You’ve got a friend in Mum

 I’ve just got home from a spin class at my local gym - first time in over a year! I’m buzzing and hooray it’s seemingly sparked something in my brain.

Sat down for a quick cuppa before another shower and going to pick up my twins from preschool, I’ve switched on the television to this...

Ta-dah my little brain has switched on and FINALLY I’ve found a topic I want to blog about! 

Let’s be honest this year has been pretty bleak and stressful and quite frankly I’ve found it hard to find time or even anything to inspire me to blog...

Here it is. So can Mums be friends with daughters? This is a question the Jeremy Vine Show has posed today - I should just add it also was great to see an all female panel/hosts today too on a topical program which debates current affairs.

I guess the way I’ll be answering this is two fold - one as my role as a daughter myself and secondly as my position now as a mother to my own daughters (and a son). 

When I was younger I loved my parents dearly and had a good relationship with both of them and I remember getting comfort when young from my Mum but knowing she was in charge as the adult. I wouldn’t say at that point it was necessarily as a friend it was a family love and relationship. 

However once I got older at secondary school, becoming a teen and starting to get good old hormones things changed. You don’t want to be seen with your parents it’s embarrassing and not cool. I wouldn’t want my Mum to come in dressing rooms with me and we’d bicker over clothes and our opinions. I look back now and I totally get why this made my Mum so sad.

Having a precious innocent four year and two year old twins I can’t even imagine them not needing or wanting me. They’re constantly telling me I’m their best friend and showering me with kisses and cuddles. The thought they’d not want me around and be embarrassed or similar feels like it would kill me! 

On starting college and trying to ‘rebel’ a bit I used to constantly argue with both my Mum and Dad. 

But then I moved out, got my own place after University and something switched...me and my Mum’s  relationship changed - we genuinely became friends! We enjoyed each other’s company, we talked and shared experiences. It was really nice.

Following that when I became a Mum myself - wow that’s the biggest game changer. Suddenly you understand her ways, her behaviour, her rules when you were young. The love she has for you. It all suddenly makes sense! 

I’m going by my experiences of course. I mean we’ve all seen the different types of Mum and daughter relationships - there are those who used to dress young and act young and almost be like a sister to their daughter.

The idea when I was a teenager of going on a night out with my Mum was just totally unfathomable. However I’ve heard of Mums clubbing with their daughter in tow.

For me? No thanks I don’t think that’d work.

When younger you need to set boundaries and make sure you’ve got the respect level with your children so they know you’re the adult and in charge. In that sense I guess you’re not their friend, but I think it’s equally as important for them to trust in you like a friend and feel they can come to you and talk to you about anything. Especially in these days and times with new pressures, cyber bullying and child mental health issues. 

My own daughters? Right now we’re still at the I’m in charge stage but for me with a mix of being their best friend (when it suits then) in their eyes and knowing I’m their go to person and place if they need help or are scared at all. I’d certainly like to think though as they get older they can count me as a friend. 

So can Mums and daughters be friends? Yes I think so - maybe not in the general more typical sense of the word, and with authority added on the side - but in a world so full of pressures and right now uncertainties everyone needs a friend and who better than the person who brought you into the world in the first place? 

Kind and proud

In this current world where there is so much hate and anger and nastiness, it feels like we’re very much in need of the reminder on today’s World Kindness Day.

Be kind.

It’s so tempting at times when most people you encounter seem selfish, rude or impolite. Why should you be the one to make the effort and be pleasant?

Bringing children up in the world right now at times makes me feel sad and guilty. They’re growing up in what seems like pretty negative times and it doesn’t feel you experience kindness all that often! 

Like most parents I often experience parenting guilt, am I bringing the children up right? Are we teaching them how to be decent people? What are the traits we want and need them to have?

At present we’re also in the middle of viewing primary schools in order to decide on our ideal choice for our eldest. 

I won’t lie it’s so far been a lot tougher than I imagined it would be. First off, what should you be looking for? What’s important? 

