Why it's different if us girls do it...

My fiancé sat in bed and read my post last night (in a very mocking voice I may add) and then turned to me and immediately suggested another.

So here I am about to tell you all about boys and girls and why we need two sets of rules. 

Recently I saw a strip show, The Dreamboys no less. It was at my local theatre and we were a good few rows back I can assure you.

I'd seen the tickets advertised last year and decided it'd be a funny thing to do with my Mum, one of my best friends and her Mum. 

This was the second time I'd been to a strip show (the other being Adonis Cabaret in London for my friend's Hen Do). 

Both times I had a real laugh and a good giggle, but men have questioned how I'd feel if it was my man going to see female strippers.

My answer? It's different.

I also mentioned yesterday how I'm prone to a bit of banter with the opposite sex and maybe a dance when on a night out. Again, how would I feel if it was my partner doing that when on a lads night?

It's different.

We've often found random photos on our cameras in the past of group pictures or images of us pulling funny faces next to a complete stranger (male) from a night out.

What if I saw photos of my loved one in similar poses? 

It's different.

Sensing a bit of a pattern here? 

So why is it different for men and women? 

In my opinion females tend to be about having laughs or wearing new outfits on a night out. It is men who approach women.

When I've gone to see strippers they've had a comedy element. To me it's completely different to men shoving notes in a girl's underwear and drooling with their mates in seedy joints with comments like 'look at the t**s on that!' 

As a girl I know what men are like in a bar and club they are constantly on the lookout. It is not in my experience girls who go up to them. So I would conclude then that if your man is with a girl in a club or photo chances are he's gone up to her.

Yes I know this is a generalisation and I'm only going on me and my friends and what we've experienced. 

A girl goes to a strip 'show' not a club and giggles throughout. A girl goes to a club and has to shove away men who try and join their group and won't take the hint. A girl gets drunk and thinks she can dance like Rihanna and likes taking silly selfies, not really aware most of the time who's tried to 'photobomb' their image.

Of course as with my last blog there are some exceptions to the rule.

Men you disagree? You go on stag weekends and admire the architecture? You never approach girls in clubs? 

As I sit here and shake my head from side to side, tutting, I have one answer for you. Have you not learnt yet? Girls are always right! 

I'm an insecure girl too: help me out of here!

Sitting here on a Friday night on my own, without any foodie treats, vino or company and wearing my onesie, I'm clearly not worried how sad I sound.

Therefore I'll crank it up a notch and admit I'm watching I'm A Celebrity! Oh and I am ill and on antibiotics, hence the naff social life of late and depressed mood!

Anyways, I'm watching said reality show on ITV and am pleased to say it's made me smile tonight.

Yesterday however was another story. 

Don't get me wrong I'm pleased body image and what women face regarding their feelings and appearance was highlighted. I felt so saddened though that a top athlete could be made so low and has had such a bad time of it all down to her appearance.

No matter how time progresses nothing changes for us girls and our bodies does it?

It saddens me and makes me so angry that a woman who has an OBE and has a bloody Olympic medal for goodness sake can feel so low and worthless over ignorant peoples' comments on social media and being around a beauty pageant stunner. 

I'm not anti Amy Willerton at all, she seems a nice enough person and her challenge today showed her to be brave and with a sense of humour - she did very well and was very calm throughout. 

Admittedly this did anger me, just through pure jealousy - she is so pretty and a nice person and is good with heights, bugs and adventurous challenges. Damn her!

Although I have to say her fawning over Joey Essex has done my head in! 

It's just unbelievable that we are in 2013 and every woman in that jungle is being judged by their appearance or has issues. The fact Laila (Mo from Eastenders) seems the most confident says a lot - body confidence seems to come with age and experience. Perhaps it's because she comes from an era that celebrated curves? 

Rebecca has clear issues with appearance and Lucy from Emmerdale was very forthcoming in revealing her insecurities. 

For such a trashy TV easy-watching show like this it's been pretty hard going to watch. 

As a female who is constantly worrying about my size and judging myself against others it also hit a nerve. I think a lot of us girls are the same sadly. 

My boyfriend even laughs whenever I'm off to the gym or eating healthily saying I'd never be happy whatever size I may be and whatever compliments people give me I don't accept.

For tonight though I've been cheered somewhat. Yes I was annoyed at after showing Amy doing so well in a physical challenge, the program then resorted to the clichéd shower scene so well known now on I'm A Celeb after the famous Mylene scenes! 

But then Matthew Wright saved the day. Yes sobbing scared candidate Mr Wright, the smarmy faced channel 5 presenter you typically want to slap. He saved the day?

Why? Because he decided to do his own white bikini shot in the waterfall shower. Classic! 

Just the sort of thing we need to see, mocking of these long awaited 'sexy' scenes that all the tabloids wait for. About bloody time! 

So men take note, us girlies enjoy a bit of humour, regardless of how you look. So perhaps once in a while judge a lady by her combined assets and not just those that belong in a bikini or in your childish lad mag fantasies!

And girls? You're not getting off lightly either. Stop bitching about one another - we all do it - maybe next time you start think of how you feel next to that beauty in the bar with you or having to step out in that teeny weeny swimwear in the Summer.

Will I be applying this attitude myself? Of course! 

Now what was it they were saying in the Dingo Dollar about how many lies men tell, never mind women... 

Is a woman's place still in the kitchen?

I'm no forceful feminist, I don't want to constantly argue women's case throughout life, nor try and 'get one up' on men. However, I'm also not a wannabe Desperate Housewife, wanting to stay at home all day and pander to a man's every whim.

