Growing old dis-gracefully

As my amazing holiday to Thailand gets increasingly closer I am a mix of emotions. Super excited of course, but my focus has shifted somewhat from the trip itself to the reason for going – my birthday.

Moreover, the age I will reach on said birthday.

I’ve seen a lot of people get to 30 and get a bit panicky about life and their future in general, making life changing or often rash decisions about their current life. This often boils down to them not matching up with their ‘plan’ or what’s generally expected of you by this point in your life.

For women, of course, there are a number of pressures we particularly face – the rush to get married, have proved ourselves on the career path and overwhelmingly the whole baby debate. I myself have certainly battled with two of the three issues over the recent months.

In fact I almost felt a big neon sign flash up when I caught sight of the main feature in Stylist magazine this week http://www.stylist.co.uk/life/are-you-ready-for-this-the-right-time-to-have-a-baby It’s like they know what I’m thinking at times their articles are so relevant!

Before you gasp in shock, no I’m not pregnant or planning a baby at present, but the idea of children and age has most certainly crossed my mind of late. I’ve also become more conscious of my appearance.

I don’t have – well don’t think so – any wrinkles just yet which is a plus point. However, losing weight has become a lot harder and as we can all verify hangovers are a lot worse. I definitely have a few stray grey hairs, the first one annoyingly appeared when I was at University – I can still remember my scream…

I’m also reminded quite regularly of my impending age in day-to-day life. Last weekend I went for a ‘girl’s night’ with some friends, out of the group I was the second youngest. Two of the ladies will be 31 later this year and one, granted, is only young at 25/26. We finished our meal and went to a wine bar (which was full of middle aged people), then strolled across to the more trendy ‘younger’ bar where you have to be over 25 to get in. All three girls got IDed, all three. I even stood patiently waiting, waiting for the security guy to ask for proof of age from me. Oh no, not needed, we all got gestured into the bar (after all three of my friends showed their identification).

At work recently we produced a video pitch for a trendy fashion site shall we say, the video was modern, included fashion snippets and a host of people from our company. We all agreed it was clear that the people included were picked for their good looks, style and young age. Not that I would have got involved since I have enough of a client base and it probably wouldn’t sit with the types of sites I manage, but I couldn’t help thinking hm I wouldn’t have made the cut for that group. I’m definitely at the wrong end of the 20s scale!

They always say you are only as old as you feel and I’ve seen lots of examples of this – even in my own family. My Auntie is 67 and she definitely does not look or act her age. Out of my grandparents, when they were alive, one set were very active, the other more into relaxing and sitting at home. You could see a visible difference in their appearance and mental health as a result.

I think it’s great to act young for your age. However, there is also the danger of taking this too far. We’ve all been on a night out and seen ‘mutton dressed as lamb’ cases. How do you ensure you age well and keep young, but not make a fool of yourself by thinking you’re a lot younger than you are?
In your late twenties/early thirties, as a female, how do you know if you should be getting more settled and focussing on having a little one, rather than planning your next travelling adventure? Nowadays we’re told women are leaving it later and there is more choice, but the fact remains nature still exists and biological limitations still apply.

People say it’s down to you and your choice, which ultimately it is. However, do outside pressures have too big a sway on your decision? I for one, definitely think so. Just from the way I’ve started to feel about my looks, my behaviour, my future, at 29, I can only imagine what I’ll be like post 30.

It’s a fact of life – we all grow old, we change, our faces age, our bodies alter, our hair gets grey, our attitudes differ. However, it’s the dealing with this that I’m finding a tad hard right now – the thought of my parents getting older is not something I’m comfortable with. And as for starting to look older and clearly being seen as someone more mature when socialising I’m not keen at all.

I regularly feel torn between enjoying my young side with people I know who are still in their early to mid twenties, to then feeling a need to 'grow up' and calm down with those around me in their 30s and married and/or with kids.

I’m trying desperately to focus on the excitement and happiness I should be feeling about my holiday in such an exotic location so new and unknown to me – to experiencing new foods, people, customs and sights. When I start to think for a minute about this I get butterflies in my tummy and my age gradually starts to get pushed out the picture, but for how long?

Age they say is nothing but a number. But is that really true? Or something we say as we age to reassure ourselves and stop us from feeling the guilt of missed experiences or not quite making life turn out how we wanted?