The chances of even getting your first choice where we live are pretty slim as it is.

Plus things have changed a lot since me and her Dad went to school, we’ve learnt that for sure when doing these visits! 

One point I think we’ve always agreed on is a huge thing we do want to make sure of is our children are kind. 

And today we had our preschooler’s 2nd ‘parent-keyworker’ meeting and learnt just that. 

As I sat with tears welling in my eyes I felt myself burst with pride and my heart swell to hear how our firstborn is kind and caring, what a sensitive soul she is, how she helps comfort the new and younger children coming to the preschool and more. 

Yes I asked and heard about more academic areas which are super important to me. However, it made me so happy to hear our little girl was so sweet and thoughtful. 

In a way hearing more how she behaves when she’s away from me and her Dad and siblings has also helped shed some light for me on what sort of school might suit her too. 

So thank you to my darling daughter on this World Kindness Day for making me so proud of how kind you are turning out to be. 

(And as an added bonus our twin boy has now learnt and likes to say I Love You!) 

So why should you be kind to others? Why make the effort when people seem so selfish nowadays? Think how it makes you feel when someone is kind to you and there you’ll find your answer 

All I ever wanted

All I ever wanted

All I ever wanted was to make my parents proud and do well

All I ever wanted was to be a Mum, a child to call my own 

All I ever wanted was to have a home - nothing fancy, but somewhere to be proud

All I ever wanted was to have someone to love, to love me

All I ever wanted was a happy life, nothing fancy, but to enjoy it 

All I ever wanted was the basics 

All I ever wanted was fairness

All I ever wanted was truth, trust

All I ever wanted was a true partner, to support each other and be a team

All I ever wanted was a little family to look out for one another 

I never wanted lies

I never wanted arguing

I never wanted the fancy things in life

I never wanted heartache and hurt

I never wanted to live a lie

I never wanted to struggle 

All I ever wanted was us

What I thought was us

What I thought we had

What I thought we would be

Now it’s just hurt anger lies and letdowns

It’s not all I ever wanted at all

Somewhere in between

Anyone who’s joined NCT or similar as an expectant Mum or Dad and made friends with a group of previously complete strangers will understand parenting cliques, groups, ‘Mumfriends’, whatever you want to label them.  

The whole appeal and why it works (provided you get a good group) is because you’re all on the same journey. You’re going through the pregnancy at the same time, from similar areas, you share birth stories and are all awake at the same times so can provide support when otherwise you may feel quite alone.

People talk about how important it is to get out and about when you become a parent and I totally support this. When I had my first I was always out and thrived on fresh air, exercise from walking about with my pram or making friends for my baby and me at multiple groups I’d attend. 

You are on maternity/paternity leave and become an all singing and dancing member of the ‘First time parent’ group.

Some people don’t feel comfortable going to some of these ‘Mum & Baby’ groups or themed sessions based around music, play, storytelling or similar. I though for one would’ve been totally lost without mine. 

Then, if and when you go on to have that next pregnancy and baby you become part of another group - ‘parents with more than one’.

If you decide to not return to work you belong to the ‘stay at home parent’ group, go back and you’re a ‘working parent’ group member. 

Those people who become pregnant and go on and to have multiples - twins, triplets (or more!!!) gain their badge for the ‘multiples parents’ group.

Whatever group you’re in you make strong bonds based on your common ground. 

Your baby is doing yellow poos like someone else’s 

You’re both struggling to get out on time with your newborn and firstborn 

You’re both feeling guilty for not working/going to work 

And so on and so forth..

What though if you have a baby and then fall pregnant again with more than one?

You know what happens? You kind of don’t quite belong in any particular group anymore. 

You were with your first time Mum group and you were all sharing tales of how cheeky and naughty your kids are becoming. Then you got pregnant and so do others and you start to share how tough it is carrying a toddler whilst waddling with a bump. Then you find out there’s more than one baby, oh that’s a bit different. So you move into a multiples group, but then they mostly experience multiples, not really multiples and a toddler! 

