Remembering me

Sometimes when you become a parent - and indeed when general adult life gets busy overall - you can lose track of what it is that makes you you. 

What have you been up to lately? So, what are your hobbies? Often when I get asked these questions nowadays I get a bit stuck - erm...not much, I can’t remember, I don’t really have time to have any...

But that’s sort of wrong. I know deep down I need to make time and not give in so easily to Mum guilt or give excuses not to do things for me.

This month I knew was going to involve a few well overdue days/evenings having fun. Fun for me that is - not laughing at my kids being crazy, smiling at something cute they’ve done, or enjoying watching them making me proud. 

The month’s not over yet and I have to admit so far it’s been great. My bank balance and figure won’t thank me, but it’s been so nice to indulge in a few things I enjoy. 

Eating out

Theatre

Film

Music 

Friends 

Dating

Reading 

I had a girl’s night out at the start of the month, it’s been a very long time since I’ve got together for a girly one and it was great. A perfect combination of drinks, chatting, nice food and a good dance/sing to some ‘classics’. I can’t sing or dance great let’s be honest, but nothing does me the world of good more than a drink or two and dancing like a loon and ‘singing’ along to some old garage songs I used to love when I went clubbing when younger! 

I’ve eaten a gorgeous afternoon tea in London at a swish hotel, gastropub family birthday lunch, tasty bistro birthday meal, a late night ‘fancy’ burger and a steak dinner. All bar one were child free too which make the world of difference as for a change I could take my time, enjoy the flavours and savour my food! 

I watched the Tina Turner musical in the West End which I’ve wanted to see for a while - again I really like a good musical or simply a play at the theatre. This tends to be an annual visit nowadays so I think I appreciate and enjoy it even moreso. The musical was amazing - so much energy and emotion in the performance, it certainly didn’t disappoint. 

My fiancé and I couldn’t properly remember the last film we saw at the cinema and thanks to my in-laws we ended up seeing two films when we went out. Again - as with good music, good books (I’ve been getting into my reading again finally of a night before going to sleep) and a good play/show - I find films great escapism, a fun way to switch off and forget real life for a bit. We had a good mix of a lighthearted kids story and then a more adult Tarantino film. 

And speaking of my fiancé, we’ve had some time just us for a change, which is very rare and makes the world of difference. It’s so hard to even get in a brief conversation most the time - hence why our to do lists and social planing are always so behind! 

Oh and a bit of a lay in and breakfast in bed weren’t all that bad either! Sleep is extremely underrated pre-parenthood! 

I’ve still got a couple more things ahead too - a night out with friends and my fiancé at a ‘silent disco’ and a girly night out with a difference with my Mum, and mother and sister-in-law! I can’t wait!

Before kids we used to go out lots more and my fiancé would find new places to visit (immersive Alice in Wonderland was one, themed afternoon teas, music gigs, stand up shows). I love music gigs, live comedy and things that are a bit different and so I’m going to see if we can both really try to make more of an effort to invest in planning more regular time for us to enjoy these things again. 

Even if it’s a once every few months event, and we have to wait until our budget allows, we need to make sure we’re not missing out. 

Just a few moments rediscovering things I enjoy has made me feel so much like me again and reminded me who I am. And let’s not forget I’ve got to get back on that spinning bike as it’s been a while again now - if only to work off the after effects of all this ‘rediscovery’! 

Time to stop worrying and get on with it

Sitting here watching Big Brother programmes, relaxing after a busy Diamond Jubilee bank holiday weekend, I've started to ponder what would I say when asked for interesting facts about me?

Erm...Um...Well...

To be honest I don't know. I blogged a long while back about all the hobbies you have when young, how they seem to drop as you age. This weekend I've really started to revisit these thoughts.

Let's be clear, I don't particularly want to be on Big Brother or compete with the sorts of people that tend to feature on the show.

I've had a lovely bank holiday Diamond Jubilee weekend, consisting of a Jubilee themed BBQ, cinema visit, shopping, lots of meals and catching up with friends and family. I've also been asked a few times about starting new hobbies or discussed abandoned plans to do more fitness and exercise.

When at work sometimes I feel other colleagues have more exciting plans than me in the evenings, they always seem to do more than me. I get teased a lot by friends and family for being out all the time and drinking too much. Now in my mind I don't think I do much.

This weekend I think I've realised the problem. I feel like I don't do much because I often do the same thing. Aside from writing this blog I don't have a hobby or interest as such that I have to enjoy in my own time. It's fine to go out drinking or enjoying new food, but that can't be all you're about.

