Love Island - harmless or hurtful?

We all know I love a bit of trashy TV, I fully admit to indulging in a lot of programs that many people probably find unbearable.

To me watching a bit of ‘reality’ TV, something easy to view without engaging your brain all that much (if at all) is the perfect chance to switch off and unwind.

It worked for me when I was at work full time and stressed after dealing with clients and staff and it still works for me now as a full time Mum of 3. 

So as you can imagine this week seeing the return of Love Island has cheered me right up! 

I do however feel like this time around there are a few hot topics that are worth discussing aside from it being a prime example of trash. 

On viewing this year I’ve felt - moreso than last year even - my age is showing. I struggle to find any of the male contestants that attractive so far (could that be because they could be a younger brother to me and I wouldn’t want my kids on such a show?) 

For me it’s the ideal escapism, let’s be honest in my late 30s and a Mum I’m not ever going to be a candidate on the island of lurrve - my body doesn’t fit the mould, neither does my age or lifestyle! I can lose myself in watching these toned tanned young flirts.

However, given the pressures of social media now to look a certain way and the sort of criticism you can face with trolling and the like these sort of programs have come under attack. Particularly with Love Island since there have 
now been 2 suicides with previous contestants. 

Most recently the Jeremy Kyle show has been cancelled given one of its participants committed suicide. So why has that not been the case for Love Island? Why is it felt there’s a direct correlation with Jeremy Kyle’s interviewing techniques and a suicide, but no link between the two Love Island contestants’ deaths and that show?

In my opinion I’m not a fan of the Jeremy Kyle show but I’m not that confident the show or the presenter can fully truly be blamed for the man’s suicide. When it comes to Love Island, I have to agree, but something admittedly does feel like it’d be more likely to be a factor.

Why? Because it’s all based on looks and popularity.

That brings me on to the next topic of discussion this year - why are the men and women on it all so perfect and it has been argued not truly representative of society in 2019? 

But should they be? 

Again I find it hard to comment as for me, I know I’m not at that stage in my life right now that I’d even try compare myself to the 20-somethings featuring on screen. Like I said I like to watch the show as escapism and a break from my real life so I don’t necessarily need or want to see a more diverse representative line up. 

Let’s be honest the show is about flirting and sex overall. As the series increase it tends to be more about celeb wannabes trying to get more followers, likes and advertising campaigns/TV opportunities. 

And really, has it ever truly been about finding Love? 

I don’t care though, I find it fun to watch! There I admit it.

Yes that’s shallow and the show is shallow, but it serves a purpose. 

In a world where there is so much hatred, fighting, violence, worry, messy politics and more negativity is there any harm in some programs being aired that are just a load of trash and easy watching? 

For me no. However, for vulnerable easily-influenced young men and women out there (particularly when mental health issues are so prevalent right now) perhaps it is time to dig a little deeper and consider how ‘harmless’ these programs truly are.

Admittedly I certainly wouldn’t want any of my kids going on such a show when they’re older! 

Hairy horrors

Having a baby - going through pregnancy, childbirth and the actual caring for the baby and sleepless nights and putting yourself last - all have a huge impact on your health and well-being. Admittedly way more than I’d ever realised or imagined. 

I could go into all the usuals - your weight, tiredness, your boobs, stretch marks, your ‘mummy tummy’ - perhaps in another blog. For now, though, one I never realised, your hair.

Yes, often if people over style their hair - constant dying, straightening, curling and the like - they can damage their hair. But having a baby? Surely the damage is all downstairs? 

Those who’ve been through the whole motherhood thing will likely have been told about your hair often getting thick, glossy and full when pregnant and you may find after birth you start to lose hair a bit as it resets itself back again. 

But what about breakage and thinning? I’ve always had very thick and fast growing hair. It got even thicker and shiny when I was pregnant with my eldest daughter. I took my pregnancy vitamins religiously and ate very healthy most of the time. 

I breastfed my daughter, still taking some vitamins as advised and then suddenly I started to notice these annoying wispy bits of hair at the front of my hairline. 

