Since when did relationships mean so little?

Tonight I tuned into Celebrity Big Brother.

Yes my TV choice is poor and trashy, I'm the first to admit that. I'll also 'fess up the reason I was so keen to watch it on +1 was because I'd heard a former housemate was coming back in to stir up trouble surrounding 'love rat' Lee Ryan (former member of boyband Blue).

Getting ready to wind down and head to bed this Sunday evening before work tomorrow I'm fuming at the attitude and behaviour of this childish 'player' who's messed non stop with the heads and hearts (and goodness knows what else!) of two of the reality show's female participants.

Whilst I am fully aware this is all fun and games for the cameras and to set up the headlines for their gossip and celebrity magazine features, Mr Ryan's antics got me thinking about a topic I've been meaning to blog about for a while.

Relationships. And in particular this seemingly increasingly common attitude to not taking them seriously. 

Throughout my life and friendship groups I've seen many experiences of people cheating, breaking up and things not being as well as they seemed on the surface. 

However whether it's been cheating, break ups or divorce, with people I know or those I've simply heard about, one common theme seems to run true. 

Relationships, moreso loyalty just does not seem to count for much anymore.

When did things change and it became so commonplace to walk away from a long term relationship without trying? 

Who prompted this behaviour of as soon as you've taken the next step (marriage, moving in together) one partner is tempted elsewhere? 

I've lost count of the number of females who have relayed tales of nights out being approached by men in relationships (most commonly married). 

Or people who seem to stay faithful for years of courtship and then do the dirty not long after tying the knot.

Me and my partner have always had similar views on this topic thankfully.

However, since getting engaged myself just over a month ago it hits home even harder for me now.

I just cannot imagine making that commitment (and why would you) to someone and not taking it seriously.

Don't get me wrong. I'm no angel and I've done my fair share of behaving badly, but I was very young and foolish and having grown up and being in what I realised were actual 'proper' relationships I've known I'd never ever do those things again.

Plus those of you who have ever been cheated on you'll know how it feels and personally I couldn't do that to another human after being through it myself. 

And I'm not trying to say us ladies are saints, oh no I know plenty of tales from both sides of the gender fence and ages too. 

I may sound extremely old fashioned and of course I don't want us to go back to a time when people were ashamed and frightened and stayed in abusive and unhappy relationships as a result. That is no good.

But in typical boy meets girl (or of course even boy meets boy) situations what's wrong with trying to stick at it and stay strong, trying to work through things together? 

Or even those who don't have issues to get through, why isn't one person enough? Why get yourself into these committed situations if you don't want to/can't commit? 

If you like to sleep around or have a wandering eye don't set up home with someone in the first place! 

And as for people with children that 'play away from home' that is something I just can't even talk about. 

I've always been a natural flirt when I'm out and my boyfriend is well aware, I think banter with the opposite sex is normal and harmless. In fact there is nothing wrong with appreciating that someone is attractive. But you don't act on it. 

Recently I went to a club which was one of my favourites. I love going out drinking and having a good dance (especially if there's garage involved!) I always remember commenting positively to the girls before on the types of men who go there. 

This was my first time back there since I got engaged. The music was okay and I had fun with friends, but I found all I wanted to do was stand/dance with my man and kept checking my ring sparkling away! 

One of the things I love about being engaged is feeling I really belong to someone (not in a caveman-esque way). Knowing someone cares about me that they want to spend the rest of their life with me.

I believe and hope that is what they mean by this gesture as well. 

When I sit and look at that ring on my finger I think of the person who gave it to me. I think of the future ahead. I think of the times we've been through. I don't for one second panic I'm now trapped and stuck with one person forever. I don't long for my hen night so I can plan one last evening to be a bit naughty. 

I just am so thankful it's finally my turn and I've found a soulmate. 

How people can take that sort of commitment with a pinch of salt and throw it away or treat it like it's nothing I will never know. 

Everybody has different goals and thoughts in life, but for me this is something that can't change over time.

You find love, you treat it with the respect it deserves and you sure as hell don't waste it. 

Reality TV? Who is the biggest loser?

This Tuesday, as I normally do, I came home, did some exercise, had a healthy dinner and then looked forward to turning on the television for The Biggest Loser. Some of you may well attach that label to me for admitting to watching such a show, but I admit it I am hooked.