I love to read and go on holiday, or see new films or go to music gigs. Again fine, but can they really be called real interests?

Some friends have invited me to attend Zumba classes or weekend body bootcamps. I've spoken about wanting to go out running more with my boyfriend. Then a friend mentioned horseriding and something seemed to click. I am finally actually seriously considering it. Whether it's because I've been reminded of previous interests or of being young who knows.

My boyfriend also teases me about worrying too much and being scared all the time. This weekend I've really been thinking about this too.

Are my fears stopping me from living life to the full? Is it time I man up and stop being a wuss? Is it time to stop being scared and embrace things a little more? Do I need to just get on with it? Should I take my own advice, when I used to say to my man stop talking about things and get on and do things? Forget if I'm going to be good or bad at something, am I going to look stupid, are people going to judge me. How about just trying things first?

Of late I've been a little accident prone and so now may not be the best of times to suddenly grasp this approach and change attitude! However I've already decided to get my fitness and healthy eating on track, whilst still trying to enjoy socialising and eating out. I've decided to follow my workout DVD challenge of the 30 Day Shred and do it everyday and try to stick to it. I'm on day two so far.

Who knows how I'll do and what I decide to start doing, but I'll keep you posted on here and who knows it could make for some interesting blog posts...

Happy being sad

After wiping the tear away from my cheek and turning the TV off, I’ve realised yet again that I’ve sat through another film that’s made me sad. Marley & Me – people have told me what a good film it is and how sad and I was actually relieved I got home in time today to be able to catch it on TV.

You find a film that looks like it will make you cry and I’ll be there, hear about a book that tugs at your heartstrings and I’ll have read it. A song about heartache which is perfect to sob your heart out to in a breakup, I’ve likely got it. I just love sad entertainment – particularly books and films.

What is it about said items that makes them appealing though? Why do we take pleasure in feeling upset? Does feeling down about something else make us feel better about ourselves and our own lives perhaps? Does it make us grateful for what we’ve got and those in the stories in front of us appear to be without?

Like anyone I obviously take pleasure in praise I get and all the positive feedback I’ve had on my blog is guaranteed to make me smile. However, yesterday when my Auntie shed a tear on reading my recently written short story it made me feel really proud. The fact I’d been able to produce something  that made someone feel so strongly and that it was sad too just made the praise all the more special.

Often people can’t understand this craze I’ve got for the depressingly low mood you can get in from reading people’s true stories. And my boyfriend has often commented I’m ‘sick’ for enjoying such literary pieces.

To give you an idea, a couple of my favourite reads and books I’ve read now on numerous occasions are Lucky by Alice Sebold and P.S. I Love You by Cecilia Ahern. The first is a true story about how the talented Sebold was raped at college, what ordeal she went through and the aftermath of this catastrophic and life changing event. The latter is fictional, but follows the life of Holly whose doting husband dies of cancer at a young age and who on his death leaves letters for her to receive each month in order to help her move on with her life and survive without him. Both as you can imagine are very moving and although each time I read them I get tears in my eyes I find I can’t put them down.

It’s become a bit of a joke amongst my family that if you go shopping for books it’s clear which ones I’ll pick. It’s got a depressing title, a sad image on the front, it’s based on a true story and someone’s awful struggle in life? Then that’s likely to be one for me.

Abused as a child, hit by a partner, involved in a major incident, scarred by an event – emotionally or physically, pulled in by some sort of sect, caring for people with learning difficulties, living with some sort of disorder. All these sorts of topics would appeal – whether in written or visual format.

I do like a happy ending though, you don’t want it all to be depressing, but it’s best if it is realistic – it can’t be too happy as that’s just for the movies and soaps, right?

It’s odd, I’m quite an emotional person on the one hand, but in other circumstances I can be very good at hiding my true feelings. I can remember at school I never cried about anything and then one day I broke up with this boy I was supposedly dating (I’d met him at work experience, he lived in East London, it was kind of a rebelling against my parents relationship) and I cried, I actually cried at school and everybody was so shocked. At work there was a bit of an incident which we won’t go into details about, but all my team praised me on what a positive and brave face I held throughout.

However, you get me reading an emotional book on my own or watching a film indoors without friends, family or boyfriend present and the tears will come rolling down my cheeks. I’ve seen Blood Brothers at the theatre at least three times now and every time I see it I get tears in my eyes, in fact at one viewing I had to bite my lip to stop me full on blubbering. I’ll admit it, the other night at a Take That concert I actually had proper tears when Robbie sang Angels. What on earth??

