How long is enough?

 How long is enough?

Wow, so I’ve been religiously watching this Netflix series The Bold Type. Really enjoyed it and am a tad addicted I’ll admit.

It’s pretty easygoing watching and although mostly lighthearted, tackles a host of topics relating to gender, career, race, sexuality and more. Plus I’ve noticed it’s making me think back to my love of writing! 

What I wasn’t expecting however, was the sudden punch to my stomach I’ve just had. 

Somebody has just experienced a missed miscarriage. 

I’m shocked. 

I suffered a missed miscarriage back in 2015. 1st May to be exact I think it was.

I’ve detailed in previous posts my experience and my situation now, I have three children - a six (soon to be 7) year old and just turned 5 year old twins. 

We’re talking about an event that happened 8 years ago nearly now.

One, although I’ll never forget, I thought I’d made peace with.

That’s why I’m truly sitting here shocked at how I feel. It may only have been a short scene and I could tell what was coming. But the no heartbeat comment, no symptoms or sign of any issues, the happy excited couple being hurtled into a mix of shock, disbelief and utter heartache. It all was way too close to home and honestly? It took me right back to that day. 

I don’t get it.

I’ve seen other things, sadly heard lots of other people’s experiences of similar over the years since and I’ve handled it.

Today just a simple binge watch boxset program episode and it’s floored me. 

Why?

How does it work? We know everyone always says there is no right or wrong way or amount of time for dealing with grief. 

However, when you feel you’ve processed something painful in your life and it’s been a considerable amount of time since doing so, how comes something can set you off track again? 

Who knows, as I’m wound up by my kids constant bickering, pushing of boundaries, post school madness and messing up the house after I’ve just cleaned, maybe it’s a reminder of how precious those little monkeys are. 

A small wake up call to how short life is, how fast things can change and that maybe things aren’t so bad after all?