Buying blues and selling sagas

It’s been a long time coming, but I’m getting back to my blogging!

This year has been pretty quiet on here. I’m not going to go into a big apology, as it’s getting a bit repetitive now!

The reason for my complete silence in 2014 has pretty much been down to one thing. One thing that I can safely say has taken up my whole year near enough.

I’ve bought a house and moved into my first home with my fiancé.

Wow, congratulations, I hear you say. Hm.

Yes, now we’re in our first home as a couple I can graciously accept any well wishes from people. However, there have been times this year that I seriously doubted if we’d ever get to this point. The amount of times I’ve heard ‘It’ll be worth it’ and ‘What will be will be’.

I’ve heard people say before, buying property is one of, if not the, most stressful thing you can do in life. Anyone else who has been in this position will agree with me, no truer word has been said. I’ve spent this year making myself ill with the whole drama.

We got engaged in December last year and quickly decided we needed to move into a home of our own before any wedding plans were made.

So 2014 was our year to move. Of course I already owned my flat so we needed to factor in selling that too.

I still to this day do not know what is the best way to go about buying and selling property. Should you put your home on the market first and then buy, or should you look around and secure somewhere and then sell? The market really does influence this.

We started this whole process in February this year, 9 whole months ago. I will need to go into detail into separate posts as to each different stage/element as there is too much to tell!

The market was ridiculous – we always seem to have a knack for timing things at the most hectic of times. There was the positive side that things were selling quick and at high prices, great news for selling my flat. However, when we came to view houses we were met with a lot higher asking prices than expected and by the time you saw them online and went to view them they had already been sold!

Dealing with estate agents and solicitors was by far the most horrendous part of the process. I have felt for months I’ve been juggling two jobs – acting as liaison between them all and as PA to my solicitors. My partner and I ended up bickering constantly through the stress and I vowed I would never move again.

It is funny, when I bought my flat, seven years ago, as a first time buyer, I thought that was a bit troublesome and remember at the time thinking the solicitor was so poor. Ah the naivety!

If I could go back and see my younger self I would tell myself how easy it all was and to embrace it and enjoy the fact the whole process took 3 months or less.

When you have something to sell as well it complicates things, when the property you are selling is a flat, it complicates it further. And if you own, but your partner doesn’t? Crank up that complication even more.

I feel like we’ve not had this year. I don’t remember key events or the seasons changing. The fact we’re in November doesn’t even feel real to me if I’m honest.

We’ve now been in our house for a month. The relief when we completed I cannot describe.

However, now of course, is the decorating and DIY.

The house is in relatively good condition so it’s not like we’re going all DIY-SOS. However, it seems once we do one thing I think of somewhere else to do. Plus we just started to feel a bit homely and now we’ve been decorating/having things fitted we are living in complete disarray again!

But of course, I know now, all I need to remember is those wise words ‘It’ll be worth it in the end’!

Time out!

Oh dear I was doing so well at regularly blogging...

So I am back (well for now)! Things have been a tad hectic of late - whether through work or personal life, a rollercoaster whirlwind few weeks have just whizzed past and I for one need a rest.

And that is exactly what I've got!

Isn't it funny that as soon as you get an inkling of some sort of upcoming positive event you start to immediately relax?

We obviously have the bank holiday weekend fast approaching us and I've rather last minute made a spur of the moment decision (not typical of little miss organised me at all!) to go away for a few days with my Auntie.

Just for a few days we're off to Majorca to (hopefully) catch some rays, drink some sangria, enjoy some good food and company and well just bloody well relax and chill out! 

Then when I get back I've got the rest of the week off work to allow me to go to a family wedding and allow myself some me time. Bliss! I cannot wait! 

Literally as soon as my boss signed it off this morning a weight lifted off my shoulders (although randomly I've now got a banging headache)! 

Yes I am still manically busy and my current personal woes are still there but there's a bit of respite and that means a hell of a lot.

I consider myself a relatively strong person who can deal with quite a bit before I break and I admit I am kind of proud I've made it to this point and survived! Sounds dramatic I know but believe me it has felt that way and I don't want to divulge all my personal life on the Internet so I won't go into too much more detail... 

On another positive point, for those who've been following my fitness and weight journey, I am now at my lowest weight. I managed to break the next barrier I wanted (granted I will put it all back on over the next week or so) but I've got there and now I know I can do it.

I've also found I don't need to go quite so mad on the exercise front and go to classes/exercise every single day. I CAN have a life and do social things too and then I find (surprise surprise) I'm truly doing exercise because I want to and enjoy it and not as some form of punishment to my body! 

I'm a bit rundown right now (hence the needed break) and so far this week l'm holding off on exercise - I went on the weekend and it did me no favours. I have to admit it's killing me though to think I won't be able to go to spinning so long!! 

So for now I will battle through until Thursday night and then it's time to hit 'reset' and allow myself some time for me. I can't wait!