I’m sure this is all what one of my friends has described as natural behaviour – women aged 29-33 stay away from – they’re all desperate to marry and make babies apparently. When we first met when I was just a wee 21 year old I used to scoff at his comments and accuse him of being an arrogant sexist pig. Funny now as I’m within that age band my thoughts have taken a different turn…

Acting your age?

As I sit here feeling sorry for myself - fed up already of daytime TV, reading my book, coughing, aching and napping, I can't help but think of two things - my heavy weekend last week and my upcoming 30th birthday.

Last weekend I went out drinking on Friday night with work colleagues (managing to get lost on a ten minute max journey to the station to get home), then on Saturday I awoke to a bad hangover, realising I was due out again that night. Saturday night then saw me out from 6pm-2am on a 'girls night' out where I consumed a stupid amount of alcohol - although it was great fun at the time!

I suffered a bad hangover as a result - I guess a double hangover combining Friday and Saturday. As people have said previously it does seem as you get older you suffer two day hangovers. This is now certainly the case for me. I in fact still felt a tad tender and very tired on the Monday and my muscles were so achey.

Just when I could do with a relaxing night in I had to attend an industry awards ceremony on Tuesday night for work. During the afternoon I'd started to feel a bit odd too, but again put it down to a very long hangover. Getting to bed about 1am I had a sore throat and woke Wednesday feeling pretty unwell. Skip forward a day to Thursday and I had come down with a sore throat, achey body, swollen tonsils (so much that I struggled to talk/breathe properly) and a pounding head. Today I'm only a tad better and can't stop coughing.

No I'm not using this blog as some sort of sick form, I'm just highlighting what a state I seem to get in from going out. I was saying only a few weeks ago that I'd been feeling like I'd been ill non stop lately and now I'm thinking the same again, but sensing a pattern that it's after consuming lots of alcohol/nights out.

So should I grow up and act my age?

The joke is I honestly don't think I do that much socially and am not out that often. Yet if you speak to people I know they are always making comments of 'out again?' and 'I don't know how she does it'.

I've been thinking a lot lately of when I was young and on nights out seeing 'older' women - thought of as 'mutton dressed as lamb' and 'grab a granny' if I remember correctly. Now I worry that will be me.

I asked my Mum recently that how do you know when you're old do you stop and realise how to start behaving? My friends and I all say we still feel like we did at college and I love going out eating, drinking and dancing. What if I never learn to 'act my age'?

Mum said you don't ever feel your age (or at least she hasn't so far) and she's never particularly felt old, until she looks in the mirror at her appearance!

So is it just how you look that tells you you've aged? Do I need to grow up and stop getting myself in such a state, particularly as it seems my immune system can't cope anymore?

Part of me - particularly when I feel like I do now - feels that yes I do need to calm it down. However, the problem is I think it's good to act young and it is good for you overall. For example a lot of my relatives have always acted young for their age and enjoyed life and as a result have lived long and happy lives. After all I'm turning 30 not 50!

Christmas Crisis

So it's the day after all the Christmas celebrations and I've got the grumps.

It's so weird it happens to me every year at this time and I don't really know why. As the festivities end I always find that the whole thing has been a bit of an anti climax, all the prep, all the excitement in the lead up and then all of a sudden it's been and gone.

Rather than thinking of all the things I have achieved through the year and what the new year may bring I instead seem to focus on the bad. I know I sound a right miser but I really can't help it. I don't like this grump either!

We haven't arranged any plans either this year for New Years Eve - first time ever - maybe it'd help to have plans to look forward to. To be honest after the hectic month I am kinda swaying to a quiet night in the two of us though! Ha I feel so old putting that.

NYE is another time that annoys me though, all that pressure to have the best night of the year and see the new year in in style. Then you end up paying a fortune in cab fares, drink prices and feeling disappointed your night wasn't the extravaganza you'd imagined in your head when booking it.

Who knows perhaps this is the start of the Thirty Panic and I'm doing the whole judging my life thing early. Still a whole eight months to go yet though let's remember!

So many people have got engaged or have had/are expecting babies. I feel like I am going to be the last one left. I know, I'm 29, not an OAP but I feel by the time it comes to me everyone will have been there and done that!

I also feel like a hippo the amount of food I've consumed, so I am desperate to sort that out asap.

Apart from that I can't really complain, aside from desperately hoping my boyfriend manages to get a private ambulance job very very soon. Having no job doesn't really help with the whole moving your life on together plan... He is so desperate to get back to work though and when you see people with well paid jobs striking for what seem ridiculous reasons it makes me so mad!

