Slowly but surely

Sitting on the sofa I've got the guilts a bit this evening. I'm watching trashy reality TV - the Celebrity Big Brother final (the shame!) 

In front of me is the following view:

Yes. A huge pile of cardboard boxes. My lovely fiancé went and got these for me so I can pack up all the 'stuff' I've accumulated after nearly 7 years in my flat.

I started the 'declutter' and sort out last Saturday and since? Erm, well...not a lot.

I'm so excited to move out and buy a house with my man, but I am being so lazy about the steps beforehand to get to that point.

I need to sort it out!

I also kept eating bad food and lazing about. 

However, last night I started back on the 30 Day Shred and I've been eating healthily the last two days.

To try and stay on track I've started using the MyFitnessPal App again, just to help encourage me to watch more closely what I'm eating. I typically keep a food diary and use a very old Weight Watchers points system to help guide my intake. For now I think calorie counting is needed though. 

Tonight I finished work a bit late and I was pretty sleepy when I got home. I knew I couldn't give up already though and so tonight I did my workout DVD again.

It's frightening how quickly your fitness drops. I feel such a weakling at the moment. Just doing the moves with my super light hand weights I can feel my arms, shoulders and thighs aching. And even doing squats my glutes were starting to hurt.

I was pleasantly surprised this morning at not being too much in pain. Particularly that my bad back hadn't come back! 

Part way through I was regretting starting the workout. But as circuit 3 came around I knew I was nearly done and so it wasn't going to be hard as I expected.

I think tomorrow however I will be finding myself with a few tight muscles!

So although I feel rubbish I've not made more progress with my flat sort out and some other points on my To Do list at home, I'm kind of pleased with myself for forcing myself to get back on track with my fitness and diet. 

Slowly but surely I'll get there! 

I'm an insecure girl too: help me out of here!

Sitting here on a Friday night on my own, without any foodie treats, vino or company and wearing my onesie, I'm clearly not worried how sad I sound.

Therefore I'll crank it up a notch and admit I'm watching I'm A Celebrity! Oh and I am ill and on antibiotics, hence the naff social life of late and depressed mood!

Anyways, I'm watching said reality show on ITV and am pleased to say it's made me smile tonight.

Yesterday however was another story. 

Don't get me wrong I'm pleased body image and what women face regarding their feelings and appearance was highlighted. I felt so saddened though that a top athlete could be made so low and has had such a bad time of it all down to her appearance.

No matter how time progresses nothing changes for us girls and our bodies does it?

It saddens me and makes me so angry that a woman who has an OBE and has a bloody Olympic medal for goodness sake can feel so low and worthless over ignorant peoples' comments on social media and being around a beauty pageant stunner. 

I'm not anti Amy Willerton at all, she seems a nice enough person and her challenge today showed her to be brave and with a sense of humour - she did very well and was very calm throughout. 

Admittedly this did anger me, just through pure jealousy - she is so pretty and a nice person and is good with heights, bugs and adventurous challenges. Damn her!

Although I have to say her fawning over Joey Essex has done my head in! 

It's just unbelievable that we are in 2013 and every woman in that jungle is being judged by their appearance or has issues. The fact Laila (Mo from Eastenders) seems the most confident says a lot - body confidence seems to come with age and experience. Perhaps it's because she comes from an era that celebrated curves? 

Rebecca has clear issues with appearance and Lucy from Emmerdale was very forthcoming in revealing her insecurities. 

For such a trashy TV easy-watching show like this it's been pretty hard going to watch. 

As a female who is constantly worrying about my size and judging myself against others it also hit a nerve. I think a lot of us girls are the same sadly. 

My boyfriend even laughs whenever I'm off to the gym or eating healthily saying I'd never be happy whatever size I may be and whatever compliments people give me I don't accept.

For tonight though I've been cheered somewhat. Yes I was annoyed at after showing Amy doing so well in a physical challenge, the program then resorted to the clichéd shower scene so well known now on I'm A Celeb after the famous Mylene scenes! 

But then Matthew Wright saved the day. Yes sobbing scared candidate Mr Wright, the smarmy faced channel 5 presenter you typically want to slap. He saved the day?

Why? Because he decided to do his own white bikini shot in the waterfall shower. Classic! 

