Life begins at 40?

I always remember when young the many cards and items stating how Life Begins at 40.

However, since reaching 40 in recent years I feel it’s actually life’s aches and pains that start at this age! 

Previously I’d heard others say jokingly to wait until you hit 40 and you’ll start feeling old. 

I turned 40 three years back now and it was very odd, but literally within the month of my birthday I suddenly experienced random health problems!

Since then I’ve really felt my age with various health items.

The only way I can describe it is just being more aware of ageing. I feel I need to do more to take care of myself and to feel ‘normal’ even.

In addition, body shape and fitness have really changed. Previous ways to get back in shape no longer seem to work and I’ve had to adjust what I do.

Talking with other women in the gym and on the school run I know I’m not alone. 

It’s funny where people live longer nowadays I think I expected ageing symptoms to happen later on too. 

When you’re young, getting older seems such a long way away and your perspective is so different. 

I can remember seeing 30 year olds and thinking how grown up and old they were and how they had everything all sorted.

 

People tell you how they still feel in their 20s and now I get it, you’re still the same person inside but outside you change. It’s not until I look in the mirror and see my face I realise how different I look and that I am getting older. 

So what should you do? In the past people spoke about growing old gracefully or looked down on those who were seen to do the opposite of that.

Now? I think it’s more about having a balance and doing what’s right for you. 

Yes, I’m getting older and things are changing. Yes I’m getting all new aches and pains and some days I feel a lot older than I am. 

However, I also know from reading, instructors at the gym, various social media accounts and the like what I can do to help.

For example, certain exercises to do or avoid, such as doing more weight lifting to help build the muscle you lose as you get over 40.

So yes I definitely feel like aches and pains begin at 40, but it’s simply a case of learning to adapt and do what’s right for you!

Why I don’t want my daughter to be a people pleaser

The fact I’ve even written this title in itself is already an example of me wanting to make sure everything is right for everyone else and that it might all somehow be under my control.

I’ll admit it - I didn’t always realise this fact - but I’m a total people pleaser and have been for years, probably most of my life.

One thing that is different however, is that each year I’m increasingly aware of it and I’m forcing myself to stop or at least ease off. 

I find myself in awe of friends who just say it how it is and seemingly don’t think twice about the impact of their words and actions. They keep focussed on how it’s making them feel and what’s best for them and their wellbeing. 

I aspire to be this way and am moving closer in that direction, but I’ll admit I’m far from it.

And now where I’ve been a set way so long I find if I do stand my ground and put me first it comes at a price. Fall outs, dramas or me living with a horrible uneasy feeling and deep ache in my stomach feeling I’ve done wrong.

In my early 40s doesn’t exactly feel the best time to have realised this personality trait. Going through peri menopause and the hormonal rollercoaster that comes with it I find it hard to judge if I’m being unreasonable, sensitive or in actual fact correct, when I try to decide the best course of action.

As a Mum I’ve gotten far too comfortable at putting me at the bottom of the pile too, well because that’s what Mums do. Oh, or do they not?

In addition, like all parents I want to do some things differently for my children and try to help them develop traits I think will aid them throughout life. 

My eldest I can already see is super conscious of other’s feelings and wellbeing. This is a lovely trait and I’m so proud how kind and caring she is. However, I’m also wary that often she maybe cares too much and in turn she can care for others who don’t necessarily return the favour. 

At the same time, I don’t think it’s a good feature to not give any thought to others at all. 

So where’s the balance? How do we learn these traits? Can parenting impact our approach or are we either one way or another?

Can you change your ways if you’re a people pleaser? And even should you? 

You’re always out with your kids!

You’re always out with your kids! 

I hear this sentence I think near enough every day. 

And it’s true, we are out with our children A LOT.

1 we want to make sure we make the most of the time with them whilst they’re young and they still like being out and about doing things.

2 it’s often a lot easier to be out than in with three little ones! 

We like to do a mix of stuff, but most of the time if weather allows we like to be outside! 

And the kids loving visiting places and exploring.

Often people will say oh don’t you think you should have a day in? Or that children need to learn to be bored.

Well, we do have days in at times and lockdown certainly helped the children and myself learn to be more comfortable just being home. 

However, I say, you do what suits you and your little ones best at the end of the day. As they say you do you! 

I mean I’m not naive I’m aware there’ll be days ahead when they likely won’t want to be out and would rather be on a computer game, or as they get older out with their friends and away from us! 

Whilst they’re happy to be with us and get outdoors I’m going to encourage and embrace it though - they’ll not be little for long and it’s so good for them to be out in the fresh air and experiencing new things. 

I’m always on the lookout for new places to try out and I noticed lately that often people will ask me for ideas of where to go. 

So I thought it might be useful to share some of the places we like or have tried and give our thoughts on here. 

Obviously our children are aged 5-7 now so anything I mention will be for that age or below. 