It gets harder to find common ground, it gets harder to get out and about. You have to start to ask for help more. Things are just not so easy to arrange or get done anymore. And who totally and utterly gets what you’re situation is like? 

Not many people really. 

I saw an article a few months back that really struck a chord from somebody talking about having twins and another child. This isn’t a pity post or cry for help, I just felt like being totally honest and just putting it out there for once what it can be like. 

It can be hard. But you don’t want to bore on about how hard it is because you don’t want others to tire of you and 
your whining. You don’t want to look ungrateful for the blessings you’ve been given. 

You end up not seeing people as much, not being able to keep in contact so much, not doing as much, maybe coming across as a bad friend or like you don’t care/can’t be bothered anymore. Please hear me when I stress this so isn’t the case, when you become a Mum to 3 all so young and close in age life just becomes mental! Serious chaos. You never know who or what to sort next! 

You constantly juggle having so many to look after, asking for help without wanting to put on people, having to admit just how much help you might truly need, and then of course Mum guilt - which all Mums get regardless of how many/how old/their situation! 

So yeah, thank you to everyone who always tells me what a great job I’m doing. I’m not, I’m just being a Mum like any Mum does, putting my kids first and doing what needs to be done. 

Like any Mum, I love my children with all my heart and soul and would do anything for them. Like any Mum at times they drive me round the twist and I shout, I scream, I cry, I question my situation, my decisions, my capabilities. 

I guess reading that I am really just that ‘any Mum’, no set group to belong to, but then aren’t we all just the same deep down anyway?

Social media memes - meaningful messaging or modern day stirring spoon?

I recently saw a meme on social media to focus on your family and home life and enjoy them and stop worrying so much about keeping the house so clean and tidy. This really struck a chord with me as it’s something I’m always battling with.

Being a Mum to three children aged 3 years and under I’m often distracted from my never ending To Do list or constant attempts to have a conversation. 

I often see these posts and find them a useful tool to help me refocus. 

Funnily enough I was recently angrily buffing away smears and marks from our TV screen and unit for the 6th time since I’d cleaned the day before and I stopped. Imagine if my children were no longer here - whether something happened to them or simply they’d grown up - how would I feel then? I’d give anything to see those sticky little handprints wouldn’t I? 

Are these posts always truly helpful though? 

To some seeing these types of memes shared can cause issues. Sometimes people can see the posts as a ‘dig’ at them or a cryptic way to ruffle their feathers. 

Often the people sharing these types of memes about ‘life’s too short’, ‘put family first’ and the like are actually the ones who perhaps need a reminder how to treat others themselves. This can really grate.

Like other aspects of these various platforms I suppose it all depends on how it’s carried out. It’s another example of 
how social media can be misused and people can place too much of an importance on their worth.  

To me I mostly find them a positive tool. I’m always caught up in the chaos that is our household and I tend to see these posts when the children aren’t about - typically when they’re asleep - and it gives me a chance to stop for a minute and think. 

I’ve actually taken note of another post I saw recently about refuelling cars/charging batteries and how you need to do the same yourself. So I’ve set aside the cleaning and chores whilst my eldest is at preschool and I’m doing things for me - having a cup of tea on the sofa and writing my blog which I’ve not had time for. 

So what’s my message? Just stop. Every so often remember to press that reset button. Clear your head. Untangle yourself from being caught up in that To Do list. 

Whether that’s via a post it note, a phone app reminder or seeing a shared meme on social media so be it. 

Remind yourself what’s really important. 