And then they kept coming. It was a nightmare trying to do my hair. I have a side parting when my hair is down, it’d take so long to find somewhere to part it where the wisps didn’t show. Then if I wanted a ponytail or any style where my hair was brushed back off my face - ha, well needless to say it looked awful!

I’ve seen some people refer to it as a ‘baby fringe’ and some articles suggest on average it takes 15 months to return to normal! 

My hair otherwise was in good condition and although it fell out when drying it was thick and healthy overall. You know when those annoying wispy bits disappeared? Ooh not long after Olivia turned 1 I’d say. And then what?

I got pregnant again didn’t I? With twins! And so it began again!

This time double the hormones and a longer period of breastfeeding. I still took vitamins before and after, but my twin pregnancy diet was nowhere near as healthy admittedly (I blame the boy for that!) 

This time round I noticed the wispy bits pretty early on and there seem more of them. As the twins are around 13.5 months now I was hoping fairly soon my hair would return to normal (it’s certainly not falling out). 

According to gethegloss.com and Anabel Kingsley, “During pregnancy, raised oestrogen levels keep hairs in their anagen (growth) phase for longer than usual...after delivery, levels return rather speedily back to normal, causing hairs to switch from their growth to shedding phase (called telogen).”

“Breastfeeding can also contribute to this due to increases in levels of the hormone, prolactin, which is connected with hair loss too,” Kingsley explains. 

My hair is still pretty bad and I recently had my hair done and my hairdresser noticed on the left side my hair is actually getting quite thin near the edge. 

Anyone else had this, what did you do? Through pregnancy or otherwise I’m sure it makes no difference. I’d love some tips!

For now, I’ve bought some skin, hair and nail vitamins to try. I’m definitely lacking something as I notice my skin is very dry on my hands and feet - something I’ve had since I first had my daughter and she turns 3 in May! 

I already know the benefits of drinking water and most the time I stay on top of this (again something I’m trying to work on at the moment in between handling three under 3!) 

So today was the first day I’ve taken the vitamin and I’ve bought a tub of 30 so let’s see what happens...I’m hoping by the time I go on holiday in a few months it’ll be back to its old self and I can feel confident with my hair once again. It’s been a long time... 

I know from reading the little tufts are simply new hair trying to grow after the loss post pregnancy and birth, and some people feel they look like a troll after, so I’m not alone. At least it’s not breaking as such!

Hey, even popular Mum and author Giovanna Fletcher posted about it.

Hair transplant surgeon Ken L. Williams Jr., a fellow of the International Society of Hair Restoration Surgery, speaking to SELF, explained that hair grows at an average of half an inch a month, so this kind of thing will typically resolve itself once those hairs get long enough to blend in with the rest of your mane.

So basically I’ve got to be patient...let’s just hope it’s solved itself in a few months time so I can soak up the sun so I only need to show off my Mum tum and not my troll head too! Wish me luck! 

Why can’t we just be happy as me?

I’m sitting in front of a daytime TV program and there’s a woman on here who’s had various injections to ‘make herself a black woman’.  It made me think about people and their appearance and how commonplace it is now to want to be somebody else. 

Obviously this is an extreme example, but in today’s social media society you only have to flick through a few images to see how everybody wants to be an idealised version of ‘me’.

There are beauty shops everywhere nowadays and I’ve noticed even an increase in men’s barbers and grooming shops just on our local high street. It’s not a female-heavy phenomenon anymore. 

People are constantly trying to be different to their original selves. 

Young women having various cosmetic procedures - lip fillers, body shaping - numerous filters on pictures, teeth whitening. The list is endless. 

Is this the result of a selfie generation? Many can’t do anything without taking a photo or posting on social media. So do people then think it must look perfect and therefore their appearance must be what’s perceived as perfect?

Even young girls now are posing with their hand on hip, perfecting their pout and taking a selfie from the right angle. 

When did it become the norm to not accept who you are?

Why can’t we just be honest and be ourselves? 

Are the pressures now that high that we need to be pretend to be something else?