And typical me but I also can't wait to be fully refreshed again so that after this time off I'm raring and ready to go, work and fitness wise! Well I can't relax for too long, I'll get bored!... 

One of my fave ways to try unwind on my break at work is a nice skinny mocha and my Kindle :)

Confused

How do you know when it's right or it's wrong
When to be more caring, or rather be strong?
To go with your heart more than using your head
Are you thinking your own thought or being easily led?
Should you give in to what feels easiest and best
Is it wrong to compare along with all the rest
How can you tell what's normal in life
Should it be more plain sailing and less of this strife?
When the tears are falling are they through sadness or joy
Are your feelings being played with like some sort of toy
Trying to do what you think is best
To give your mind and thoughts some kind of rest
Is sharing really gossiping and creating a sense of sides
Just talking and talking, your heart open wide
Creating a bad impression of those involved
Worrying about life's plans and now getting old
Enjoying alone time, then the guilt that soon follows
Wondering if all will become clear when waking tomorrow
Thinking you've reached a final decision in your mind
Then changing it over time after time
Guilt of not thinking enough about what matters
Focussing on the mundane when your world could be in tatters
The knot in your stomach that won't go away
Wanting to be held so much but not sure if that's the way
Wishing there was some kind of rule book of how these thing work
Have they taken the path of hardworking, or chosen to shirk
If love is no doubt then what else should matter in a world such as this
Having that comfort and a warm tender kiss
Is it wrong to be so comfortable with one another
Or is such an achievement something you should celebrate together
Over and over, round and round
The thoughts in your head are silent, but they make such a sound
Constant debate over what action to take
So worried what's best, no decision can you make
Feeling so free and rested for the shortest of times
Then soon back to the worry and whether to cross that line
Are family, love and length of time enough
Or does there have to be more nowadays when things are so tough
Feeling a nag, a bore and a constant teacher
Always dishing out support and advice like some kind of preacher
Placed on some kind of pedestal so high and so tall
Feeling like perhaps now might be your time to fall
Who will be there for you if you are suddenly alone
Are you giving up that future, that love and that home
When will life be less of the hiccups and blips to get over
Not asking much just the basics to mull over
Two jobs, a home, drive and ambition
Not feeling the everyday has to be such a mission
Just wanting to see some drive, common sense and a proactive approach
Without needing to be a makeshift lifecoach
Wanting to support like I have received
Worrying if I am selfish in this enforced rule to succeed
Time to stop now, I could continue all through the night
Worrying and debating what's wrong or what's right

Organised mayhem

I am a neat freak. If I were to be a Mr Men character I would be Little Miss Organised. I get nicknamed Monica (as in the Friends character) by my boyfriend and am teased at work for all my spreadsheets and colour coding!

But I just couldn’t be any other way. I think I get my habits from my Mum – when I was younger I would giggle at her and her numerous lists, fast forward 10 years and here I am compiling my own list after list after list.

To me I need this form of organisation to help me feel I’m on top of things and although somewhat sad I get so much satisfaction from ticking off something on my ‘to do’ list.

All hell broke loose when we switched from Outlook at work to Gmail. It took me a while but I soon found ways to use labels like folders and coloured stars like my priority flags. If there is something that needs calculating or keeping a record of you can bet I’ve got a spreadsheet of it!

If we’re going on holiday or away to a festival I will have a list written out of all the things I need to take and when I went for interviews for a new job the level of prep I did made my boyfriend laugh. I had the equivalent of a novel for the last one and proceeded to talk for about 30 minutes to my friend in the pub all about the company and what I knew from my research!

People may mock, but I do always have the answers when they need them and I always know where things are.

However, is it best to be obsessed with organisation or merry with mess? I’ve always thought it’s best to have everything clear and in order, but after dating someone who is so laid back he’s nearly horizontal for near on six years my attitude is starting to change.

You see although I have everything laid out how I want it, I panic. Trying to be organised actually can put more pressure on you because you worry. All. The. Time.

I’m doing a charity walk on Sunday and I’m currently having a bit of a panic as I’ve realised none of us have arranged where we’re meeting, what time and what we’re doing after the event. This to me is not ideal, I’ve already sent my email out to everyone to try and sort it and will anxiously await their replies, then order will be restored and I can relax!

The thing is although people I know are super laid back and are often not on time for things, they are far more relaxed than me and things still tend to work out in the end. Cries of “it’ll be fine” are often met with a disgruntled look from me, but then when we do get to the venue on time, we don’t miss the start of a show, or the start of that party was laid back, I find myself wondering is all my panic and planning worth it after all?

I’ll sit down for five minutes in my flat and then I’ll notice a bit of mess somewhere so up I get to go put it in a neat little pile, or I’ll remember some bit of shopping we’ve run out of so a list needs to get written as a result, or thoughts of ‘I’ll just put that bit of washing on’ creep into my head. This then spirals into me going on a 1-2 hour rampage round the flat tidying and organising and then I’ll sit back down and relax.