MOTHERS DAY

Making sure everyone else is happy first

Often in old clothes despite the kids regular wardrobe updates 

Trying her best every day but always judging herself

Here for her family no matter what

Early mornings and busy days everyday for her

Ready to paint, sing, run round softplay, cuddle or change nappies always 

Softest touch and kindest smile 

Don’t ever judge each other, stick together, Mum life is hard

Also a blessing, those big eyes looking at you, those arms around you, the tiny hands in yours

Your turn to get spoilt today, you’re their world 

A year of my gorgeous twins

As those words flickered up on the little blue test 

We didn’t realise then you were going to be different from the rest 

Feeling overwhelmed at another pregnancy 

Then the scan telling us there wasn’t just one baby 

Two babies, twins, two tiny foetuses inside

Very quickly forming a big bump, too big to hide

Your big sister then still a baby herself 

She used to kiss my tummy and check on your health 

Lots of scans and discussions and plans 

Wanting to force you into the world early, I wasn’t a fan

Worried about any risk to you

I agreed, I compromised, wanting the safest arrival for you two

My bump got so very big round and heavy 

Moving, even getting out of bed was very hard for me 

Waiting for you to arrive in hospital 

So much monitoring and kerfuffle

One of you already so cheeky, not wanting to be traced

People laughing at your tongue poking out as the scan showed a little face 

The moment you arrived seemed so quick and you were in a sudden hurry to be here 

On handing each of you to me holding you so near

So tiny and fragile, that perfect moment with you 

Experienced twice because there were two

You both fed together, cried and snuggled in

I’d been so nervous but your arrival felt like a lottery win

Learning to do everything twice 

Nappies, feeds, sleeping, double cuddles so nice
This year feels it’s flown by faster than the speed of light 

So minute and small, now already so strong and full of 
might 

Cute, tender touches, you’ve always got each other 

I’m so lucky I get to call myself your mother 

Double trouble, double the love and fun 

Double the cheekiness, double the mess, the laughs for everyone 

Individual characters that make up a perfect pair

Always a smile when you are there 

As you turn one know how much for you we care

One year of giggles, feeds, naps and more

You’ve completed our family, our twins we adore

Happy 1st Birthday Callum and Sophia

Each day our love for you just grows bigger and bigger 

Making time for Mum

Ha even the title of this post is proving the point of how things change when you have children.

Not making time for me/for Mel but for ‘Mum’. I’m sure I’m not the only one who wonders where they’ve gone since having kids - what happened to the person you were pre-children?

The gap since my last post should give some sort of indication of how time for myself is pretty much forgotten most the time these days - definitely bottom of the pile in life as I know it now, with it’s never ending and constantly growing to do list.

I dread to even think how this will even read - can I even write well anymore? Or has my Mum mode/baby brain/rhyme singing mind taken over?

Don’t get me wrong I adore my children and truly know how blessed I am to even have them. (There you go obligatory Mum guilt statement number 1!)

However, one of the key things that shocked me when having children is the discovery of how different it is to how I ever imagined and the sense of loss in your self that can be experienced at times.

I don’t really like to make new year resolutions, let’s face it most of them aren’t kept to and aren’t that sincere. Or we just ride along with the generic cliched standard list that get rolled out most years - be healthier, lose weight, be better with money, be more organised, blah blah blah.

I’m really hoping this year to try and make more time for me. I see it myself, after a little time on my own or getting to be ‘the old me’ as I often view it, it’s like hitting the reset button. I’m more chilled and I miss and value those little munchkins of mine even more. I appreciate my life a whole lot more and the resentment, anxiety, tiredness, impatience, short temper and stress is chipped away and seems not all that bad.

Yes it’s tough being a Mum and a stay at home Mum at that - pre child me is sitting there now rolling her eyes at that one (you ‘don’t work’, you’re at home, what’s so hard about that, how can you be stressed?) But if you can find some balance and have a few bits of ‘time off’ now and again it’s such a fulfilling and worthwhile life and a privilege to be able to experience.

So why is it every time I even start to consider looking into booking some time for me - shopping, a film, a spa day, just an hour or two to read a book, have a bath, listen to music, see friends - the guilt kicks in?

Why do we feel so bad at needing a break? Why do we feel it’s so wrong to want to be someone over than Mum?

Tell me, how do you balance it? What do you do? And what is this guilt? I’m sure I’m not the only one who gets it, right?