Or is it harmless and just a form of escapism? 

When did things change? 

How do you feel?

Personally I’m aware I’ve changed so much obviously just from ageing and moreso from having children! However, myself I don’t think I’d have any form of surgery or cosmetic procedure to change me.

Although I do dye my roots in my hair as I don’t like the greys showing, I do wear makeup, so I suppose I too do change myself to an extent. I’d argue it’s just covering up a bit and highlighting my features rather than trying to change them...Or am I just in denial? 

Why is it we do not feel confident in how we are naturally to be seen in photos or out in public without this heavily filtered image in front of us?

Time to get back on the fitness wagon

A new year and I thought it was about time I get back on this blog. I know I know, I always say that and don’t worry I’m not going to start claiming my new year resolution is to blog more.

I am, however, going to be extremely stereotypical and announce how the Christmas break is over (well it is for me as I was back at work today) and that I am now aiming to get in shape. Bore. Yawn. I know I know could I be more cliché ‘new year, new me’ and all that…

However, after the vast amounts of food and drink consumed this past fortnight, something needed to be done. Well, I say past 2 weeks, what I really mean is since we moved into our house – takeaways galore and very little exercise for 3 months…

I reached that well known point we all get to after the festive indulgence, I was actually craving healthy food.

As a brand new year started yesterday I jumped on the scales when I eventually got up (after a rather late and drunken New Year’s Eve party) to survey the damage. I have to admit it wasn’t good, but it was definitely a lot better than anticipated.

Just over 7lbs put on in 3 months, bearing in mind I’ve eaten healthily for a few days out of that and only went to the gym once I’m relieved it wasn’t a lot more. I certainly feel like I’ve gained about 2 stone!!

I’m bridesmaid to one of my oldest and best friends this year too and we’re going to a wedding show at the end of the month so I really need to try and shift some of this excess fat before then – right now I don’t think any form of dress would suit me!

I have to admit (it is in all likelihood simply post-Christmas effect only and will be short-lived) I felt great yesterday. Although I was a tad hungover (mostly tired), I had healthy food and was only just over my suggested calorie allowance.

Fish, vegetables and sweet potato for dinner with a glass of water really did feel great! No fat, no booze, no junk. Lovely!

I’ve also stocked up on some more fruit and veg and low fat goodies so I plan to try and stick to this for as long as I can now.

I’d suggested a Dry January again like I did previously, however the social calendar is already against me – a team drinks thing next Wednesday and ballet (and no doubt a meal and drinks) on the Thursday! Therefore, my plan is instead to not drink alcohol unless it’s for a social occasion, I think that’s fair enough and a tad more realistic.

I’m also hoping to go to my first spinning class of 2015 tomorrow morning too to get myself back into it. I’ve already looked up the studio timetable for my gym so I can start planning visits too. I will shed this weight and more if it kills me.

A friend of mine has been dieting and exercising for a good few months now and she’s done so well she’s really inspired me. I can’t wait to be rid of this tired and bloated feeling – and also start enjoying looking good in clothes again and not wearing what’s comfortable or what I don’t look too fat in!

One, nearly two days down, and many more to go…

I'm an insecure girl too: help me out of here!

Sitting here on a Friday night on my own, without any foodie treats, vino or company and wearing my onesie, I'm clearly not worried how sad I sound.

Therefore I'll crank it up a notch and admit I'm watching I'm A Celebrity! Oh and I am ill and on antibiotics, hence the naff social life of late and depressed mood!

Anyways, I'm watching said reality show on ITV and am pleased to say it's made me smile tonight.

Yesterday however was another story. 

Don't get me wrong I'm pleased body image and what women face regarding their feelings and appearance was highlighted. I felt so saddened though that a top athlete could be made so low and has had such a bad time of it all down to her appearance.

No matter how time progresses nothing changes for us girls and our bodies does it?

It saddens me and makes me so angry that a woman who has an OBE and has a bloody Olympic medal for goodness sake can feel so low and worthless over ignorant peoples' comments on social media and being around a beauty pageant stunner. 