Just the sort of thing we need to see, mocking of these long awaited 'sexy' scenes that all the tabloids wait for. About bloody time! 

So men take note, us girlies enjoy a bit of humour, regardless of how you look. So perhaps once in a while judge a lady by her combined assets and not just those that belong in a bikini or in your childish lad mag fantasies!

And girls? You're not getting off lightly either. Stop bitching about one another - we all do it - maybe next time you start think of how you feel next to that beauty in the bar with you or having to step out in that teeny weeny swimwear in the Summer.

Will I be applying this attitude myself? Of course! 

Now what was it they were saying in the Dingo Dollar about how many lies men tell, never mind women... 

Too old to travel? Too boring to backpack?

Tonight is the third week of Channel 4's The Audience. As I've mentioned before I really like this concept and enjoy the problem solving journey as you watch.

Funnily enough this week is about travelling. Should the guy quit his job and go travelling? He has no mortgage, has never been anywhere particularly exotic on holiday. It seems a no brainer, but obviously as always with this program there'll be more to it.

For a long time I've seen work colleagues over the years go travelling and I've often wondered did I commit myself too early by buying a property and getting a mortgage when younger?

Since going to Thailand (yes I'm sorry I am going to mention it again!) I've really thought more about travelling.

Yes I've been very lucky and had a good childhood where I got to travel all over the world. I've been on some amazing holidays and breaks in my adulthood too.

However I've never travelled 'properly'. Always going on holidays, rather than going away for an extended period of time.

Now, as I'm 30, I've got a mortgage and I'm thinking more about the future and settling down, have I left it too late?

My boyfriend is just getting settled into his job after that awful period last year when he was out of work, and so travelling for him, I imagine is a no go.

I've not been in my job long enough to get a paid long term break to go travelling either.

There's times where I think I've still seen a lot of the world and still can.

Yet I've never completely cut off from real life and gone with just a backpack on, my passport and minimal cash. Have I ever really properly experienced a country?

Moreover would I be able to cope as a 'backpacker'? Yes over the years I'm getting better at packing lighter, but I'm certainly a far way from fitting everything in one compact bag.

Could I cope going on my own, or being apart from the man I love for so long? Is it safe? What if I got ill?

Just asking these questions makes me think I've got too 'old' and serious to go travelling.

Am I just wanting to go as my last holiday was so amazing? Am I going to regret it when I'm elderly and realise I've missed out. Or am I simply tempted to feel younger and more fun?

Nothing but questions!

Who knows. Perhaps I need the help of The Audience too!

Don't tell the bride - magical or mental?

As we all know I love trashy TV. I like nothing better than unwinding on my sofa after a day at work and letting my brain go numb as I enjoy programmes which need no thinking. Just sit back and enjoy the trash!

One of the shows I therefore love is Don't Tell The Bride.

For anyone who - insanely - hasn't seen this BBC Three offering, it focuses on a couple for a few weeks. The man gets a budget of £12,000 and after being separated from his girlfriend he has to plan and book an ENTIRE wedding.

The girl gets NO say at all on the day, no input at all.

Just think girls, that big day - some say the biggest day of your life and you're leaving it all to a man. The cake, the flowers, the venue, the hen do, the dress! Need I say more.

Nearly every time I watch this show I think why, why did you go on this show?? Why would you ever agree to it? Particularly when those girls feature who have their dream day in mind and are very set in their ways about what they will or won't have.

Of course if you really have no money and this is your only way to get married, well you're getting handed £12k for 'free' effectively.

I just can't get my head around the fact you put something so important on the TV for every trashy TV watching person to see. Your special day. Surely that should be private?

Also the cynical side of me says - why don't you talk before the show?? Yes, of course the rule of the show is not to communicate throughout the process. Nobody knows what you've told your man beforehand though do they?...

Just give them a list of what you want and hey presto! It's done!

Moreover, why are some of the people getting married? There are the guys who pick the opposite venue to what the bride would ever choose, those that waste most of the budget on jokey props or the stag do. And nobody will ever forgot the moron in the Las Vegas episode...

I for one would not go on this programme unless I was super desperate. However if we did have to go on there, I am pretty confident my man knows me well enough to know what I'd want and what we'd both want on our special day as a couple.