So yeah, 2019, I’d like a bit more time for me please and to also be a fiancée again and enjoy some time as a couple - the pair we used to be, not Mummy and Daddy for all the time.

Now if I can just get over this guilt first...and the care of 11month old twins and a 2 and a half year old...the washing...the nappies...the shopping...the cleaning...the diary planning..the budgeting...the cooking...

Oh, you know what, maybe tomorrow...

No time

No time

No time to keep the house clean and get done all the chores
But always time to make sure that I’m here and I’m always yours

No time to eat a meal slowly and in peace, without little hands wanting some or little mouths crying out
But always time to ensure you don’t go without

No time to keep on top of meeting up with friends
But always time to be careful you have someone on you can depend

No time to remember important to dos to keep adult life running fine
But always time to know all those characters, stories and rhymes line by line

No time to get back to all the messages needing replying to and dates to find seem to never end
But always time to have a caring shoulder, arms or ear to lend

No time to buy nice new clothes for me, sit and do hair, makeup, nails and other beauty
But always time to play, sing, read, draw and get messy

No time to read a really good book, watch a film or listen to music properly
But always time to hold you in my arms or sit with you on my knee

No time for me and daddy to just cuddle and talk for hours like we used to do
But always time to get bags, food and clothes ready for you

No time to plan holidays, dates and nights out
But always time to make sure you get out and about

No time to notice all the mess on my clothes and in my hair
But always time to smile and gaze into your adoring loving stare

No time to be referred to as or make quality time for ‘the old me’
But always time to make note you’re developing as you should be

No time to remember all I always need to do
But always time to show my never ending love for you

'Just' a Mum?

So I had a couple of conversations yesterday where my blog came up and it reminded me that actually I haven't really written on here in a while. Clicking on the link now I've seen just how long it's been. Wow.

It feels time to change that. How regularly I'll post, realistically, and what about, who knows. For now, this is a start!

Times have changed for me a lot since my last posts - the biggest change (as my hypnobirthing and breastfeeding posts show) is I'm now a Mummy.

And after today I'm officially a full time Mummy.

Yesterday I travelled into London and said goodbye to the digital corporate communications agency I've been employed by for the last nearly 6 years.

Typically, our daughter being looked after by grandparents and my other half already in work on an early shift (so bed and house to myself) I'm wide awake and have been since 6am! Of course I'm sure the alcohol in my bloodstream has nothing to do with this either...

At times when work is stressful and you imagine being a 'lady of leisure' (ha who am I kidding, Mum life is far from easy!) you can only picture smiles and feelings of happiness.

I genuinely feel so mixed and I felt it made sense to write about it.

It's quite common now for Mum's to return to work either because they genuinely have to for financial reasons or because they still want to 'be themselves' and have a career or another element to them and not 'just be mummy'. There are plenty of things shared how they feel so upset about leaving their child, yet also relieved to have 'me time'.

I realised I don't recall seeing or hearing from those who decide to stop working. It's just assumed of course it's easy - not having to work, getting all the quality time to see your child grow up.

However, I've realised you actually still are emotionally all over the place.

Thoughts I've experienced for instance:

Am I doing the right thing?
Am I losing part of myself?
Will I numb my mind or social skills by not being in a traditional career?
I miss my work friends
Will I still have an adult social life?
Will my partner still respect me/find me attractive if I'm 'just mum'
Will lifelong friends see or treat me differently now I've decided to 'just be a Mum'
Will my Mum friends see or treat me differently because I'm that 'lucky cow' who didn't have to go back to work, or that 'weird stay at home mum' who enjoys the baby classes, park trips etc?
Will friends see or treat me differently and that I'm taking an 'easy option' or 'lazy' or 'not as good a mum' because I can only manage being a Mum and not juggle career and motherhood?
Am I being lazy?
Am I depriving my child of things in life as we won't be so financially well off?
Am I being selfish expecting my fiancé to support us now?
Will former colleagues and friends lose respect for me taking this step?
Am I setting a bad example to my daughter to 'give up work'?
Am I holding my child back by being with her all the time? Should I have her in nursery or similar for her development/confidence?