I'm not anti Amy Willerton at all, she seems a nice enough person and her challenge today showed her to be brave and with a sense of humour - she did very well and was very calm throughout. 

Admittedly this did anger me, just through pure jealousy - she is so pretty and a nice person and is good with heights, bugs and adventurous challenges. Damn her!

Although I have to say her fawning over Joey Essex has done my head in! 

It's just unbelievable that we are in 2013 and every woman in that jungle is being judged by their appearance or has issues. The fact Laila (Mo from Eastenders) seems the most confident says a lot - body confidence seems to come with age and experience. Perhaps it's because she comes from an era that celebrated curves? 

Rebecca has clear issues with appearance and Lucy from Emmerdale was very forthcoming in revealing her insecurities. 

For such a trashy TV easy-watching show like this it's been pretty hard going to watch. 

As a female who is constantly worrying about my size and judging myself against others it also hit a nerve. I think a lot of us girls are the same sadly. 

My boyfriend even laughs whenever I'm off to the gym or eating healthily saying I'd never be happy whatever size I may be and whatever compliments people give me I don't accept.

For tonight though I've been cheered somewhat. Yes I was annoyed at after showing Amy doing so well in a physical challenge, the program then resorted to the clichéd shower scene so well known now on I'm A Celeb after the famous Mylene scenes! 

But then Matthew Wright saved the day. Yes sobbing scared candidate Mr Wright, the smarmy faced channel 5 presenter you typically want to slap. He saved the day?

Why? Because he decided to do his own white bikini shot in the waterfall shower. Classic! 

Just the sort of thing we need to see, mocking of these long awaited 'sexy' scenes that all the tabloids wait for. About bloody time! 

So men take note, us girlies enjoy a bit of humour, regardless of how you look. So perhaps once in a while judge a lady by her combined assets and not just those that belong in a bikini or in your childish lad mag fantasies!

And girls? You're not getting off lightly either. Stop bitching about one another - we all do it - maybe next time you start think of how you feel next to that beauty in the bar with you or having to step out in that teeny weeny swimwear in the Summer.

Will I be applying this attitude myself? Of course! 

Now what was it they were saying in the Dingo Dollar about how many lies men tell, never mind women... 

What will the neighbours say?

First off I have to thank a friend at work for the idea for this blog. We always share our tales of fitness and healthy eating and other things we’ve been up to. Today we were talking and started discussing women and our appearance – how constantly worried we are about how we look – in all sorts of situations!

I guess this kind of links into my hang ups and worries of trying out new exercises classes/hobbies too – I don’t want to look stupid. And I will never forget when me and my boyfriend first started dating and he worked in the gym – I refused to be in there when he was, he just could NOT see me sweaty! Eventually there were times I had to be in there the same time as I was working, but I used to hide in a little side room to avoid him seeing me out of breath and sweating.

Similarly whenever I liked a boy when young I could not eat in front of them, my second date with my boyfriend I picked at the food like a sparrow (very unlike me if you know me!) I was just so worried I might look stupid when eating, get some food down me or stuck in my teeth for example.

And once us ladies discover makeup, that’s it, the thought of leaving the house without makeup on makes us recoil in horror. Granted, as I’ve got older I’ve got a bit more sensible about this and do venture out sans makeup for certain things (normally going to the gym where it will sweat off anyway, or if we are driving round to my parents and I won’t see anyone else!)

It all stems from the matching underwear situation – just in case you have an accident, you get knocked down by a car, perhaps you should ensure you always leave the house in matching underwear. Because what if they need to take your clothes off? Never mind the fact you could be critically injured and really ill, oh no the issue here is that your underwear is decent!

Or what about your legs? Are they freshly shaved or waxed, or instead are you resembling a baboon, your legs home to a small forest-ful of hair? Imagine having to be taken into hospital like that??

It’s funny we’re all very strict with ourselves when it comes to our beauty regime – hair cut or colour is due, we need new clothes, our nails need doing, we need a bikini wax and so on. Yet when it comes to other more important things like our health, it seems to come second place. Think about it, how good are you at ensuring you book your smear test once you get that reminder? Or the dentist? How many reminders does it take for you to pick up the phone and get that check-up booked in?