Most of these men (and to be fair women) seem to forget the point of marriage - love and spending the rest of your life with that special someone. Not an excuse for a party or being the most different.

Anyway I've got to get back to my trashy TV, there's a guy planning a heavy metal wedding this time and a girl who wants two wedding dresses...

Decisions decisions

I am so indecisive. Even when simply sat in a restaurant chain eaterie I struggle to decide what I want to order. Starters or not. What colour wine? Do I want afters?

What usually happens is that I ask to be the last person in the group to order and if I'm with my man I opt for sharer starters or persuade him to get another main I like so I can try some of his!

At work I take my lunch in each day, on the odd occasion I haven't brought my food in with me I end up in a nightmare situation - struggling to decide what to get to eat.

When making important decisions I take my time and if others are involved I always try and keep everyone happy as much as I can. Which in turn makes decision making even tougher.

How do you know when you make decisions if you're making the right choice? Or whether you're being selfish, stupid or misguided.

So when I saw an advert for new Channel 4 programme The Audience I was extremely interested.

A person has a life dilemma facing them, for a week 50 people follow them and talk to the people involved. At the end the group have to make a joint decision and give this poor person their answer.

What makes me laugh is even here I can't decide. I thought oh what a great idea for a show and how nice to have all those people to guide you.

Then in the next breath? I don't know how I'd feel having complete strangers making such a big decision for me.

How are the people selected?

Before I get confused whether I even want to watch the show or not! I'm off to concentrate on it and see if I'm able to make a decision for someone else. Is it easier to pick a choice for someone you're not involved with?

Erm... Can I get back to you on that one?

The Biggest Letdown?

Last night saw the final of The Biggest Loser and saw one contestant crowned Biggest Loser 2012.

I will embarrassingly admit I was looking forward to this TV show and ensured I was back home and sat on my sofa watching in plenty of time.

However, I found myself disappointed. Let me explain.

Weight was on my mind also as the day before - the start of week 11 of my healthy eating and exercise plan - I found I've now lost a total of 14 pounds/a whole stone! I was extremely happy with this.

Funnily enough the first episode of Biggest Loser was on my first week on my plan too and I liked tuning in each week as I found it helped encourage me on my own journey.

Sadly I started to lose a little interest when the game playing and 'pact' started on the show. This in turn saw me change my mind on a number of contestants - in particular Kevin and Jessie.

The show has always been about weight loss and improving your life and health and last year everybody supported one another. This year the sour turn to keeping your friends in and tactical voting was unwelcome and I feel tarnished the show somewhat.

On viewing the final nobody could argue the amazing results achieved though, weightloss percentages of 40 over 24 weeks are certainly nothing to be sniffed at and are a great achievement. All the contestants, trainers and dieticians involved should be commended on such amazing results.

The problem I had though was finding it hard to be happy for the winners.

You have Kevin who although worked amazingly well and achieved jaw dropping results let himself down when playing games and acting so childishly towards his niece Amy Mac on the show.

And as for Jessie, at first I didn't like her, then I started to be won round as she pushed and pushed herself and worked incredibly hard. Then she went back to her sour-faced negative ways and was constantly moaning and game-playing. The penultimate episode just showed it all when she sulked about the Brecon Beacons challenge, didn't try and then had a hissy fit about the potential runner up prize still on offer in the final.

I thought throughout Sarah was amazing, she worked so hard no matter what and was a fair team player. On watching last night's show though I was surprised to see her father hadn't appeared to make an effort to lose weight after the health warnings he'd had.

Therefore you can imagine my disappointment when the two who had played games were the ultimate winners. The program ended and I felt deflated and let down to be honest.

Now this has ended for another year I'll just need to focus on my own weightloss journey and goals and let's hope I'm not left disappointed there...

Are any of the X Factor contestants genuine?

After a hectic day of a gym visit, buying some household goods and cleaning my flat (I know how to live!) I find myself yet again on the sofa tuning in to the X Factor. It’s one of those programs I always feel slightly ashamed of watching, but I can’t help myself watching it.