So for anyone out there reading this, help me out guys! Please tell me I'm not the only one with the post-Christmas blues and I'm not just a whining whinger!

For now I guess I'll have to console myself with leftover Christmas sweets and snacks, sit in my PJs and watch some Christmas films...

Tough Twenties

This year a lot of my friends have or are turning 30. Interestingly, quite a number of them have found this a time to look at what they’ve achieved – or haven’t – in their lives at this point. Those friends who feel they have completed a number of the expected goals in their life by this point don’t seem so concerned about the big 3-0. However, those who are under the impression they should have somehow done more by now are not quite so keen on reaching three decades on this earth.

I too have found I’m starting to look at where I am in the walk of life and was interested to read a magazine article recently (Stylist of course!) that argued your twenties are the toughest ten years in your life.

The main things that seem to concern us are relationships – are you in one or are you married; career – how far have you progressed; children – do you have them yet; home – do you own one yet or money – do you earn enough/have enough of it?

It seems that perhaps nowadays we are having a crisis in our twenties, perhaps the days of the mid-life crisis are over? When young I can remember joking about men having their mid life crisis and having a young blonde bimbo on their arm and driving around in a flashy sports car. I associated being in your twenties as the time to have fun and be comfortable in life, not a time to start worrying about things!

Apparently eating disorders are getting more common for people around this age group and us girls are more likely to binge drink at this time in our lives. Rather than enjoying what we have got we’re worrying too much about what we haven’t!

This week my boyfriend, in his early thirties, lost his job. This was a career he was completely committed too and seemed a natural in. One of the first things I noticed he looked at was what he felt was a lack of achievement at this point in his life. A point I completely disagree with I have to add, but the point remains that we really do seem to set the bar high for ourselves nowadays and perhaps lose sight of how much already we have done in our lives.

I could sit and blog all day about how unfairly I think they treated him and what I now think of the London Ambulance Service, but don’t worry I won’t bore you all on that one…

This is when I think we need to listen to the older generation and gain knowledge from those who have been there and done it already. Your life is never going to be perfect, what will be will be and things happen for a reason. So rather than sitting there and getting depressed about what could have been, how about we all just get on with living our lives and see what happens?

At school I had decided I would be married at 25, have a nice big house and a successful career and by 28 I would have children. Hm, now at 29 I have my own property yes – a 1 bedroom flat and I am happy with my career. There is no big house though, I am in a 6 year long (so far) relationship and we aren’t engaged and don’t have any children. Not quite on track then.

To be honest though I’ve decided I’m just going to get on with it, you could depressed by facts such as those that claim we reach our physical peak at 26 (American Aging Association), or you can just live your life and take it for what it is.

Apparently we mentally deteriorate from the age of 27 (according to University of Virginia research), but I argue at 29 and in a new job I am learning more skills nearly every day. So I spent my school years wanting to be old enough to go clubbing, I spent college wanting to be older with my own place and in a cool job and now in my late 20s I’m starting to think perhaps your 30s could be where it’s at. Many women say they feel at their most confident at that age – you know who you are, you don’t need to impress anyone anymore and your life is on track. Or is it?

We always say in life the grass is greener on the other side, it also seems that in your age group life always looks more promising in the next decade.

Bloggers Block

Whether it’s down to my head being crammed full of facts, names and processes from my new role, or that my creative juices have temporarily stopped flowing, I can’t seem to write my blog.

I feel a bit like I’ve neglected it lately and it was only conversations at work this week that reminded me of its presence and my lack of contributions. So I’m afraid this post is going to be rather random and filled with a bit of a mix.

So I guess I should start by updating you on my new job. I’ve now done 8 days at my new company and I am genuinely really enjoying it – much to my relief. After all it would have been a bit of a slap in the face to go somewhere new and find you enjoy it less than the previous job you left. It’s also highlighted how little things in life really can make a big difference – things like ‘proper’ mugs to drink out of, not cardboard cups; a sense of general trust in employees and a friendly, approachable nature from management (on all levels).

My boyfriend has found it quite comical – and a reflection of my previous company – how impressed I am by what some people will argue is behaviour almost to be expected by employers. I guess perhaps still being in the new person and learning stage my view may also be somewhat skewed too!

In other areas of my life, I will find myself in the last year of my 20s after this Saturday. A very scary thought indeed. To be honest I have been so caught up in starting my new job and issues with my boyfriend’s career that I’ve not built my birthday up as much as I normally would.

