Ladies night with a difference

Recently I paid a visit to my local theatre, this year I've been trying to experience new things and attempt to enjoy a bit more culture.

Last month I saw a play - A Passionate Woman - with my Mum and Auntie. I was back in the same venue the Queen's Theatre in Hornchurch, near where I live, and this time it was just me and my Auntie and an absolutely packed audience filling the seats.

So what did I go to view this time? An opera? A ballet? A heartwrenching dramatic play?

Erm....not quite. No I went to see something a little different, a bit inventive and rather revealing... Puppetry of the Penis.

Yes you read it right I went to see a show (with my Auntie!) involving men, their bits and some 'puppetry'.

As you might expect we ended up having more than just one or two glasses of wine before hitting the theatre, and we were safely placed in row K, a whole eleven rows from the antics on stage. Well, I didn't want us getting pulled up on stage as volunteers did I? Although I admit I also started to have concerns if we would be too far back (no, I am not explaining that in more detail!)

My Auntie had wondered how long the show was going to take and what exactly it'd involve, I had a fair idea, but assumed the show would be relatively short.

Yes the show involved naked men - two Australians to be exact - and the audience were as you'd expect mainly female. We spent most of the show giggling like schoolchildren and watching from behind our hand/between our fingers. It was very funny and we had a good laugh, yes it was childish fun, but it did us good.

However, before these two guys decided to strut their stuff on stage, waving their dangly bits about for all to see, we had a first half. And that first half didn't involve nakedness nor body parts contorted into odd shapes and styles. In fact it didn't involve men at all.

The first half was a stand up comedy set, something I didn't even know was going to be on offer. I'm so pleased it was, we were treated to a 45-50 minute set from Tiff Stevenson, a female comedian I remember seeing on TV a while back on Show Me The Funny (a program trying to find the next big stand up comedian).

Tiff treated us to a host of funny jokes, admittedly rather swayed towards the female audience - but she had us in stitches, really good comedy you could relate to. I was a big fan and what a great surprise for our night - two acts for the price of 1.

It's funny isn't it, you hear about females going to see a naughty show, getting the opportunity to 'act like men' and ogle bodies and sexual parts on the opposite sex. Okay it wasn't a sexual experience, it was meant to be comical too (and it was funny and squirm-worthy as well!) But do you know what I loved most about the night?

The female stand up at the start that I wasn't even going to see originally.

Don't get me wrong a like a bit of smut like the next Essex girl, but in terms of entertainment men may be pleased to hear making a girl laugh is a very key talent to hold!

Bad boys: why do they appeal?

Unfortunately most of us ladies will have had experience of a bad relationship with a ‘bad boy’, or if not definitely know someone who has. If you’re even more unlucky you’ll have had more than one encounter of this kind.

If like me, you’ll have watched from afar as you see your girlfriends treated appallingly – spoken to like rubbish, emotionally blackmailed, had mind games played with or even physically abused – and said ‘I’d never let them happen to me’. You question why people stand for it? Worse still they stay with the person and go back for more.

Never you, right?

Wrong.

I am pretty sure that once in a woman’s life she will experience a bad boy. I hate to wish this on anyone, but I reckon I’m right. Regardless of how strong a female you believe yourself to be, when you fall for this type of guy you fall big time and don’t recognise yourself at the end of it.

But why? What is it about us girls that makes us so attracted to bad boys?

Have you ever noticed they’ve always got a charm about them? Even if they’re not super attractive, they have something in their personality or their aura even that pulls you in and makes them likeable.

I think there are four main things that make up a bad boy – everyone likes them (they seem to be the cool friend in a group), their personality that pulls you in, the excitement of being with someone a bit ‘dangerous’ and last but not least generally they seem to be very good in bed…

But then what is it about them that once you realise actually they’re a bit of an a*****le, you still can’t let go? How do they have this hold over you?

New research [http://www.livescience.com/20294-women-choose-bad-boys.html] has suggested the initial attraction – how you get stuck with these wastes of space – is down to our hormones. At certain times we’re drawn to men who seem a bit bad and our hormones signal to us they’ll make good fathers.

Other studies suggest it is how we have evolved as humans – rather than learning bad boys are bad (like we thought in the past [http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/repairing-relationships/201206/are-women-naturally-attracted-the-bad-boy], where the media plays up the ‘rogue’ as the attractive character us ladies have changed our mind and got the wrong impression.