You go to the gym, are you more concerned with your technique and getting moves right, working to your full potential, or instead self-conscious that you’re dripping with sweat or have face resembling a beetroot?

We all follow these diet plans to try and make sure we lose weight and get trim, we push and push ourselves to stick religiously to what we are and aren’t allowed. Do you ensure you get your ‘five a day’ like this? Would you religiously take vitamins to make sure you’re getting the right nutrition? No I thought not.

So why are we so hard on ourselves? What does it matter if we go out with no makeup on, or dare to wear our ‘clothes for indoors’ in the outside world? What is the worse that could happen if we were ill and had to be taken into hospital – would the doctors refuse to deal with us because our toenails weren’t painted and our armpits needed a shave?

Although I’m sure we all realise how silly this situation is that we put ourselves in every day, we all still do it.

I can be going to see my niece and nephew and I’ll still do things like make sure my nails are painted or I change my outfit and check I look okay. They are three and seven, as if they will notice my beauty regime…

Why are we so worried what other people think?

I have one of my oldest and bestest friends staying over tomorrow night, she regularly stays over when we go for nights out together and it’s great – we can have a good gossip before we go out and then a great giggle the morning after at our silly behaviour.

Yet whenever she is coming to stay I worry about the mess my flat is in and how I really must clean. She’s even said herself she doesn’t care and I should know her well enough to know that, but still I think about getting my flat spick and span.

I’ve had people from within my block of flats knock at my door unannounced before and – ashamedly – I’ve ignored the door. No, not because I don’t like them (although that recent note may change that with some), but because I’m ashamed of the state my flat is in. Or worse still I’m in my PJs without any makeup on! Nobody is seeing me like that!

Thinking back to my childhood I can even remember having blazing arguments with Mum as a teenager and her telling me to be quiet as the windows were open and the neighbours might hear!

I would say perhaps this weekend I might try and fight back against this behaviour, maybe go out for the girl’s night with no makeup…yeah right who am I kidding?!

Look, I’ll go spinning tomorrow without any makeup on, it’s a start…

Fat girl within

Memories of a baby cute as can be
Old photos show a little one, cuddly and chubby

A young child, tall for her age
Seen with a flat tummy, long spindly legs, always wanting to be centre stage

Images of a teen, slim but not comfortable in her own skin
Too shy to reveal what she's really like within

As she ages she starts to come out of her shell
But then in turn her body starts to gradually swell

Uni and a troublesome partner see plenty of booze and takeaways
Soon the weight starts to pile on over those weeks and days

Starting work, too ambitious to notice
Drunken nights out with colleagues, more calories get added to the list

Meeting a new partner, falling in love, this time for real
Getting comfortable with someone new, often out for drinks or a meal

Unhappiness at work, pressures lead her to comfort eat
Embarrassment on trains, being offered a seat

Nasty comments made with a vicious tongue
New friends seem so slim and pretty, each and every one

She starts to feel like the fat friend in the group
Her clothes aren't so small or nice, she feels out of the loop

She compares herself every time she's out
To those beautiful, slim figured girls and her friends, her appearance is without

Photos soon highlight how big those arms are
How rounded the face and those chunky legs stand out in a bar

Those who love her argue she's perfect as she is
But to her she can't believe it, she knows it's just politeness

She decides something really needs to be done
And cherishes the pounds falling off, each and every one

But then life pressures and events lead her to go back to her old ways
She doesn't want to feel like that again and those miserable days

She'll try again and give it all of her effort
To get back in shape and show she can be different

For now she'll take it one day at a time, it's healthy eating not some kind of famine
A mix of exercise too to get healthy, and hope to send back that fat girl within

Mirror mirror on the wall…

Don’t judge a book by its cover? Good luck with that. It may not be very ‘PC’, but one of the first things you notice about a person is how they look – smart, scruffy, ugly, beautiful, skinny, fat.

