Grass is always greener?

Well well well the day has finally arrived. Tomorrow is my last day at work. So am I jumping for joy and ecstatic at the thought of never having to go there again? Actually, no.

I’ve found myself today feeling a mixture of emotions, but in the main I’ve felt quite sad. Ironically, after 7 and a half years there, many of which (in the latter years) I’ve just wanted a quick thank you or a bit of recognition – today I got it. A thank you card from my boss with some kind words in it regarding my work, I really genuinely appreciated it.

As I walked round the Canary Wharf shops at lunch I found myself feeling down that my lunchtimes would no longer be spent strolling around the many stores that make up the maze that is the shopping centre there. I seem to have been getting on better with colleagues in the office – I guess because I’m more laid back and relaxed – and just hope I meet people in my new career that are as much fun. I’m not going to be Little Miss Go To Girl who knows it all, I’m going to be the new clueless stranger who doesn’t know anyone or anything yet – scary times.

I am pretty much convinced that tomorrow will see me become a blubbering mess quite early on into the evening at my leaving drinks, in fact it’s pretty likely to occur beforehand. Every kindly worded email I’ve received so far from clients or colleagues alike have left me a bit wet around the tear duct.

So why is it? After months of stressing out as to whether I should leave there and being down and depressed about having to work at the company, how come now I’m able to finally get out I feel unsure and sad?

Is this a typical case of grass is always greener on the other side? I have thought to myself am I going to live to regret my decision. To be honest I really don’t think I will, the time was right and I hope this is the start of many positive years and experiences to come. However, the thought of not seeing some of those people everyday and not doing that familiar journey, viewing those same old sights and friendly faces, is filling me with a dread a bit.

Why is it we always feel that what we haven’t got is what we need or want? People always crave more money, but often it’s the case that however big a salary you have you will spend it and soon want more. You think people with short hair look better, you cut yours and you prefer it long. Some people feel unhappy with their weight, they go on a diet and then find their bubbly personality has gone. People want to move to the country for a nicer way of life, they take the plunge and then find they’re bored as the countryside is too quiet for them. I could go on.

So now I have a day tomorrow of leaving well wishes, a leavers lunch and hopefully a relaxed time before I finish up. Fingers crossed I won’t shed too many tears and I remain polite in my exit interview.

Anyway to be honest I don’t know what I’m worrying about, there’s no guarantee I’m going to be going anywhere after my leaving drinks and the horrendous alcohol consumption that awaits me if my colleagues have anything to do with it. Oh well, I better make the most of it, there may well be another leaving do at the bar we’re going to and I wouldn’t want to wish I was on theirs instead...