How can you appear so hard faced and in control on the one hand and then be so completely the opposite in the next instance? Are these sad books and films helping me get more in touch with my emotions perhaps? Is this my way of getting out all those pent up feelings?

I do find as well that as I’m getting older I’m crying a lot more too. I feel like I’m going backwards and becoming more child-like! I fell over at a festival recently and really hurt myself and I ended up getting back to the tent and crying (I was over tired at this point I will add) and I burst into tears when I managed to accidentally slip up in my flat last year. What is that all about?

Anyway, whether it’s good for me or not, for now I’m not giving up the sad stuff. I’m going to keep getting teary eyed at films where dogs die, long-term partners get torn apart and young children get kidnapped or murdered (I am referring to actual films here not sick ideas in my head I feel I should add!!) I shall pick up these books where life seems so hard and there seems to be no hope in sight and I’ll enjoy them all.

Hey, life is all about ups and downs, perhaps a few tears now and then are good for you? Even if it’s just to moisten your eyes, or help wipe off the makeup when you forget to do it! Crying is natural and in a way it’s good for you, it helps relieve all the pressure. Getting down, feeling sad and shedding a few tears are there to make the smiles even bigger and the good times seem that bit brighter.

Hobby horse

Think back to when you were younger, how many different clubs and groups did you belong to? I have memories of ballet, horseriding, brownies, girl guides, youth club, swimming, keyboard club, school choir, jazz dance, college magazine, creative writing group, the list is endless…

But then what happens when you grow older? When do hobbies become something that you get embarrassed about and you’d rather hang out with your friends, go to the cinema, go shopping and not have that big commitment in your life?

It’s weird, I can remember absolutely adoring horseriding for years, every Saturday morning me and my parents would get up early and drive to the local stables. I’d spend my Saturday morning on top of whatever horse was picked for me that week (often the biggest shire-horse-type animal available what with my height) and trot, canter and jump my way around the fields and arenas. But then I became a teenager and suddenly wearing jodphurs, carrying a crop and donning riding boots and hat were not cool. No, it was much more with it to be seen in new clothes hanging round the town centre and going to the cinema.

You spend your teenage years trying to fit in and do what’s cool, but then when you start work the tables are turned. Your CV. Interests, what do you like doing? Socialising and going out drinking is not a particularly positive activity to list…But what do you like doing you ask yourself, what hobbies do you have? Help! You realise you are actually struggling to figure out something you do enjoy. What do I do to fill all my spare time you wonder?

And now yet again in my life I am starting to ponder what activities can I take part in? Am I becoming an old bore because I don’t have enough ‘proper’ hobbies. It’s like we go full circle – from attending every club going, to being embarrassed by being too interested in something and then right back round again to feeling ashamed you don’t have enough of interest in your life.

So as I list things I am interested in do they sound good enough? Gym, swimming, reading, writing, travelling, eating out, the theatre, films, music gigs. But is there really anything different there – should I be training in martial arts, climbing mountains at weekends or learning to sing opera? Who decides what hobbies are good enough and are worthy to mention.

What new hobbies should I be looking into? And does the cycle continue again as we get older? When we have kids do we get ashamed at being too old to have the hobbies we hold? Do we have to cast aside our interests to make sure we’re always free to ferry the kids to their after school clubs and weekend games?

Do we get to a certain age when old hobbies aren’t allowed anymore and we’ll just make ourselves look a fool by trying to take them up again? I’ve recently started considering taking up horseriding again – not only did I enjoy it (well I did get a bit scared of the jumps), but I’ve realised as I’ve got older how good it is for your fitness levels and body shape! But at 28, nearly 29, are people going to laugh at me getting all dressed up in the full riding gear and trying to jump back on that horse?

What do other people do? Doing a quick search online reveals a lot of people are into gardening, yoga, family history, swimming, cycling and photography. There are even sites out there telling you the best hobbies to have to make people fancy you! On looking on other sites wine tasting can be a hobby out there to be enjoyed – sounds promising…Ooh or cake decorating (does that include eating them?...)

It seems the options really are endless, you just need to decide what interests you the most and I guess what you can do that’s within your budget. After all, this study from as far back as 2002 showed that some parents were spending nearly £1,000 a year for a son and daughter to enjoy their hobbies, and that was 9 years ago. Goodness knows what the costs would be now…

I’m going to go and ponder what new hobby I want to take up and in turn what one I think will be deemed acceptable. The only problem now is, when am I going to get time to do it??