Self(ish) Care?

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For years after becoming a Mum and a stay at home one at that, I convinced myself I shouldn’t need or didn’t deserve time for myself. 

I wasn’t ‘working’ so why did I need time to rest and relax? 

The problem with that? 3 very young children, very close in age and a pandemic hitting resulting in a lockdown meant I had quite a bit of stress. 

I also just became ‘Mummy’. 

What else? I had a lot less patience and even the small things seemed big and harder to deal with.

I in fact over time also developed Anxiety. 

To this day I still remember a friend - hope she knows who she is - who said to me (and reiterated every chance she got) to make time for me. It was not a ‘treat’ or indulgence, it was a necessity and in fact would make me a better Mum, not a selfish one. 

I often mention her words to others actually when I hear them going down the same path of guilt and depriving themselves because they ‘don’t deserve it’.

All of a sudden one day I realised enough was enough and I had to start to do some things for me and make some time to allow myself to switch off.

I always think of it like a reset button - I need a chance to step away from Mum life and see myself as somebody other than a mother.

In addition, I need to recognise and value all the things I do for my children and family unit overall. You know, not just the daily organisation, chores, household tasks, but the unspoken big one - the mental load. 

Until you grow older, have kids and similar you’re pretty dubious of this I remember. However, wow when you’re in it and it hits you, you totally get it! 

So that’s why we all need to remember Self Care. And before I’m labelled as sexist or that I’m generalising, everybody needs to do it. 

Life is so busy nowadays and days, weeks and months can fly by. Everybody needs a chance to jump off the journey and switch off - in whatever way works best for them.

When I was pregnant I remember following hypnobirthing and I loved it! During one of my jobs in corporate comms in the city we sometimes had in house counselling for management, again I was a big fan.

However, when I stepped away from work I totally forgot about these sorts of options and hearing about topics like mindfulness I just didn’t get it.

There’s a whole host of things I try now to help me try to remember who I am outside of motherhood and to give me a chance to relax from life’s pressures.

I love going to the gym now and go to a class everyday (sometimes more than 1).

A habit from the Covid period, I find going for walks and listening to a podcast (Parenting Hell is without a doubt my fave!) is really great at clearing my head. 

Recommended by my supple strength teacher, I sometimes do a quick 5 or 10 minute online relaxation session to help me switch off.

I write this blog.

Often of an evening I’ll sit and watch what I call ‘trashy TV’, just really easy viewing that doesn’t require too much brainwork.

I spend my money on things like having my nails done or going to the hairdressers.

A big thing that really benefits me is a network of a variety of different friends - mostly women - who I either message via WhatsApp or some I meet in person for coffee or lunch catch ups to let off steam, rant, discuss and support one another and be honest. 

And of course I try to make time to have social nights out (or afternoons if it’s a boozy brunch or similar!) 

There’s a whole variety there and I’m sure  some people do much more artistic and cultured things to help with their Self Care, but the point is to do it. 

No matter what your home setup or mental state, make time for you. 

Everybody needs to make time for self care. There’s no right or wrong, whatever works for you.

And as soon as you do, you’ll never look back!