For me, in any relationship, everything needs to be fair - whether it's sharing chores, managing money or sorting social plans.

We all know in the past men were traditionally seen as the hunter-gatherers and women were there to look after the children and keep everyone fed and happy in the home. Times have changed though since then. Or have they?

I often joke with friends that my relationship with my boyfriend is a case of role reversal - I'm the one who goes out drinking and acting the fool, the one who suffers all day with the hangover and needs looking after. It is my boyfriend who takes care of me and complains about my never learning to drink less.

Don't get me wrong, I think that whatever works best for the couple in question is the right way to be, who am I to say how others' relationships should work.

However, it's whether or not both sides are happy that bothers me and I find it shocking how 'traditional' roles for women are still expected and very apparent in relationships today and our modern world.

Women who don't go to a physical office or place of employment, are still labelled as 'just a housewife'.

I don't have kids and until I do I don't really know the full extent of what being a Mum involves, let alone one who stays at home. However from my own Mum and friends of mine who are mothers I certainly think that caring for a person's life, washing, cleaning, cooking, getting up for feeds and lots more surely constitutes a job in itself.

Why is it that we still feel like certain chores or roles in the home and in family life are gender specific? I admit I'm guilty myself of being far too comfortable with letting my boyfriend take the rubbish bags downstairs for me to the binstore. Although, this is more laziness on my part, rather than thinking 'it's a man's job!'

This topic has come more into the light for me lately, what with my Mum finding herself pretty helpless after breaking her leg. My Mum gave up employment once she had me and never returned to work, becoming a stay at home Mum and 'housewife'. My Dad took on the typical role of 'breadwinner' and they stuck to these roles ever since.

The result now of course is that my Dad is - in his early 60s - having to learn domestic life whilst my Mum recovers from her injury. Cooking, cleaning, shopping, washing and ironing.

However I also know more modern couples that act in this way, again not necessarily something the female in the relationship may have chosen.

Why is it in 2012 men still feel they earn the money, so the woman is indebted to them, to do everything within the home? This even seems to be the case when the girlfriend/wife works themselves. How is this fair?

I feel I'm a little unfair commenting on this at times, since I count myself lucky being in a relationship with someone that doesn't feel this way at all.

He doesn't think men and women have set roles to fill and although we don't live together he helps me keep my flat clean and shares chores with me without question. I also know without a doubt whenever we do one day have children he won't shy away from doing his share and would be happy to look after the child, help with feeds and change those dreaded nappies.

So when are people going to wake up to the fact men and women can take on any roles they want and works for them? And when are we going to stop judging those who do take on these 'traditional' roles if it's right for them?

Gender Tender

We don’t need to have people escort us out on dates, we’re allowed to vote, we don’t need to burn our bras in protest, we are free to choose what to wear and we’re allowed to have our own opinion. Things have moved on so much for women right?

Well yes, in many ways they have, but if you expect to have equal rights when it comes to pay – think again. Us ladies are still bottom of the pile when it comes to wages – men are still earning more. I can’t even believe I am typing this to be honest.

According to a poll by the Chartered Management Institute (CMI), on average the difference between what men and women earnt for the doing same job between February 2010-February 2011 was £10,031 (based on the private sector and 34,158 male and female executives).

Surely if you are doing the same job as another person – be they another gender, race, age or religious belief to you – you both deserve the same salary. Now if you outperform someone, show you are more committed or achieve more for a company then clearly you deserve a bigger cash reward. For being born with breasts and not a penis however is not the same. In any way.

What exactly is the reasoning behind this pay difference? Is it because companies feel women aren’t as committed because we’re off with ‘women-related’ troubles or that we’re all desperate to run off and have babies? Are we too sensitive to deal with the same big issues as men? Or is it that we can’t down as many pints with the lads in after work drinking sessions perhaps?

What was the point of the 1970 Equal Pay Act exactly? Why did the world of tennis listen and start to pay women equally in Wimbledon, but sadly the business world did not?

Some would say there is some hope however, in the fact that the research also showed that junior female manages for the first time earnt more than men. No. This isn’t good. In the same way I don’t want us girls to get less than the boys in work, I also don’t want men getting less than women. We should just earn the same. Why is it so difficult? Moreso, why is it still in this day and age still an issue?

Many companies encourage people to keep the pay they receive to themselves, we assume in a bid to stop us demanding more money if we discover we’re not all getting the same. What would you do though if you did discover somebody in your team doing the same job as you was earning more as you – the only difference between you being that you are female and he is a guy? Would you go and complain and demand more? I’d like to think I would. However, findings suggest – and the fact that we’re still experiencing such a big gap – that women don’t. We just sit back and work hard and get on with it, not stopping to demand why this is happening and fighting for what we rightfully deserve.

Nowadays so many of us are just so grateful to even be in employment we don’t feel strong enough to question things – after all we should feel lucky we even have a job right? When does this current climate of fear stop though? If the tough economic times continue when will we ever feel able to argue against things we feel are unfair? In fact what lies ahead of us if hard times keep going? A company needs to make job cuts – do they get rid of the women as they are the timid ones who don’t argue back? Or do they keep us and work us until we make ourselves ill because we’re cheaper to keep on board?

Perhaps it’s time us ladies go back in time - like those people paying our wages seem to be – and take note of the bravery of those women many years ago who really did fight for our rights? That washed out, aged, greying bra you’ve found in your cupboard? Keep hold of it, who knows, you may well be needing it to burn sometime very soon…