Control freak

Those that know me well will not be surprised to hear me label myself as a bit of a control freak.

I love to be in control, whether in my personal life or at work.

This often causes me problems.

I get very frustrated and down when I don't have control and things are out of my control and can't be fixed quickly or within a reasonable time.

I am one of those To Do list people, but I want to tick off that list every day and not have long term items that I have to rely on others for. Not a fan. 

Therefore of late I have been a tad down, frustrated, angry etc because lots of things I want to control but can't. 

In turn I've been 'letting my hair down' a tad too much and have let my healthy eating and exercise slip.

Last week I had loads of junk food - burgers, a Chinese, chocolate, cakes etc and I had just one day where I exercised. Topped up with lots of booze. 

The result? Over the last few weeks I've put on weight and am now feeling flabby, tired and a failure. 

So on Sunday night I decided enough is enough and I have to start taking control.

And where is the true area I can do this?

With my diet and exercise of course.

Hence I am now being strict with my food and drink intake, now on Day 4 (Thursday) and I am ensuring I regularly exercise.

Knowing I was on the 'late shift' this week (7pm finish) I knew I needed to be realistic. I also knew that I needed to do something different with my exercise as my spinning routine was becoming exactly that - too routine and the same thing.

My body needed a shock.

So although I wanted to do Insanity, I knew my downstairs neighbours would not be so keen with all the jumping etc. And so I am where I am now.

Doing the 30 Day Shred Jillian Michaels DVD. I've blogged about this before and how good the workout is for such a short (20 minutes) DVD to do at home.

I've never done it for the whole 30 days though and have always used it as an exercise to do when I miss spin or can't be bothered with the gym or the weather outside is no good for a run.

I'm currently on day four (technically I did it on Sunday and it's day five, but I ate bad so am not counting it!) 

I am finding it hard to stick to the healthy eating as the sun is making me crave ice cream and barbecues! The exercise has been a pain once I get in from work past 830pm and am starving for my dinner.

However I find if I push myself I feel better for it after.

I've also decided to try blog about it on here to try and share my thoughts, progress and hopefully results. 

Here's to getting shredded! 

As Jillian says Don't Give Up Unless You're Puking Fainting or Dying.

Here's goes...

My Space

Personal space – it’s something that varies for everyone, just how much of it you need. However, as an only child I find I am very comfortable in my own company and am quite particular about just how near I want people to come to me.

I also find I vary person to person how I approach space. For instance an old manager of mine would on occasion attempt to give me a shoulder massage to help me relax. NO! Not in the pervy way you are all thinking, I think he was genuinely trying to be nice and knew I was a bit of a worrier. However, I really found it hard to handle – I appreciated him trying to be nice, but at the same time I felt at odds with him standing over me like that. On other occasions I’ve had colleagues who clearly don’t get the whole idea of personal space and would stand or sit so close to you, you could feel their breath on your skin. Yuck.

As I’m getting older I seem to need more space too I’ve noticed. On quite a few occasions over the last couple of years I have experienced odd spells where I’ve come over very hot and faint, symptoms tend to vary. Everyone has their own opinion on what causes it – overheating, panic attack, alcohol consumption etc, however, I am starting to think it’s just this increasing need I have for my own space. I’ve noticed over the last year or so I really can’t stand people being so close to me on the train, I even found myself constantly moving my legs the other day when whilst sitting down a passenger’s paper kept brushing my leggings.

Take for instance recently I went to write my blog and I wanted my own boyfriend to leave me alone to get on with it. Not that he won’t get to see what I’m going to read or that I didn’t want him to help me or look. I just felt like I needed to be on my own whilst typing it.

This week I am trying to have a bit more time to myself. I’m sure after a day or so I won’t like it and will soon want to have people around me, but I just feel lately I haven’t had any time to just be me and relax. I’m just hoping I don’t enjoy it too much as I don’t want to become some sort of hermit sat in my flat on my own content in my own company all the time.

I think it is important we all get time to ourselves however; you need to sometimes be you. Not somebody’s other half, or somebody’s child, somebody’s staff or somebody’s friend. Just you. Enjoy your own space – whether you use it to just sit and veg out in front of the TV, read a good book, listen to some music, go work out in the gym, or whatever suits you really.

Of course on the other hand the thought of getting old and being alone is not a thought that I enjoy, it scares me. I remember when young and being a checkout girl I used to see lonely, elderly men and women coming in every day buying minimal amount – just an excuse to get out the house and talk to people. They would make sure they had enough just for that day too so that they had reason to come back out the next day and buy some more. I just find that so sad. Particularly at Christmas time, when people would come in and buy a meal for one, roast turkey meal.

I guess like most things in life, it’s about achieving a balance and making sure you surround yourself with loved ones and close friends, but at the same time leave enough time to just give yourself a bit of space.

I’ll keep you posted on how this space thing goes, let’s hope I don’t get too content on being on my own, else I might stop writing this blog altogether! Hm...or perhaps for some people that may well be a good thing...