You judge your future partner on how they look when you first meet, or whether you feel attracted to that stranger across the dancefloor on an evening out. Should this extend to work though? I remember at one point watching a documentary about bigger sized people that were disciminated against due to their weight, with employers admitting they assumed those people were lazier and not as able.

Is the same true if you’re considered more an ugly duckling than the beautiful swan?

There is a new book out called Honey Money, where the author Catherine Hakim argues the importance of good looks. She does combine it with some other factors which make up what she’s termed ‘erotic’ capital. These include sex appeal, how lively you are, your style, beauty and social skills you have. Apparently the better looking you are the better you are in the workplace.

Really?? Surely this can’t be true.

I know from past experience of cases where certain females did get hired based on their looks. Not naming any names here…This was something I found so shocking and really inappropriate. Don’t get my wrong if someone looks like a supermodel and has the best CV and skills, yes they deserve the job. However, hiring someone because they tickle your tastebuds really doesn’t cut it for me. In fact for some working alongside an uber attractive lad or lady may well put them off their own work, it can be very distracting you know.
Should people who are not deemed traditionally ‘beautiful’ miss out then and not be given a chance? Janet Street Porter is hardly the most attractive woman out there but she’s good at what she does, Mo Mowlam – should she have been stopped from getting anywhere in politics due to her less than perfect appearance in the beauty stakes? What about people with deformities and facial scarring? Are they less deserving to do well because they don’t look right? Where does it stop?

I agree with Julie Bindel, talking to Stylist magazine she says that “women should neither need nor desire to use their looks to get ahead in the boardroom”. It feels like we are taking a big step backwards if that’s how people feel they need to be to get ahead in their career.

Taking pride in your appearance is a different story, of course you should be dressed appropriately for work and greasy hair and dirty fingernails is not acceptable in a corporate environment. In the same vein though if you are a genius in your field and you’re not client facing does what you look like really matter?

I’ve never really found somebody’s looks to be an issue and that’s being completely honest. I don’t find I work better with people who are conventionally pretty than I would do those who are perhaps more in the ‘plain Jane’ category. I’d hate to think I’d ever be turned down for a promotion or a job role because I wasn’t deemed good looking enough.

However, it does appear that looks are an important factor in employment. According to new research you can earn approximately 20% more if you are good looking, well mannered and well groomed. I don’t know, perhaps people trust you more and feel you represent the company in a better light. Who knows.

Why is it then we wonder why women (and men of course) have such extreme body image issues, our children start to have weight concerns when they should be still playing with toys and having sweet treats and plastic surgery is so popular? If looks are now becoming important in your career what sort of message does that convey? Are we going into a future where people become perfect replicas of the ideal man and woman to get that relationship and secure that dream job? I’ve already blogged before about being able to pick and choose ideal features in your babies, could this be another reason parents might decide to pursue such an option?

Perhaps I better get back in that gym and invest in some more makeup, I don’t want to be left behind in the ugly corner at work…

Girls on girls

Recently on TV a – rather poor to be honest – film from a couple of years back has been shown – Bride Wars. The film tells of how two former best friends fall out and become enemies when their upcoming weddings are accidentally double booked at their same dream venue on the same day. Although rather extreme for the purposes of movie entertainment, it’s not really too shocking to imagine two women doing such things to each other.

Us ladies aren’t always that nice to one another and are very quick to judge it has to be said. Recently I read an article in Stylist magazine about how women look at others around them and rather than coming together in some form of ‘sisterhood’, we go into competitive mode and to put it bluntly ‘bitch’ about one another instead.

I remember years back on one of my many journalism-related work experience placements, I ‘worked’ on a girls magazine. Well that sure set my mind straight that I probably didn’t really want to be getting a role on a female magazine anytime soon. Everyone walking into the room got the once over by their ice-cold eyes and knowing looks and supposedly discreet nudges were followed not long after.

If you think of a girl with tanned skin, a large chest and fake nails – what thoughts come into your mind? Or on the other hand someone with puffy hair, bad skin and no make up on? A confident, attractive woman in a high up role in a company with a male boss? How about that woman who has a child and soon after rushes back to work and starves herself in a bid to lose the baby weight? Any positive thoughts or terms coming to mind? Thought not.