Sometimes on a car journey I’ll sit fraught with worry at how late we’re going to be the whole way, closely watching the clock as the minutes tick by. My other half will drive along not a care in the world, listening to the radio and chatting away and if the traffic grinds to a halt so what? As we arrive at our destination maybe a mere 2 or 3 minutes late I’m a tight-chested sweaty mess and he climbs out the car calm as anything and ready to enjoy himself.

As I’ve got older I’ve got worse and I can feel myself becoming more like my Mum every day (sorry Mum!) – if there’s something to worry about you can bet I’ll be there chewing my fingernails and losing sleep over it.

Perhaps as part of my new life –getting back into my writing, getting a new job and obtaining a good work/life balance - I should seriously think about relaxing and taking a more chilled out approach?

Hm now where’s that notepad? If I can just find it I can write a list of all the things I should keep calm about and what things don’t need planning and...Oh...

Comfort Eaters Anonymous

I'm being a bit naughty as I should be interview prepping right now, but after a three course meal for lunch and half a bottle of wine I'm feeling a teeny bit sleepy and lazy. Plus I've been trying to work out how to create and add my photo to this blog - hard work you know and very important stuff!


Anyways, I'm also feeling a bit sleepy as I woke up at 7 am today - on a Saturday, not good. The reason being was because I had absolutely awful cramp in my left calf muscle. This displeases me for many reasons, not just for waking me up and causing me pain, but primarily because I know it's a sign I've put on weight again and am eating too much crap.


A couple of years back something in me switched and I decided I was fat and I was the fat girl of my group and I didn't like it. Now at the time if I looked at photos of me I thought I looked okay and if you ask any family or friends they didn't particularly think I was this huge Shrek-like monster, BUT if I look back at old pictures now...OMG was I big...We're not talking 20-stone or ready to be a contestant on Biggest Loser or Supersize vs Superskinny (two favourite trashy TV indulgences of mine), but I was I'd say a big size 16 (and possibly an 18 but stuffed into size 16 clothes). Not good.


So I decided to change and I took it all very seriously - sorted out my diet and my exercise routine and I lost around two and half stone or so. This did me the world of good, boosted my confidence, meant I could fit in size 12-14 clothes and ensured tons of compliments from those around me. I felt more confident in my clothes, on nights out and even at work weirdly for some reason.


However, in some odd way I also found losing weight meant some people started to treat me differently (or not bother with me at all) and weirdly when I lost weight was when it all started to go a little Pete Tong for me at work (I am SO showing my age using such a reference).


Well what has this got to do with life now you ask, am I now a stick insect-like creature who is super happy with the prospect of soon leaving my awful job??? In a word, no. I am becoming a bit of a porker again - or at least I feel that way. My clothes are getting tighter again (admittedly my new 12-14 size clothes) and I can't remember the last time I was in the gym. The reason for this is I've been stressed and when I get stressed this means chocolate - well it kinda means chocolate, wine, takeaways, crisps, cakes, biscuits...you name it I'll eat it. Yes, like a lot of women out there I comfort eat. I love my food and oh how I wish for the day to be one of these people who says they eat because they have to and when they're stressing out they 'just can't eat'. Oh no, not me I stuff my face and comfort eat until I can eat no more.


So why is it that some of us comfort eat (and in turn put on weight and undo all our good work) and others just can't bear to eat more than a few crumbs when times are tough? 

The problem I've got now is that I've eaten lots, which helped me feel better at the time, but now I've got guilt because I've not been exercising and I'm putting on weight, in turn leading to lower self esteem because I know I don't look as good.


This study http://tgr.ph/aGVbBn  suggests that there could well be a gene which causes us anxiety when we're stressed and triggers us to eat what we refer to as comfort foods. So is it down to my genes as to why I like to eat when I'm stressed?... Is it somehow linked to control? So often people get eating disorders where they starve themselves or binge to make themselves sick just because to them it means they have control over things. 


Your parents/family life could also be to blame according to other studies http://bit.ly/cAPzmF so perhaps if you associate a particular food that maybe your parents used a reward when you were younger and had an accident, then you could turn to it in later life too.


Sometimes I've even found I'll try and comfort eat in secret so as not to look too much of a pig, which some could argue is a sign of an eating disorder if you start to consume food secretly.


A proportion of studies have even found that some people actually do the opposite and eat comfort food when they're happy. Come on guys, surely you're the messed up ones?! The clues in the name - eat to feel comfort...


Who knows what causes it, there could be a whole host of reasons, but for now I'm off to find my old uni mate (who often ate sticks of celery after a night out whilst we ate our toasties/burgers) and a close friend of mine who recently admitted she's got an addiction to grapes. Perhaps they can give me some tips...