I am a bit of a nightmare when it comes to birthdays, I believe this is down to having such a small family, when one of us has a birthday we like to make a big fuss. I have been known to celebrate my birthdays over a number of days and in fact when I was 25 I had 5 consecutive days of various celebrations. Tip – don’t have your work birthday drinks as the final night of birthday events if you choose to do this, it gets very messy and you will be extremely hungover the next day.

This year I’ve made no arrangements, partly because I’ve not had time and also because my boyfriend has something planned for Saturday – this is all a complete surprise though, so I don’t know what he has in store… I only arranged to go out for a meal and drinks tomorrow night with a close friend a few days ago and that was after my poor friend had to nudge me on it numerous times. I do wonder is this also possibly my way of denying my age and that this is the last year of my 20s, it just doesn’t feel real.

When I think back to being young, back then if I saw someone 30 years of age they seemed so grown up and pretty much sorted – good job, married, own a nice big house, have kids. I didn’t know what, but I was fairly confident in the fact that they had achieved something with their lives. When you get to this age you can’t help but question are you where you should be and have you done and seen enough? I will worry about that after my birthday, else I fear I will spend the day moping about the things I could have done and not what I have done with my life.
I’ve also thought about life and being young with the recent violence and looting in London and across the UK. It saddens me to think this is our future society and although I know this is not necessarily a reflection of the majority of young people today, I’ve seen enough evidence of how teens and schoolchildren feel they can act to know things are different now.

Who knows perhaps again this is further evidence of me getting older. I know for a fact I’ve started doing the whole ‘when I was young…’ phrasing and labelling young girls and boys wearing hoodies or in big groups as ‘yobs’. I just really do feel that things have changed and just general respect and accountability of actions is lacking somewhat nowadays.

I am ‘friends’ on Facebook with some young people – generally distant family members linked to me or my boyfriend, and I find I don’t like looking at their profiles. The girls look too made up and too grown up, the boys have ridiculous levels of bad language on their walls or are using terminology which I’d associate with ‘chavs’.

Even the things our 6 year old nephew is aware of shocks me sometimes, just the general information or terms they pick up simply being around other children at school is insane. I just remember being in more of a bubble when I was young and enjoying the magic of childhood, rather than rushing to become an adult – well at least until I was about 13+ anyway.

The other concern I’ve had of late is my weight (yes, yet again). My whole healthy eating, exercise regime has gone well and truly out the window and I need to quickly establish a routine so I can get myself sorted again. I am actually going to see if I can use my gym membership in the same chain near my office – talks of early morning or lunchtime workouts have been heard, now it’s just a case of making them happen…

It’s just the area I’m based in now – around Spitalfields, near Shoreditch etc, everyone is so skinny and trendy. Seriously, this whole area is not doing anything for my confidence, I feel like an old granny and that I can’t quite work out what to wear – something I’ve never felt before to be honest. I thought how great it was that in this company we could wear what we want (within reason obviously) in the office, but it does add another factor to worry about each week.

So there you have it, I’ve turned into an ageing, judgemental, plump, frumpily-dressed woman on the speedy downward slope to 30. Happy days. I tell you something though, if you need me to talk about work orders, outlines, corporate websites or the best train to get from Romford to Liverpool Street then I’m your lady!

Age aint nothing but a number?

Ooh look at me with another music inspired title!

So, I’ve been chatting with my colleague this afternoon and it inspired me for my topic of today – age. Why is it that people of the same age can be so different – in personality, looks, attitude?

I cited a number of examples – my 67 year old Auntie who looks like she’s in her 50s and acts like she’s in her 30s, one set of grandparents who were very active and liked to go out lots and the other who were more traditional grandparents and sat indoors doing traditional ‘old people’ activities. I also have friends who even when we were at school acted more like middle-aged women than teenagers.

I’ve also been thinking about age lately as I don’t seem to be able to accept that I’m getting old, of course at 28 I’m not an OAP or anything I know. However, when it dawned on me recently that most of my close friends turn 30 this year I really felt quite freaked out by it all. When I was at school and saw people of 30 they seemed so grown up and had everything in life – we’re still into going out drinking and making fools of ourselves, not all of us have our own property and aren’t quite there yet with our careers. Even now if I hear someone is pregnant my initial thought is the same as when I found out about teen Mum’s at school/college! How are they going to cope, what did their Mum say??