Why is it then we treat our fellow females in this way? According to a psychologist from Queen’s University Belfast, talking to Stylist, it can be argued our behaviour is “mate competition” and we are trying to beat our way to the front of the queue for the hottest male specimens. Hm…so why do we still judge one another when we’re in happy, stable relationships then?

Judi James, author of The Body Language Bible (again courtesy of Stylist – told you I love that magazine!) seems to think we judge others on those things we’re insecure about.

I’m just as guilty as the next person in judging other women and like most of us have also been at the other end and found myself being judged throughout the years. It’s not nice.

Lately I’ve had an eye infection and for some reason it just won’t shift. This felt like the end of the world when I woke up to another day at my new job and discovered my eyes were puffed up, gooey, red, sore and itchy. There was no way makeup could get anywhere near my freak face, oh no. So I had to go to work with no makeup on, in fact for a number of days now I’ve had to go to my new job wearing no eye make up whatsoever. For a girl addicted to her kohl pencil and liquid eyeliner this is not a pleasant experience. I’ve realised too that the main reason I felt so insecure about it was in part due to judgements I myself have made on others about lack of makeup/looks in the past.

A girl has a baby before she gets married or when she’s still very young, who’s to say whether that is right or wrong if she brings up the child well and with unconditional love? Someone wears a gypsy-wedding style dress on their big day, why should they be labelled a ‘chav’ and attention seeking? A woman goes back to work after having children despite not needing the extra money, she just wants a career – why shouldn’t she? An extremely successful lady in the company who is very attractive and all your male colleagues like her – why do you then conclude she must have ‘slept her way to the top’?

On the flip side I can remember at school being very conscious of praising another female or expressing a positive opinion based on their looks. Why? Because you’d be accused of being a lesbian. How ridiculous are we??

As everybody knows a lot is judged on looks – something I plan to blog about at a later point. Really then I shouldn’t be all that surprised that when I find a female I do comment on now it tends to be on their looks? Shallow? Just a little. For example of late I’ve been saying how I’d love to look like Mila Kunis – just focussing on her big Bambi eyes and enviable figure. No, no mention of her acting abilities or anything of achievement, just that she is attractive.

We argue we don’t want men to look at us based on appearance and as sexual objects, but sometimes I wonder what do we expect if we do the same thing ourselves to each other? Someone has plastic surgery, the majority of the time you presume they are a wag wannabe, you don’t stop to think perhaps that area of their body genuinely did cause them extreme unhappiness.

In this digital age where social media seems to have taken over and we have access to images, information and opinions from anyone, anywhere and at any time it’s no wonder we all have our own opinion on everything. When Mary Helen Immordino-Yang, a neuroscientist, spoke to Stylist magazine, she stated how we have no time to “fully digest and process” a whole story and the emotion behind it because before we know it we’re “bombarded by the next bit of information”. Are we just too busy then in life to be kind and caring and supportive? Is empathy and relating to your fellow females just too much to worry about nowadays?

A while back I talked about politeness and trying to treat other people how you’d like to be treated. Maybe before we judge someone we need to start thinking about how we feel, how hard it is to walk into a bar full of well-dressed attractive women and feel you don’t quite match up – your original night-out confidence gone. Or doing well at work and receiving praise only to be met with snide remarks whispered behind your back about just how you got yet another payrise. Next time, before you look at that girl on the train and her chipped nails or not quite perfect hair, or that woman feeding her child greasy chips not fresh fruit and vegetables, have a think about how you often feel around other women and just stop to think.

Sorry then to any men who clicked on this link hoping to read about or perhaps even view evidence of some girl-on-girl action. I’m afraid yes it just about us ladies and how we should come together instead of making life harder for ourselves going it alone. In fact, look there I go again – prejudging the male viewers of this blog and presuming they would read a sexual theme into this post. I’m a woman alright? I just can’t help myself!