When I list it all down it's shocking how much I could actually beat myself up about it.

Whether I've made the right choice only time will tell. Right now I'm extremely fortunate we'll be able to at least get by on one salary and I can't even contemplate leaving our child so it feels right in that sense. She is my life and that feels right.

It goes to show - whether you're a career Mum, a part time working Mum or your job is being a Mum - we're all still facing struggles and continue to guilt trip ourselves day in and day out!

Get your priorities right

Have you ever noticed how people’s ideas of priorities and what’s really important can differ so much?

For many the most important thing in life is family – they should always come first.

Then there are things such as health and making the most of life.

How do you decide what should take priority and is truly important?

Is there really a right or wrong?

I, for example, feel family always comes first and it should do. Life is too short and you should always be there for each other.

Others it seems do not feel the same way.

What do you do though in these situations and what should you do? Should we maintain a life of biting our tongue so as to keep the peace and harmony amongst family and friends.

Or should we be open and honest and say it as it is?

Are people often what we see as selfish as they don’t know any better or have just got their priorities muddled?

For example what would you do in the following scenarios:

Do everything for other people, but not be there to support your family members?
Enjoy an active social life as you’re on your own, but never make time to see family?
Spend money on material things, or think about others around you who you could help?
Check in with other people or just go to them when you need something?
Take the time to think about gifts/conversations or go for the quick and easy option?

Notice a pattern here? Hm, me too.

As we approach Christmas and are now in the festive season, this should be the time for giving. Sharing, caring and being kind to all, right?

So why do some people find this time of year it’s actually more appropriate to think of number one? But when it suits pull the sympathy card out?

Does this ring any bells for anyone? On talking to some people this seems more common than not.

The thing I get stuck on however is whether to pull people up on these lapses in judgement and behaviour, or to let them work their way through said weird spell and ignore it until they’re back to a more normal self?

Any advice would be much appreciated? That’s if you’ve got time to spare for me of course…

Birthday blogging

It's Wednesday 13th August. It's 2014.

This means it's my birthday!!! And it also means I am now 32.

I've now got two days off work to celebrate (doing whatever surprises my fiancé and parents have set up), but I've typically woken up really early and can't get back to sleep.

Lots of people have commented lately I've not been blogging, so here I am. Might as well do something whilst the other half snores next to me (bless him he came to bed super late last night). 

Birthdays are a big thing in my little family. There's only Mum, Dad and my Auntie. Oh and me of course. When it's somebody's birthday we tend to have more than one day of celebrating.

If it's a special birthday (18, 21, 30, 40, 50 etc etc) then it's ridiculous (well in some people's eyes, we love it!)

Two years ago I was spending this day on a beach on Koh Phangnan for my 30th. Yes I had a party/meal, a family thing, celebrations with my partner and a 2 week amazing holiday to Thailand. Well it was the big 3-0.

Everyone always comments how when we all turned 30 there was a big change in us and our outlook. We really studied our life so far and where it was going.

Strangely I feel that's been the case ever since.

I find birthdays, a little like Christmas, bittersweet. I love being the birthday girl and celebrating and spending the time doing something nice. However I do then start to judge things, "oh I thought by 32 I'd have this/be doing this/have been there/have tried that" etc etc. 

I also seem to get really focussed on friendships too. If someone I was close to forgot my birthday I know I'd really take it to heart. Silly I know as it's just one day and we all have lots going on in our lives. 

So why do we make such a fuss over birthdays in my family? I guess as there's so few of us and unlike others we don't put so much emphasis on Christmas presents etc. 

I guess it's because it's your day and all about you, you're not sharing with others.

Although technically of course you are - others born the same day. Like my late Granddad Jack, who too was a 13th August Leo. 

