleaning...the diary planning..the budgeting...the cooking...

Oh, you know what, maybe tomorrow...

New Years Eve

Well here we are again, 31st December, the end of another year.

What has 2012 held for you? For me it’s been a bit of a mixture.

It’s been a great year because my boyfriend got a job after many months out of work, I’ve done lots of fun things this year, including going on an amazing trip to Thailand to mark turning 30 and I’ve achieved lots of personal goals in terms of getting healthier, losing weight and exercising more.

On the not so good side it was a hard year for my parents after my Mum had her accident back in April time where her leg got broken and recovery is still ongoing.

I feel 2012 overall has been a year of discovery though – finding out things I like to do, trying new things and gaining/losing people from my life, all of which have been positive moves I can now see.

For now though I have 2013 to look forward to and whatever it may bring, I have a few things I’m hoping for, but who knows.

Finally after a few years we will be celebrating properly with friends tonight, although my boyfriend is working again (the cause of previous years not being quite so fun). However, he is going to rush down to meet me and our friends and hopefully be there before midnight! I need to make the most of tonight and enjoying the drinks as after 9am tomorrow I can’t drink for a whole month, since I’m doing dry January

Of course talking about a new year and New Year’s Eve, you can’t avoid the age-old topic of resolutions, new beginnings, what do you want to achieve.

Personally, I don’t like setting resolutions as such as people always pick the same things lose weight, stop smoking, drink less, take up a new hobby etc. How often do people stick at them? A few weeks? Go into any gym and the first few weeks of January are swarmed with people having a workout or trying a class, then all of a sudden it starts to empty out again.

If I had to give a list of things I’d like to try and do in 2013 or achieve I guess I would have to say:

Keep up the exercise and try and improve my running

Keep working on getting in shape and lose lots more weight

Try more new things – such as more art/culture – ballet, opera, art, new books etc

Keep up the healthy eating/drinking as feel so much better for it (starting with Dry January tomorrow!)

Try and write more, perhaps looking into doing it more than just for fun

Get a house with my boyfriend (or at least be fully saved up together to get one)
Try and see friends more, especially those who don’t live so close

Quite a lot there, perhaps I better stop before I make my 2013 too hectic!

So, all that remains for me to say is have an amazing evening tonight whatever you choose to do and I wish you all a very Happy New Year!! Here’s to a very happy and healthy 2013.

Another year another blog post

* sorry for any typos guys typing on a phone and with numb fingers (plus have been sofa-bound stuffing my face and not using my brain for the last couple of weeks!) *

So it's back to work for me today and my first blog of 2012!

This year is set to bring a host of events for close friends and I'm hoping the same will be said for me, we'll see...

So far we have three friends with babies due, numerous 30th birthdays (mine included, argh!!) and at least two weddings to attend (one of which I am maid of honour for. My boyfriend is running two marathons (within a week of each other!) Hopefully he will get a new job shortly and we have some tickets to the Paralympics to look forward to. In fact I'm pleased to say two separate sets of friends have already had their little ones, one around Christmas and one on New Years Day!

I have of course, like most of Britain, had a think about New Years Resolutions. Granted I always wonder why I bother since most of us don't stick to them anyway, but I felt I should at least give it a go.

My number one aim is to lose weight and get healthy again. In 2009 I started a healthy eating and exercise plan and over about a year/18 months I lost around three stone. Good work right? Hm it was until since Xmas 2010 onwards (so around the last year or so) I calculated yesterday I put about two stone of that back on!

So yesterday after we'd consumed near enough all the sweets and treats the days before, I started a healthy eating/exercise plan. I want to lose at least two stone (when I was at my lowest and in my 'ideal' weight range I still was looking to shift another 12lbs or so...)

So I will try and keep you posted on here how I get on. Who knows perhaps it'll help me stick to it. Be warned on weeks I lose nothing be prepared for some pretty stroppy blog posts!!

I did get a book for Christmas full of blogging tips though, so at least my blogs should get better and more frequent... Resolution number 2.

I have some other resolutions too but I'll share another time perhaps to avoid any issues (long story!)

One thing I may well consider for this year is new years eve again just me and my man and my little old flat. We were both set for a pretty boring evening, but had a great laugh - lovely meal, home made cocktails, lots of champagne, dancing, laughing etc etc. I would highly recommend it. Did you notice actually most people seemed to stay in this year?...

After a couple of lazy days, post new year's eve I admit the day didn't start great, in fact neither did the new year thanks to certain events (nothing serious don't worry!) The rain and wind chucking it down this morning and my delayed train weren't the most welcome on my commute back to work.

However, so far so good:

Gym visit yesterday and healthy eating
Healthy food shop yesterday
Healthy breakfast today and healthy lunch (fruit snacks to follow)
Some form of exercise and healthy dinner planned for tonight and watching Biggest Loser for inspiration (cringe, I know my TV taste is bad!)

Anyway I shall keep you posted. How did your New Year turn out? 2012 good for you so far? I'm off as my lunchbreak is nearly over and after - stupidly - sitting outside, I have nearly lost all feeling in my fingers!!

Happy New Year

Wake up feeling moody and down
Thinking of all the things this year that made you frown

For weeks pressure builds up to make your plans the best
Will you be having the most fun on a night better than the rest?

You feel sad over those loved and lost family
And disappointment at the friends who've let you down sadly

All day, shops are bustling as people buy their drink and food
Around you there's that buzz, such an excited mood

You spend hours picking that outfit and getting yourself ready
Look forward to the midnight chimes and a kiss with your partner or perhaps someone new if you don't have somebody

You end up waiting in a long queue in the freezing cold
Paying a fortune on entrance fees, drinks and cab fares, thinking for this I'm too old

Or you stay in and keep warm with those close around you
People you know who care and want a happy new year for you too

As the countdown begins you look forward to the new year in sight
Plans for the future, new friends, new goals, please make them all go right

The party poppers and champagne corks all go off with an almighty bang
Auld Lang Syne in big hugging groups is loudly sang

Ahead are weddings, babies, engagements, hen parties, big birthdays and of course the Olympics
New achievements and being able to see your resolutions list full of ticks

Whatever you do, however you may celebrate
Here's wishing you a night that in your way is great

Happy New Year to you all
Here's hoping 2012 is set to be a ball!