Everybody’s little helper

“You have that type of face.”

“Take it as compliment.”

Just a few choice phrases I hear on many occasion.

At work I need to be super organised and plan and guide team members, at home I am the diary owner and the one who runs our social life, with friends I tend to be the one who over the years makes group arrangements or suggestions of nights out. With family I am the one contacted about meeting up and ideas for plans.

Whatever job I’ve been in and for whatever length of time I’ve always been the go to person for people across the company – Mel will know, Mel keeps records of everything, Mel can tell you, Mel will have the details of who to ask.

I’ve come to realise I just need to accept that this seems to be part and parcel of who I am, my nature, my approach. I help people. I organise.

In turn, I also admittedly get a bit uncomfortable if others do take the reins since I’m a bit of a control freak and they’ll likely not do it how I would have done.

However, last year I began to notice another pattern emerging. That of strangers.

Yes complete and utter strangers, in the street, on public transport, in any kind of random situation you’d like to think of.

People I have no knowledge of until the particular said moment, who also want my help or to talk to me.

We all know the elderly man or lady at the bus stop, they look lonely, they just want someone to make conversation with. I have no issue with them and have sympathy for them, but what is it about me that makes them think they’ll start up a conversation with me. Not the half dozen other people around them and on occasion closer to them.

On my breaks at work, quite often on my walk to or from the local coffee shop I get approached by tourists or people going for a meeting who ask me directions. Now I am based near Brick Lane, Spitalfields and Liverpool Street – you can imagine how many people there are around that area. But I’m the person that gets approached.

The best example so far was yesterday. Walking back to my office a young guy in his late 20s, early 30s, stopped and asked ‘Can I ask you a favour?’ I should add I’d been doing my usual London-commuter-super-fast-paced-stone-faced look so I don’t really think I looked all that friendly.

Me, being me, I said ‘sure’ and smiled.

He then proceeded to present me with a really teeny tiny mobile phone (whilst holding a bigger phone in his other hand) and asked ‘I’ve not got my glasses. Can you do me a favour and read out the number for me’. My getting-old, non-trusting self did even for a minute think this was a scam and he was going to distract me whilst someone else dipped in my bag and took my phone or purse! (I know, how old am I getting??)

So of course I checked which entry and read it out to him. ‘Ah thanks you’re an angel!’ and off he went.

Now, don’t get me wrong it is a compliment people clearly think I am approachable and that to me is a positive thing. However, it can – as you can appreciate – get a little exhausting.

Why is it then people choose to ask me over all these many other members of the public, workspace, social group, family?

I read recently that nowadays we live in a world where people don’t accept responsibility for their actions anymore. We all blame each other and nobody wants to go ahead and do things for others, everyone wants someone else to do it.

I’ve always been someone who can’t stand to see things unfinished or ignored. This new mantra people seem to follow in society is lost on me. It’s just not me.

And when I’ve tried to not offer myself up to do things? In all honesty it’s kind of made me miserable because it’s not the real me.

Even on calls or meetings – if someone makes a joke and nobody responds I feel forced to force a giggle, or silence to somebody’s request for ideas, I will eventually jump in just to offer something.

So maybe I bring it on myself.

Sure, I get that for people who know me a little better. But strangers? I’m baffled, what truly can it be?

Any ideas anyone?
[I say, already doubting a response because after all you’ll all be waiting for me to fill the gap and silence right?]

Get your priorities right

Have you ever noticed how people’s ideas of priorities and what’s really important can differ so much?

For many the most important thing in life is family – they should always come first.

Then there are things such as health and making the most of life.

How do you decide what should take priority and is truly important?

Is there really a right or wrong?

I, for example, feel family always comes first and it should do. Life is too short and you should always be there for each other.

Others it seems do not feel the same way.

What do you do though in these situations and what should you do? Should we maintain a life of biting our tongue so as to keep the peace and harmony amongst family and friends.

Or should we be open and honest and say it as it is?

Are people often what we see as selfish as they don’t know any better or have just got their priorities muddled?

For example what would you do in the following scenarios:

Do everything for other people, but not be there to support your family members?
Enjoy an active social life as you’re on your own, but never make time to see family?
Spend money on material things, or think about others around you who you could help?
Check in with other people or just go to them when you need something?
Take the time to think about gifts/conversations or go for the quick and easy option?

Notice a pattern here? Hm, me too.

As we approach Christmas and are now in the festive season, this should be the time for giving. Sharing, caring and being kind to all, right?

So why do some people find this time of year it’s actually more appropriate to think of number one? But when it suits pull the sympathy card out?

Does this ring any bells for anyone? On talking to some people this seems more common than not.

The thing I get stuck on however is whether to pull people up on these lapses in judgement and behaviour, or to let them work their way through said weird spell and ignore it until they’re back to a more normal self?

Any advice would be much appreciated? That’s if you’ve got time to spare for me of course…

Changing your approach

One of the beautiful things in life is how diverse humanity is, no two people are the same whether in looks, behaviour or attitudes.

However, it can also be one of the most irritating things.

Nobody is perfect and there are good and bad points to each approach people choose to take.

Over the years I’ve learnt more about different management and learning styles and I’ve worked to become more adaptive to others.

One thing that I have become conscious of throughout this is I have a set style and I tend to work much better with those who adapt a similar approach. This can be both in my professional and personal life.

As I’ve worked through these courses/books/training I’ve learnt how different people can get on with different traits to their own by compromise, being more flexible and identifying said differences.

However, the problem is if you are not a flexible person you’re not going to try and consider other views and look to work together. Your way is right end of.

As a result I often find we end up in a never-ending cycle of those of us who are more sensitive/wanting to ‘keep the peace’. We start feeling peeved with other’s attitudes/behaviour -> then remember the different types -> we then realise we need to learn to change -> we try and change -> and are then met with others seemingly not bothering to make the same effort -> we then get annoyed again that we’re always the ones trying to be helpful.

So how do we overcome this?

This is something I still feel I’ve not found the answer to.

I get regularly frustrated when others don’t respond in a timely manner, don’t take ‘hints’ and wait for me to be completely and utterly direct and obvious (which they know I may not be comfortable with) and don’t get me started on being the ‘client’ outside of work. I often think of how I have always treated clients and worked for them and cannot believe what a bad service I’m then experiencing when I’m not the service provider out of work.

I’m going through similar things again at the moment. So I’m trying to broaden my approach and read up on it. Yes I’m in the cycle where I’m trying again to change and adapt, but not wanting to get annoyed part way through with others involved. Tricky.

Right now I’m reading a book by Karren Brady on how she worked her way up as a woman. She clearly has a very different tact to me, but I’m sticking with it and trying to learn something.

I’ve also still got Stephen Covey’s book on my Kindle to read and have recently purchased a book about change for work.

Let’s hope these provide me with all the tools I’ll need! I’ll let you know…

In the meantime any tips will be greatly received!