That's another thing on birthdays I tend to dwell on those no longer here. 

Still, I don't necessarily see that as a bad thing, all these points just tell me my emotions just crank up a notch at birthday time. 

So now I'm going to try laze in bed until my other half wakes up. And I'm going to blimming well enjoy today (and tomorrow...of course I'm celebrating twice). Let's see what surprises there are in store. 

It's been a stressy year so far, full of house buying sagas so my birthday is going to be fun! I'm excited to see what surprises lay in store.

Oh and of course when I go back to work Friday I've got girly drinks to look forward to too in the evening (alright alright, I know THREE days??!) 

Well here's to 32 and who's to say this can't be my year of having and achieving it all?? 

Fathers Day 2014

I decided to cook a meal at home for my Dad for Fathers Day

Seafood gnocchi 

Chicken with mozarella in arabiatta sauce with asparagus, carrots, baby corn, mange tout, pesto mash and green beans 

Toffee apple crumble pie with cream

Baileys chocolate shots

And a selection of presents based on things he likes

I hope you've all had a good day too, whatever you did

How many of our generation will celebrate a ruby wedding anniversary?

Today my parents celebrate their ruby wedding anniversary. That's forty years together. 40.

This makes me happy because it shows relationships can last and people can spend their whole lives together when they get married.

Now don't get me wrong I was bought up in a healthy happy family - my parents, grandparents and aunt and uncle all stayed together. I wasn't surrounded by divorce.

However it's as I've got older and I've felt like I'm surrounded by relationships not lasting and cheating a seemingly commonplace and acceptable behaviour.

So today I am happy for my parents and look forward to cooking them a nice meal and celebrating with them later today.

However, I also feel a touch sad at the fact something tells me they lasted this long since they are from an older generation and this isn't going to be something experienced much in my later years.

Since when did relationships seem to mean less, when was it decided it's easier to throw things away and start anew than work on things? How come so many people seem so laid back about cheating?

I used to be shocked when I heard about people I know splitting up because somebody cheated. Now? It still upsets me, but I almost expect it from some.

Yes if I'm honest it isn't what I'd planned - still being officially 'single' at the age of 30. I have a boyfriend of over seven years but we don't live together, we're not engaged or married. We don't have children together.

Don't worry I'm not about to freak my man out, he knows how I feel as I do him!!

One thing is though I trust him completely and we have a very trusting and healthy relationship I feel. It's all about give and take, we're realistic, we're best of friends. So no we've not had the big day or have a lovely house to show our friends round or have family over to, but together we're happy.

In this day and age if I'm honest I feel this is probably worth a whole lot more.

Is a woman's place still in the kitchen?

I'm no forceful feminist, I don't want to constantly argue women's case throughout life, nor try and 'get one up' on men. However, I'm also not a wannabe Desperate Housewife, wanting to stay at home all day and pander to a man's every whim.

For me, in any relationship, everything needs to be fair - whether it's sharing chores, managing money or sorting social plans.

We all know in the past men were traditionally seen as the hunter-gatherers and women were there to look after the children and keep everyone fed and happy in the home. Times have changed though since then. Or have they?

I often joke with friends that my relationship with my boyfriend is a case of role reversal - I'm the one who goes out drinking and acting the fool, the one who suffers all day with the hangover and needs looking after. It is my boyfriend who takes care of me and complains about my never learning to drink less.

Don't get me wrong, I think that whatever works best for the couple in question is the right way to be, who am I to say how others' relationships should work.

However, it's whether or not both sides are happy that bothers me and I find it shocking how 'traditional' roles for women are still expected and very apparent in relationships today and our modern world.

Women who don't go to a physical office or place of employment, are still labelled as 'just a housewife'.

I don't have kids and until I do I don't really know the full extent of what being a Mum involves, let alone one who stays at home. However from my own Mum and friends of mine who are mothers I certainly think that caring for a person's life, washing, cleaning, cooking, getting up for feeds and lots more surely constitutes a job in itself.

