I can't feel or move my right arm, I feel utterly exhausted and I'm freezing cold. All around me are piles upon piles of boxes and bags, increasingly encroaching on my personal space. I can just make out my boyfriend's head if I contort my body in a strange angled way.
I just want to be home. Nearly thirteen hours and I am slowly losing the will to live.
Outside it is pitch black, the wind is lashing against the windows and I keep falling asleep.
Am I kidnapped? Am I being tortured?
Hell no. I've been on a daytrip to France. With my parents and boyfriend. On what feels like a one-day mission to buy as much alcohol and test exactly how many boxes and people you can cram into a VW Passat at any one time. Oh and how many times you can visit the same shop and walk around it in a back to front order.
After Sunday's Winter Wonderland shenanigans in London, we headed off again on one of our annual jaunts. This time the Channel Tunnel trip from Folkestone to Calais involving shopping for French treats, wine, beers and spirits and gorging on a sumptuous five course+ meal.
Picked up at 730 for our 1020am crossing (well, where did you THINK I got my anal levels of organisation from??) we braved the dark skies, heavy showers and gale-like winds in my parents car.
We have enjoyed a gorgeous meal in the village of Coquelles - Kir Royale aperitif, mise en bouche, trio of salmon (smoked, marinated and tartare), fillet steak with a mushroom sauce, cheese selection with fresh French bread and mousse au chocolat, washed down with red wine. Lovely.
We have also visited around half a dozen shops/supermarkets in order to buy cheese, wine, pastries, chocolate and nibbles. Sounds pleasant enough but not when you're with Mr and Mrs List, the wine guzzlers that are my parents (aw Mum n Dad you know I love you! Please don't take my Christmas presents back lol)
So now I find myself wedged into the back of their car in between copious boxes of wine, full up and absolutely drained of all energy.
But you know what as much as we've all bickered about the space, what to get and how much time we're wasting, we've had a great day. Granted most of it has been giggling at random things that have happened today, but we still laughed!
So I'm going to go as I'm yet again typing on my phone - excuse the typos! I also have a stiff neck and my arm has gone dead. If you don't hear from me for a while please send out the search party, I'll be the armless, legless, drunk and overweight one underneath all those boxes in the back of the blue VW...