I have a problem.
It leaves me feeling foolish, insecure and confused.
Sometimes it feels like I’m the only one with this issue, nobody else seems to struggle so much!
My problem? It’s with hats!
Some people can put any sort of headwear on and immediately ooze an air of being cool and trendy. Even if you’d be a bit unsure when seeing said hat on a shelf in a shop for example, once it rests comfortably on their barnet it becomes fashionable.
I do not possess this quality.
I remember our niece and nephew when they were really young, they both hated anything on their heads. Anything that got even near their head got knocked away or thrown off. I can relate to this, unfortunately my feelings are still with me.
There’s something about a hat on my head that immediately makes me feel stupid and a bit nerdy if I’m honest. You know the way when people put on sunglasses it seems to make them look and feel cool? My feeling with hats is the exact opposite of that.
Even those fascinator things at weddings - I braved my first one this year and I spent the whole time conscious of this big thing sticking out of my head. Yet looking at other females around with similar pieces on I thought they looked great!
Where this has come from I have no idea. I just seem to have a inferiority complex associated with hats.
The problem is when I need to wear a hat. Don’t get me wrong for things like horse riding I obviously wear my riding hat without fail or question (regardless of how silly I might look).
When it comes to the sun and going on holiday though I struggle. I have over the years invested in a few straw/cowboy hat type things for festivals and let’s face it by the time I’m out the tent I’m probably already a tad tipsy so I don’t care how good or bad I appear!
I’ve also had a white floppy number for protecting me from the heat whilst sunbathing. When I bought it a friend at the time had a similar one, so that was all I needed to reassure me it was okay. However on having to wear it on holiday I felt stupid.
Hats just seem to attract so much attention. I feel like I'm saying look at me and that I'm trying to make some sort of statement.
Over the years I've gotten better, in that I manage to convince myself in the shop the hat actually looks quite good. When it comes to wearing in 'real life' though, it's a whole different story.
With only two days until I go to Thailand I've had to purchase a sun hat. Everybody has warned me about the heat and humidity. In the past I have suffered with random fainting spells (not just heat related), so I'm a little paranoid now.
Off I went to get a hat. I bravely decided one of those big floppy straw sun hats would be best. I must have tried it on at least ten times in the shop, I still wasn't sure if I looked okay.
In the end I just bought the damn thing. Well, I need something to protect me after all.
Ever since I keep seeing it on the pile of my other holiday gear, waiting to be packed, and I am filled with doubt.
Am I going to look stupid, does it make my head look big, my face too fat?
Believe me this will continue to go on until I get to Thailand, where on some days I'll convince myself it looks okay.
Then we'll get home and I'll look back over photos and it'll start all over again...