I should add like everyone nowadays we’re not made of money and have lots of money to waste so I don’t think we do things too extravagant really. In addition, because lots of things are more costly now we do like to get our money’s worth (well we always have) so if we go somewhere we’re there for the long haul and make the day last! 

If you’ve got any requests in particular give me a shout and I’ll try cover it for you. 

And I’ll also try share some tips along the way where I can (and if I can remember some of them from the earlier days with ours!) 

So drop me a comment and let me know… 

 

Time to get back to it!

I posted a while back about how I felt I might have finally found a good mix of classes at the gym.

In addition I’ve also been working on what I eat and drink and I’ve felt so much better for it - in mind as well as body.

However, we’ve just come to the end of a two week long school holiday. 

Have I been sticking rigidly to my healthy eating and my exercise regime? Have I still done gym classes or online workouts?

I’ve done what I do every school holiday it seems, vow to try and still visit the gym or try a class at home via YouTube or similar, and actually do none of it!

A big change this holiday though? I’ve given myself permission to do it, not beat myself up and feel bad, but enjoy myself and do what I’ve got to do to keep my energy and happiness up whilst running round after 3 super energetic and active kids! 

It’s been a lovely two weeks, but we’re all at the point now where they need to go back to school! A break from each other and routine for us all.

Tomorrow not only marks their return to school, it means for me time to go back to the gym - all my classes for the week are booked in and what’s more I’m about to start a health plan to try give myself a little boost back into being healthier. 

I don’t want to feel bloated, sluggish and unhealthy. Therefore tomorrow I’m starting a detox and getting back to exercise.

I’ve done a few squats challenges recently and so I’m also on the search for a new one to undertake. I’m tempted to stick with squats, but have also spotted a couple of other options I may try…

Here’s hoping school and after-school clubs work their magic on my little gremlins this week and that the gym, my detox and some time to reset my body and mind help shine a bit of sparkle back into me! 

Let’s go!! 

End of term burnout

As you drop your little darlings off to school this week for their final days of term, do you kiss them fondly and wave goodbye or rather you sprint away from the gate?!

Now I’m not a cold hearted person who can’t stand spending time with my children, or who uses school as some form of babysitter. 

However, as a Mum of three young children the pressure is on and life can be chaotic and stressful - scrap that life IS chaotic and stressful! 

The majority of the time, when we’re together, me and my little munchkins we have fun, we get along, they’re good children overall.

Now, unless you’re raising the non-existent perfect person, everyone will experience bad behaviour at times and find themselves at a loss as to why it’s so hard to follow basic instructions.

I myself often wonder if I’ve developed a new language to speak in or if the kids have suddenly lost the use of their ears, so regular the occasions when nobody seems to have heard anything I’ve said. Well that is unless I’m trying to talk to somebody else and they’re not involved or meant to be listening! Oh no then they’re like these little creatures whose super power hearing could make out a speck of dust falling to the floor. 

But something happens to our children at this time, as we approach yet another break from school. End of term looms and our offspring go loopy.

I’ve lost count the amount of times the last week or two I’ve spoken to fellow parents about numerous meltdowns or odd behaviour. Or have you noticed just how many bugs seem to be going round, how your child suddenly starts throwing up from nowhere?

End of term burnout. 

When I was working in London I used to push myself daily to reach targets/complete my to do list and I’d be tired but seem to function off the stress and adrenaline. Then the minute I’d book any form of longer annual leave and I’d end up in bed with a stinking cold or bug. 

For children it seems much the same. Where Mums, Dads and carers may be looking for a break from the school run routine and alarm clock setting, children too want some downtime.

This week for instance my three have seemed extra hyped up after school and are taking longer to settle at bedtime and their listening skills are even more atrocious than usual. 

Regardless of whatever after school activity they’ve been participating in they still come home shrieking and jumping like they’re on some sort of drug and as if they’ve had a Power Nap. 

Other people I know their children have been feeling really poorly.

I know others whose children every end of term seem to completely change personality and get naughty, misbehave and simply transform. 

So why are children getting this end of term burnout, much like the after school meltdowns you witness.

How comes these burnouts happen? Did we have them as children?

Is it just where all day every weekday they adhere to rules, sit still for long periods and have to follow lots of procedures? 

Do their little bodies simply say enough now we’re tired?

Or is this a sign children are being put under too much pressure nowadays? Are we all expecting too much so their personalities and bodies alike revolt? 

I know expectations and pressure have been a topic of conversation amongst our school Mums quite a bit. 

Are we putting too much on children too young. Or is this simply preparing them for real life? It’s not easy!

If you have any tips or discover any secrets to ease the burnout please do comment.

Until then I guess we’ll make it to the end of term, picking our children up Friday afternoon with a smile glued to our face. 

Relieved to not be setting that school run alarm. Happy to have no morning battles to get dressed and eat breakfast. No morning quizzing of what’s for school dinners or arguing over packed lunch box contents. 

But also gearing up to face two weeks of constant snacking, overhyped kids from way too much Easter chocolate, constant hoovering of crumbs or the glitter from yet another craft time, exhausted from countless days out at farms, softplays, parks, fairgrounds and more. 