But then you get those people that are settled and are perhaps a bit younger than you – good career, nice house, married, got kids and you start to doubt yourself. Where did I go wrong? Why am I not at that place yet?

I keep going back and forth in my thoughts – one minute I envy those around me who seem to have it all, then the next I feel too young to be approaching 30 and want to just be young and have fun. My poor boyfriend doesn’t know whether he’s coming or going. Just before we went to Isle of Wight I nagged the poor boy for being too boring and that we needed to go out more and then last night watching Children’s Hospital and looking at footage of his niece and nephew on his phone I declared I wanted a baby!

What exactly makes some of us reach the age of 80 and still be in the gym and out there enjoying life? Image popping into my head is a guy we fondly know as Disco Dave (not quite sure how old he is) who can often be seen in local pubs dancing the night away to cover bands. Or those of us who even when we’re young decide all that clubbing and boozing lark is not for us, we’re more comfy sitting on the sofa with a nice cuppa and some biscuits, no rock climbing or abseiling for us thank you very much.

Why do some of us love bingo over a boogie and cross stitch over the cross trainer?

Of late I’ve been joking about taking my niece out when she’s grown up for nights out on the town, we’re looking at I guess about 14 years or so before that happens – I’ll then be 42-43...Is that too old to be out on the tiles and will I just be an embarrassment to her rather than a fun party animal companion? When do I need to start worrying about what I wear? Should I have started doing that already??

When at school you have it all planned out don’t you? My plan was married by 25, kid by 28, living in a nice big house, hadn’t really thought about what job I was doing, I suspect though it would’ve been journalism related... Hm so here I am about to change jobs, I do work in the media so it’s close, I have a boyfriend of nearly 6 years but I’m not engaged/married, I definitely don’t have a child and I own a one bedroom flat. Okay not a bad achievement granted, but not quite the grand plan I’d dreamed up.

Should we judge ourselves and work by these deadlines though, or is it okay to just get on with life and take it as it comes? They say as you get old you gradually start to become young again – obviously I’m referring to the not too pleasant state you get when very old and go back to being like a baby. But isn’t it funny how whatever age we are we always want to be younger or older. When you’re young you want to be old enough to get served for booze/fags, I can remember being in infant school and wanting to be old enough to be in junior school so I could pour my own water in the assembly hall at lunch, then once you get past 21 you start to wish you could stay around that age. I’ve found 25+ is the turning point when you don’t want to get any older, I’ll just stay here please and have enough experience in life to know what I’m doing but still be young enough to go out and wear the latest fashions.

Oh well, looks like I’m three years late to make that wish, so begins the downward slide into thirtydoom and trying to become a proper grown up. After all I’m going to have to be extremely mature minded when I decide what fancy dress costume to wear to my friends’ 30^th bouncy castle parties.

Hobby horse

Think back to when you were younger, how many different clubs and groups did you belong to? I have memories of ballet, horseriding, brownies, girl guides, youth club, swimming, keyboard club, school choir, jazz dance, college magazine, creative writing group, the list is endless…

But then what happens when you grow older? When do hobbies become something that you get embarrassed about and you’d rather hang out with your friends, go to the cinema, go shopping and not have that big commitment in your life?

It’s weird, I can remember absolutely adoring horseriding for years, every Saturday morning me and my parents would get up early and drive to the local stables. I’d spend my Saturday morning on top of whatever horse was picked for me that week (often the biggest shire-horse-type animal available what with my height) and trot, canter and jump my way around the fields and arenas. But then I became a teenager and suddenly wearing jodphurs, carrying a crop and donning riding boots and hat were not cool. No, it was much more with it to be seen in new clothes hanging round the town centre and going to the cinema.

You spend your teenage years trying to fit in and do what’s cool, but then when you start work the tables are turned. Your CV. Interests, what do you like doing? Socialising and going out drinking is not a particularly positive activity to list…But what do you like doing you ask yourself, what hobbies do you have? Help! You realise you are actually struggling to figure out something you do enjoy. What do I do to fill all my spare time you wonder?

And now yet again in my life I am starting to ponder what activities can I take part in? Am I becoming an old bore because I don’t have enough ‘proper’ hobbies. It’s like we go full circle – from attending every club going, to being embarrassed by being too interested in something and then right back round again to feeling ashamed you don’t have enough of interest in your life.

