Mum guilt

I remember when I found out I was pregnant with the twins (well I didn’t realise there were 2 just then!) My first thought was to my daughter, my first born,    what if she felt pushed out? 

Being an only child myself I’ve always felt it all had to be about Olivia. I couldn’t get my head round the idea of having more than one child and in particular how can you love another child as much as the one you have.

I’d love to say this was the first time I experienced some sense of guilt at my actions/decisions potentially impacting my child. Ha! Who am I kidding?! I don’t think I could even count the number of times I’ve felt guilty over something linked to my daughter. 

And now there are 3? Well, there’s not any hope left for me now...

Guilty as charged. 

I’ve always been a people pleaser type of person so it’s likely through most things in my life I will have felt bad about what I may have said/done in case it upset the apple cart and caused any offence.

Being a Mum? That’s a whole different story, this is a different level.

I feel guilty for maybe hugging two and leaving one out, for not going back to work (am I setting a bad example), for thinking of going back to work (abandoning them?), not doing enough classes with them, not reading enough, allowing too much screen time, not disciplining enough, being too shouty, for not making healthy enough meals, for being too strict with treat snacks, and on and on and on and...

The biggest guilt? At the moment, the ongoing constant battle of whether I am treating them all fairly.

It’s the twins first birthday fast approaching and I’ve lost count the amount of times I’ve felt guilty over what we’re doing - or not doing - for it.

After your first child even I know it’s standard to not do perhaps quite so much with any additional siblings. 

But I’m constantly comparing Olivia’s first birthday to what we’re looking at for the twins, and there’s two of them.

Case in point everything had to be new with Olivia. The twins? We were welcoming on any donated clothes, toys, equipment from well wishing friends and relatives.

Often I get told ‘they won’t know’ when I feel things aren’t the same this time round - lack of classes, not reading as much, party plans - all of it. But I’ll know and that’s the problem.

I remember when I was pregnant with my first and talking about feeling bad about something I’d done/not done and I was told to get used to it - welcome to the world of Mum guilt.

Do men not get this? What do you guilt trip over?

I literally do not stop feeling guilty when it comes to my children and friends are always telling me of their guilt over all sorts of things.

Why do we do it? 

I read somewhere recently if you’re feeling guilty about something as a parent it’s probably a sign you are a good parent as if you were a failure/bad parent you wouldn’t worry and wouldn’t be questioning yourself!

I remember thinking what a good point this was. Until worrying about the next thing! 

Tonight? I’m going to bed feeling like a failure because of bathtime and bedtime. 

It’s safe to say tonight was an utter shit storm. It did not go well.

I’m trying to set up a new bath and bed routine which can involve all 3 kids (and stops my guilt at leaving crying twins downstairs whilst I bath my eldest). 

Tonight, they were all over tired and needless to say my chosen method and order of bathing was not a success. I ended up a hysterical screaming monster and have spent the evening since feeling guilty at how I snapped at the babies and made Olivia upset too (in response to their hysterical behaviour first I should add).

My daughter needed her hair washed tonight which inevitability took longer and she was shattered as it’s a preschool day today too. 

Well, the twins were tired and unhappy and wouldn’t stop crying and Olivia just wanted her bath and bed (I bathed the twins first). At a few times all three were screaming and crying (which surprisingly is a rarity to be fair) and I was there screaming along with them (well at them!) 

If I hadn’t done that? Mum guilt for not washing her hair, Mum guilt for leaving the twins to cry downstairs, Mum guilt for not bathing the twins enough. I could go on...

So why are we always feeling so guilty? 

I know lots of Mums who I wouldn’t say are ‘people pleasers’ like me who suffer this too, so it cant just be my obsessive worrying personality! 

And how comes men seem so laid back? Well they seem to be, let me know if I’m wrong and as a make you get parenting guilt.

Any tips for beating the guilt?

Or is that it now? A lifetime of guilt for them, about them??

I’m dropping my phone as I type this as I’m falling asleep where I’m tired, it’s been one of those days! So for now I’m going to try get some sleep before I start to feel guilty about something else!!