Wednesday, 6 May 2015

The truth

Raindrops hitting the windows, the sound so loud our home is so silent now
I imagine the rain are tears from heaven wondering how

How could you be taken, why did you deserve this
What did we do for life to feel this was fair justice

People focussed on the physical
Like emotions should be over with now after all

It was only small, it's so common, you know you can get pregnant now though
Things happen for a reason, you'll have another, you'll move on, it's better for your health that your body lets it go

Practicalities arranged, appointments cancelled, health items in post 
Work absence to be discussed, trying to think how long you'll need off at most

Nobody gets it, how can life ever be the same, that interest in anything
My love of reading gone, TV just a sound, social plans impossible, silence most comforting 

Cocooned in our home, not wanting to leave
Can't speak to people, I just want to grieve 

Even my phone switched on to silent, curtains closed blocking out the world out there
Getting dressed, washed, the news, people's lives, I just don't care

Not wanting my fiancé to ever leave my side
Knowing he'll have to and I can't always hide

The wind blowing high the rain pelting down
It feels fitting, matching my mood, my emotions, my constant frown 

Anger, agony, exhaustion and pain 
Nothing could ever be the same again

Feeling so empty, bruised and achey within
Nothing on the broken heart and constant thoughts, to smile feels a sin

So thankful for those who have been through it too
A constant source to message and feel there are some who get it like you

That feeling as you wake, thankful for finally some sleep
Then BANG it hits you your baby's no longer yours to keep

The logical side I had at the start, still in shock and not realising it's true
Now gone, a void, no idea what to do

One minute a baby brings you comfort and hope
The next anger someone else has one and isn't like you and won't have this grief with to cope 

Wondering what others think, nobody knew the secret we had
Now it's out there, the pity and the whispered chats, how we must feel so bad

It feels I can't end this poem I could write forever how I'm feeling
Right now it's just a simple tiny way I can slightly imagine it's helping with my healing 

Little Seed will always be baby number one
Whether we go on to have another, whether daughter or son

He or she may have been small and so early on that is true 
But remember this please, still living, existing, still ours, will you? 

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