Or we can be told the guy that’s no good for you pulls you in as they offer something fresh and different [http://www.elle.com/life-love/sex-relationships/bad-boys-330937].

Whilst researcher Peter Jonason [http://www.elle.com/life-love/sex-relationships/bad-boys-330937] argues women who don’t like to feel deep emotion and prefer to keep an emotional distance are actually most prone to going for the bad guy.

This just seems like madness at first – the ones who are trying to stop themselves from getting hurt are the ones who go to the man who is most likely to hurt them. However, if you think about it for a minute those of us who think we’re strong are probably the ones likely to hold back like Jonason suggests.
The worrying thing though is that surely that means you are destined to keep dating bad boys as once you’ve been hurt you’ll be even more cautious with your emotion?

In a relationship now for seven years with someone who isn’t a nasty person I can safely tell you it doesn’t have to be a pattern! There are good guys out there, but you do need to learn to trust.

After being with someone for over three years I eventually got rid and learnt my lesson, but why did I stay there so long? I decided to see if good old Google could help provide some suggestions…

To be honest I couldn’t see a lot – certainly nothing other than common sense answers I could give myself. When you’re in these relationships a lot of it is about mind games. And this is a popular answer people give – it’s an emotional thing. You feel comfortable being in that relationship and get stuck in a rut, you are fearful you won’t meet someone else, your confidence is knocked and you think this is as good as it gets, you forgive too easily and make excuses.

As cliché as it sounds, I was once told by a relative of mine – who herself had been in a bad relationship (in fact she was married to him), that when you meet these bad boys and it all goes wrong you put up with things. A lot. But then one day something snaps and enough is enough. You stop putting up with it.

Then starts the long old process of getting over it and becoming that strong woman again.

My advice? Obviously you would think avoid the bad boys. Yes of course. But you know what, sometimes there is one benefit of being with a bad boy. Like everything in life you shouldn’t have regrets I feel and after being with someone like that you sure as hell learn from it and know what you will never ever put up with again – meaning future relationships are stronger, healthier and more successful.

Burying their heads in the sand: men and their Ostrich syndrome

I was asked recently to blog about what it is about men that means they don’t like to ask for help, why it is when faced with an issue they bury their heads in the sand – in what we’ll call the Ostrich Syndrome.

We all know the classic examples – lost when driving they go into denial, can’t find what they need in a shop they will keep walking around until it appears, or just leave empty handed, the list goes on.

When it comes to relationships, a lot of men are even worse. Us ladies might well get accused of talking too much but at least we share and try to solve things. Men? Oh no, the favoured approach – according to a lot of my single friends – seems to be to just start acting like an a***h**e when the going gets tough and try and deal with it that way.

Not sure if you want to be with a girl anymore? Just treat her like rubbish and wait for her to dump you. Finding it hard to break it to a lady you don’t want another date with her – don’t worry just don’t bother contacting her and ignore her attempts to contact you. Find someone else you think you fancy more than your current partner, just relax, sleep with them both until one finds out and makes the decision for you!

The same is true if something is bothering a man emotionally, quite often men seem to have this block where they don’t want to back down or show their softer side. This then leads to men giving the impression they don’t care, when in reality they really truly do. I know of guys that end up making themselves ill or really stressed out just because they can’t face the reality of their situation and talk to people around them. They’d rather deny it all and leave it to another day to deal with.

So why are men so scared to deal with things and ask for help? Why is there this feeling that it is seen as a sign of weakness to admit you need help?

Why would a man rather be deemed a nasty person with no heart, than try being honest and talk truthfully about their feelings and thoughts?

I’ve had experiences of male family members who struggled to show their emotions and boyfriends where it took a long time to face their fears and start dealing with life. I think all of us will have experienced some form of male Ostrich Syndrome at some point.

Men, when will you take your heads out the sand and realise? Us women want you to talk, you don’t need to be the strongest in control one all the time, we’d rather you just be you. Everybody makes mistakes, if you can’t find something or you take a wrong turn it doesn’t matter. If you decide after a first date we’re not quite what you thought we were, then please just tell us early on and let us know from the start rather than break our hearts after date number ten (or even year number three).

On the other hand, women reading this blog, please do rest assured they’re not all like this. There are honestly plenty of good men out there who will open up – granted the majority of the time they’ll keep most things clammed up inside, but on the odd occasion you might just get a bit of honesty or a cry for help from them…Honest…