I actually realised on the train home when starting to feel lazy, that in fact knowing this program was on prompted me to do exercise. Surely this can only be a good thing. Weird as it sounds, if I get lazy and don’t do my exercise on a Tuesday and then settle down to watch people on the screen shifting huge tyres, dragging buses and giving it their all in ‘last chance workout’ I feel awful. I’m trying to blog about my progress to keep me going and my boyfriend and I weigh in each Monday morning together to push each other on and support one another. This program seems to also be helping me in sticking to my plan.

However, this week whilst watching the episode I started to feel a little differently and it made me think about reality shows in general. Most of us will admit to loving a bit of reality TV, the whole sense of voyeurism is pretty addictive. Considering the people on them for a moment too you could argue they agree to go on the show and in most instances know what they’re letting themselves in for. There are shows on people losing weight, people changing gender, people getting jobs, people learning to dance, young people going out getting drunk, celebrity couples, the lot. You name it there has likely been a reality show on it, or if not there soon will be.

Since fitness is high on my agenda at present, I will focus on that area for now. I have been religiously watching The Biggest Loser on ITV and also before it Fat Fighters on Channel Four. Both take very different approaches to losing weight and also deal with participants in their own unique ways. Fat Fighters features trainers and clients at a trendy gym in London, where they try different techniques and showcase two people each week who come to them to get in shape or reach a new fitness goal. Although some of the program seems a bit far-fetched and you have one trainer constantly in high heels and a leotard, it does seem to work. Clients get to try cheerleader training, stiletto workouts and pole dancing to name a few of the more memorable classes on offer. The people are given support and their weight loss is checked for health and not just looking at how much they have shed. There isn’t so much a sense of competition, but praise on individual achievement and progress.

Alternatively on The Biggest Loser, I have noticed something which I just don’t understand. People who are still losing weight – albeit a smaller amount than others – are not congratulated on this progress. Instead they get a disappointed/disapproving look from Davina and are made to shuffle back, shame-faced in their super tight, body-on-show gym gear to their fellow contestants. Now I think the idea of the show is great and I understand these people have significant amounts of weight to lose, but the whole thing seems to be becoming a bit too much of a ‘game’ and competition, and not so much about people’s health and improvement.

This week’s episode summed it up whereby contestants admitted to having a ‘gameplan’ and used the ‘voting off’ session as a chance to get rid of someone who wasn’t their ‘friend’ or in their secret circle. Everyone seems to change their opinion on what is healthy and what isn’t, be it weight loss progress, what to eat, what to drink and so on. However, most advice I’ve seen is that healthy weight loss is around 1-2lbs per week, the longer it takes to come off, the longer it stays off. Yet when somebody loses 2lbs on The Biggest Loser they get downtrodden and looked badly upon or are given pity because they achieved such a meagre amount. This I don’t agree with.

Tasks where they get penalised with weight being added on to their weight loss percentage or ‘games’ where they have to eat lots of calories also defeats the object of the cause in my mind. I for one know when I need to get in shape and get healthy I need to keep pretty rigidly to my plan else I ‘fall off the wagon’ very easily and don’t stick to things.

I also don’t understand these contestants that go on there and are given an opportunity to be professionally trained and achieve unbelievable results, yet spend the time moping and making excuses. Or those that seem to go on these programs to attack others and act like playground bullies. Why go on the show?

Unfortunately as with most ‘reality’ TV the characters, competitors, contestants and stars of the program are the ones who seem to suffer for our enjoyment. Sebastian Faulks points towards this in part in his book A Week in December when referring to a ‘reality’ show where a contestant with mental health issues ends up killing themselves. Obviously this is a dramatised, exaggerated version of what we’re seeing but nonetheless makes you ask where will we stop?

The worst thing in all this? There is just something in our nature as human beings which reality TV seems to be able to use, it somehow flicks a switch inside and gets us well and truly hooked. No matter how much I complain and disagree with the approach of these programs and how the people in them are portrayed or treated, unfortunately I know I will still continue to hit that remote and tune in…

Since writing this and on the night I've realised I'm going to miss Fat Fighters and The Biggest Loser tomorrow (am genuinely upset!) I've noticed some insight onto how people are really trained on The Biggest Loser has been revealed by trainer Charlotte Ord http://charlotteord.blogspot.com/2012/01/what-training-in-biggest-loser-house.html