Is that the problem nowadays too? We seem to pack so much into school holidays that children and parents/carers alike don’t actually have much of a ‘break’ when school is off. 

How do we find a balance to stop both the kids and us burning out? 

Any tips comment below! 

Menopause-ing your life?

Menopause seems to be everywhere at the moment, am I right? 

You can’t really move for people talking, books being released and programs on TV about it.

So why then, are we as women still finding it so hard to deal with?

As someone who is 99% sure to be going through peri menopause right now, this is a topic close to my heart.

I am surrounded by females either in peri- or full blown menopause and I myself have tried vitamins to help, got the well known Davina book and regularly view social media posts and articles about the topic.

The biggest question I have and what angers me the most?

Why on earth are we as women not taken seriously and why is our menopause care and journey dependent on our postcode? 

I’ve brought up the idea of peri menopause a few times now at my doctors surgery and I have had one blood test (which we know can’t necessarily show levels for peri menopause) and nothing more has come of it.

Despite explaining my Mum went through menopause early and being told it’s hereditary it’s still seemingly gone in one ear and out the other.

I’ve sat and spoke to so many friends who have felt lost, keep forgetting things, get such an awful rage, their periods are all over the place and have really bad anxiety to name but a few symptoms. And we’re all still just putting up with and getting by.

Or in some cases people are resorting to going private and paying themselves to see specialists to finally get heard.

Yet others you read about who live elsewhere have specialist menopause doctors/surgeries who listen to them, guide them and provide what they need. Or they test out various routes so that said female can find what she needs.

How come when the topic is now so prevalent the care is still not there?

Does it cost too much?

Is it because this impacts women not men? 

What do we need to do to be heard and taken seriously?

Please let me know your experiences and if anyone has any tips or positive stories of how they got the attention needed please do share! 

Self(ish) Care?

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For years after becoming a Mum and a stay at home one at that, I convinced myself I shouldn’t need or didn’t deserve time for myself. 

I wasn’t ‘working’ so why did I need time to rest and relax? 

The problem with that? 3 very young children, very close in age and a pandemic hitting resulting in a lockdown meant I had quite a bit of stress. 

I also just became ‘Mummy’. 

What else? I had a lot less patience and even the small things seemed big and harder to deal with.

I in fact over time also developed Anxiety. 

To this day I still remember a friend - hope she knows who she is - who said to me (and reiterated every chance she got) to make time for me. It was not a ‘treat’ or indulgence, it was a necessity and in fact would make me a better Mum, not a selfish one. 

I often mention her words to others actually when I hear them going down the same path of guilt and depriving themselves because they ‘don’t deserve it’.

All of a sudden one day I realised enough was enough and I had to start to do some things for me and make some time to allow myself to switch off.

I always think of it like a reset button - I need a chance to step away from Mum life and see myself as somebody other than a mother.

In addition, I need to recognise and value all the things I do for my children and family unit overall. You know, not just the daily organisation, chores, household tasks, but the unspoken big one - the mental load. 

Until you grow older, have kids and similar you’re pretty dubious of this I remember. However, wow when you’re in it and it hits you, you totally get it! 

So that’s why we all need to remember Self Care. And before I’m labelled as sexist or that I’m generalising, everybody needs to do it. 

Life is so busy nowadays and days, weeks and months can fly by. Everybody needs a chance to jump off the journey and switch off - in whatever way works best for them.

When I was pregnant I remember following hypnobirthing and I loved it! During one of my jobs in corporate comms in the city we sometimes had in house counselling for management, again I was a big fan.

However, when I stepped away from work I totally forgot about these sorts of options and hearing about topics like mindfulness I just didn’t get it.

There’s a whole host of things I try now to help me try to remember who I am outside of motherhood and to give me a chance to relax from life’s pressures.

I love going to the gym now and go to a class everyday (sometimes more than 1).

A habit from the Covid period, I find going for walks and listening to a podcast (Parenting Hell is without a doubt my fave!) is really great at clearing my head. 

Recommended by my supple strength teacher, I sometimes do a quick 5 or 10 minute online relaxation session to help me switch off.

I write this blog.

Often of an evening I’ll sit and watch what I call ‘trashy TV’, just really easy viewing that doesn’t require too much brainwork.

I spend my money on things like having my nails done or going to the hairdressers.

A big thing that really benefits me is a network of a variety of different friends - mostly women - who I either message via WhatsApp or some I meet in person for coffee or lunch catch ups to let off steam, rant, discuss and support one another and be honest. 

And of course I try to make time to have social nights out (or afternoons if it’s a boozy brunch or similar!) 

There’s a whole variety there and I’m sure  some people do much more artistic and cultured things to help with their Self Care, but the point is to do it. 

No matter what your home setup or mental state, make time for you. 

Everybody needs to make time for self care. There’s no right or wrong, whatever works for you.

And as soon as you do, you’ll never look back!