So as I list things I am interested in do they sound good enough? Gym, swimming, reading, writing, travelling, eating out, the theatre, films, music gigs. But is there really anything different there – should I be training in martial arts, climbing mountains at weekends or learning to sing opera? Who decides what hobbies are good enough and are worthy to mention.

What new hobbies should I be looking into? And does the cycle continue again as we get older? When we have kids do we get ashamed at being too old to have the hobbies we hold? Do we have to cast aside our interests to make sure we’re always free to ferry the kids to their after school clubs and weekend games?

Do we get to a certain age when old hobbies aren’t allowed anymore and we’ll just make ourselves look a fool by trying to take them up again? I’ve recently started considering taking up horseriding again – not only did I enjoy it (well I did get a bit scared of the jumps), but I’ve realised as I’ve got older how good it is for your fitness levels and body shape! But at 28, nearly 29, are people going to laugh at me getting all dressed up in the full riding gear and trying to jump back on that horse?

What do other people do? Doing a quick search online reveals a lot of people are into gardening, yoga, family history, swimming, cycling and photography. There are even sites out there telling you the best hobbies to have to make people fancy you! On looking on other sites wine tasting can be a hobby out there to be enjoyed – sounds promising…Ooh or cake decorating (does that include eating them?...)

It seems the options really are endless, you just need to decide what interests you the most and I guess what you can do that’s within your budget. After all, this study from as far back as 2002 showed that some parents were spending nearly £1,000 a year for a son and daughter to enjoy their hobbies, and that was 9 years ago. Goodness knows what the costs would be now…

I’m going to go and ponder what new hobby I want to take up and in turn what one I think will be deemed acceptable. The only problem now is, when am I going to get time to do it??

Do we ever grow up?

I’ve just put a photo of me and my Dad up on my Facebook profile in line with the latest campaign on there – to get everybody to do this in line with Father’s Day and leave the pic up until 19^th June.

It just reminded me of some random thoughts I’ve been having lately about your parents and how much you really do rely on them.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I appreciate that not everybody is the same, but on talking to A LOT of close friends and colleagues it became clear recently that most of us in our late twenties/early 30s are still very much reliant on Mummy and Daddy.

This was highlighted to me even moreso when quite a few weeks back my parents announced to me they were going away on yet another holiday (they are retired and spend most of their time jetting off to new locations!) I was pleased for them, although slightly envious (no holiday for me this year, at first because me and my man are saving to buy a place together, but now obviously since I am sans job).  Anyway after hearing about Canada, Martha’s Vineyard, Boston, New York blah blah blah I started to calculate this was going to be more than their usual 2 week trip. Oh yes they were going for a month – a month?! A whole month... a whole four week period for me to survive without the parentals. Now, I am an only child so if this reaction seems a bit extreme/sad to you – give me a break!

I genuinely felt panic and sadness at the idea of them not being here to turn to. Although I am now the grand old age of 28 (nearly 29, but we don’t mention that...) I get my parent’s advice on everything – well everything I consider of any great importance.  Career, cash issues, property queries, major problems/difficulties I’m going through. Their big Canada and NYC visit coincided nicely with my handing-in-my-notice-and-panic plans too, how selfish of them!

So why is it that I have lived away from home for 3 years at Uni and owned my own property for over three years, yet I still feel certain decisions I can’t make without checking out the oracle all knowing opinion of my Mum and Dad first? Is it even fair of us to rely on them so much?

I am going through big guilt right now as obviously if I don’t find a job soon enough I’m going to get pretty short on cash relatively soon and so my parents have already stepped in to say they’ll lend me the money to help with the mortgage. I feel awful as they should be enjoying their retirement and not worrying about little old me, but they have quite strongly and clearly told me this is not an issue and something they would do without even thinking otherwise. I am indeed a lucky individual and extremely fortunate to be in such a position I know, but where does it end? And more importantly how will I cope when – I can’t even bear to write these words – they’re not here?...

This Sunday is Father’s Day – my Dad is not going to be here – so I am going to hire myself out to my boyfriend’s family instead and ask to borrow his Dad for the day instead. Then next Thursday is my Dad’s birthday – and again the selfish git will be gallivanting around New York or Boston or somewhere similar and not at home with me.

But do you know what good bloody luck to them both – if I am half as happy and set up as they are when I reach their age I will feel extremely blessed and one things for sure whenever the time does become right for me to become Mummy Melican myself I sure know how to bring up a child and support them in the best possible ways.