Why is it that we still feel like certain chores or roles in the home and in family life are gender specific? I admit I'm guilty myself of being far too comfortable with letting my boyfriend take the rubbish bags downstairs for me to the binstore. Although, this is more laziness on my part, rather than thinking 'it's a man's job!'

This topic has come more into the light for me lately, what with my Mum finding herself pretty helpless after breaking her leg. My Mum gave up employment once she had me and never returned to work, becoming a stay at home Mum and 'housewife'. My Dad took on the typical role of 'breadwinner' and they stuck to these roles ever since.

The result now of course is that my Dad is - in his early 60s - having to learn domestic life whilst my Mum recovers from her injury. Cooking, cleaning, shopping, washing and ironing.

However I also know more modern couples that act in this way, again not necessarily something the female in the relationship may have chosen.

Why is it in 2012 men still feel they earn the money, so the woman is indebted to them, to do everything within the home? This even seems to be the case when the girlfriend/wife works themselves. How is this fair?

I feel I'm a little unfair commenting on this at times, since I count myself lucky being in a relationship with someone that doesn't feel this way at all.

He doesn't think men and women have set roles to fill and although we don't live together he helps me keep my flat clean and shares chores with me without question. I also know without a doubt whenever we do one day have children he won't shy away from doing his share and would be happy to look after the child, help with feeds and change those dreaded nappies.

So when are people going to wake up to the fact men and women can take on any roles they want and works for them? And when are we going to stop judging those who do take on these 'traditional' roles if it's right for them?

An eggstraordinary Easter

So Easter's turned out not quite as planned, seeing as I've spent most of it in hospital.

No nothing is wrong with me, I've been regularly attending Queens Hospital as a visitor to my poor Mum.

You may remember I recently mentioned my parents were off on yet another holiday, well this one didn't turn out quite so well, despite staying in a 5* luxury resort in Mexico.

What happened is so random I admit I thought it was a joke. Give me a break for a second here - I'm not a bad daughter honest - I did receive news of said incident on April Fools Day!!

The parents had gone for a two week holiday and eight days in they decided to go for an early morning walk along the beach/water's edge. Once they were very far away from their hotel they saw some dogs on the beach, this was quite common and they always seemed quite harmless so no big issue.

Well there wasn't an issue, until that is one of the massive dogs decided to go for a run along the beach. My parents parted as he bounded down the beach to let the dog run through them. But, no, this canine chose a different path and ended up running straight at my Mum!

To cut a long story short the dog whacked into my Mum's right leg so hard it broke it and sent her flying over. Her left leg is nicely bruised and had some nice paw scratch marks on it too. Lovely.

How random is that? When we tell people she was on holiday they ask was she skiing or snowboarding. You then say it was in the sun, so they ask things like was she playing volleyball. What are the chances of a stray dog running up and breaking your leg??

After the beach paramedics' help and being quad biked across the sand to an ambulance, Mum's leg was put in plaster. My parents then had days of contacting their insurance company and sorting a flight home, Mum had to get around in a wheelchair and crutches and try and enjoy her time in the sun.

They arrived back in the UK on Wednesday and since then has been mostly spent visiting her in hospital, sitting with her for support and waiting for her to have an op to operate on her broken tibia.

She's now had the operation and the recovery begins, nobody has said how long this could take yet and the hospital won't let her out until she can walk unaided on her crutches, although she'll have to go in each week to have the leg brace they are going to fit loosened so gradually a bit at a time she can start to try and bend her knee.

Instead of family BBQs and spring days out planned, Mum is stuck in hospital, but she's done amazing so far. I'm so proud of her for staying strong and not moping about being there. Of course she's been getting a little fed up along the way, but overall she's being very strong.

Of course for my holiday-addict parents their main concern once Mum is better is will they be able to go on their citybreak booked for June. And for me? Well this has all turned into a good excuse to be lazy and not really go the gym and just tuck into some Easter treats, all this hospital visiting is very tiring you know...