As you’ve probably read in the papers, this year though the viewing figures have dropped. People can’t decide why, is it because Simon and Cheryl are gone? Is the talent not there? Are people bored of the show format? Or do more people have a life now and are actually going out on a Saturday night instead of staying in being boring like me?

Watching the program tonight I think I might have an idea why. Many, if not most, of the contestants just don’t seem believable to me. You’ve got Frankie ‘jack the lad’ Cocozza (how much have they tried to build that reputation?), Kitty – the Lady Gaga wannabe, Janet the pure, quiet little Irish girl, I won’t go on.

Everyone knows the X Factor always says they are looking for something new and different and then they reproduce some manufactured act which fits their predictable mould every time. This year it seems this is even more evident. Most of the singers in the competition to me are not being their true selves and are giving answers they’ve been told to give. They are singing songs they aren’t comfortable with and they’ve had makeovers into characters which they don’t suit them and aren’t true to them.

Now I know that when we see film stars and music acts we aren’t necessarily seeing the true them, but at least the acts that are already famous are believable.

The show is always centred on the judges and becomes a popularity contest, but this year again seems worse. Just watching Kelly Rowland tell people off for having opinions if they dare to disagree with her and Louis Walsh and Gary Barlow bicker, it just makes the show even more of a mockery. As for Alexandra Burke last week, don’t even get me started…

You have a young boy who can’t sing and was staying in the competition based on his fake image the program has tried to create. People start to admit this and then it turns into an argument between the judges to divert away from that fact. At first I was pleased to have Gary Barlow as a judge, someone who would know what they were speaking about and came from the industry and had success. However, I’m starting to think the show might be damaging for his reputation, if anything. Defending a contestant who clearly can’t sing and having petty squabbles with other team members, isn’t the best portrayal of him I’ve seen.

I won’t lie though, after nosing out my window at the local fireworks banging and sparkling outside, I will be tuning into ITV2 for the Xtra Factor to check out the fireworks on screen…

Nasty Factor

I am sitting here watching X Factor on a Saturday night – sad I know and even sadder that I was pleased I am in tonight to see it. However, I am just so annoyed I had to blog about it.

Recently in the press I saw reports where the X Factor was criticised for an older woman having gone to the auditions four years in a row and always being rejected. People suggested she may not be mentally stable, others hinted that in fact the programme was behind her repeat visits because it was ‘good TV’. I admit I laughed it off and thought it was just another silly story for publicity.

However, on watching tonight’s show, ‘Bootcamp’, where people had been told at their audition they were through to this stage, things have now changed. Before Bootcamp started the judges actually went back and looked through audition tapes and realised that in fact around 40 or so of those they put through, actually weren’t up to the challenge.

Clearly this is a decision to make ‘good TV’ and cause controversy, but surely it gets to a point where people’s lives and feelings need to be considered somewhat? I’m not an actress, singer, or in any way an entertainments type of person. I do however recognise this sort of industry is tough and people need to be prepared for it.

Getting all those people in front of one another and then humiliating those individuals that for some reason all of a sudden aren’t good enough anymore in my opinion is just not right.

Yes in that sort of industry people have to go through various stages of auditioning, tests, callbacks and more. From my knowledge though they are aware of those stages? They have not been told they’ve reached another stage and then before that stage begins they get cut, without any explanation and without a chance to fight for their place.

Three of the judges are in musical groups – do they not remember how tough it was for them and that one person in their life that gave them a break or a chance? No, it’s all about what outfit to wear this week and how many front covers they can get on ready for next week’s show. As each group is coming on stage what is it they are asking – has anybody had any fights over the song choice! Another group sings and one young boy who they all clearly love has been deemed the stand out of that selection – he was so weak!

Already you can get a good idea of who they are looking at to put through – they are smiling at those people within seconds of them singing, or in some cases as soon as they walk on stage or in the room. Not a very fair competition then in my eyes…

I know X Factor has always been – and likely always will be – a show for entertainment and people have complained about it for a long time. I too am now feeling myself join the camp of being anti this show and understanding although people with talent will also feature in it that’s not what the show’s producers are interested in. They want people who are prepared to be humiliated or one side, or on the other be someone who will allow themselves to be moulded and modelled into the exact robotic replica star Mr Cowell and his team need to make their bank balances even bigger.