Counting away the days

Reminders reminders everywhere

Full flowing tears coming back and that stare

Everyone around seems to be having a baby

Ads, TV programmes, friends, all the picture of a happy family

Missing my Little Seed even more, that empty feeling even stronger inside

I thought I’d nearly reached the end of this emotional rollercoaster ride

Returning to work, people being nice, but I’m shocked how tired I seem

Just can’t believe it’s all real, life has gone and smashed our dream

Realising at this point it’d be the halfway mark

Right now we should be happy, having another scan, not in a world so cruel and dark

That desperate need to be a Mummy and having that little bump

Instead feeling lost, confidence blown, feeling a big fat lump

Getting nervous over the most basic day to day things

I thought the real me was back, until again started this sad daydreaming

People counting down, it was so long ago,

Surely she’s better and moved on? It’s forever, do they not know

That little life that ended all too soon, never to make it into our arms and world

A memory box is all that we have and my instinct our baby was a boy not a girl

Celebrating special events with loved ones are all too bittersweet

Reminders of where we should or could have been, fitting into our lifeplan all nice and neat

Instead seeing others with what we were meant to have, although of course happy for them too

Every day every night that slap in the face, trampling on your heart, it’s no longer that way for you

Moving forward and having good times again, feeling life maybe has some meaning for now​

Yet then you’re suddenly down and questioning and crying and grieving, such a dive, how?

Up and down, smiles then frown, sparks back in your eyes then teardrops

Feeling until you have that baby, maybe this will never stop?