Life begins at 40?

I always remember when young the many cards and items stating how Life Begins at 40.

However, since reaching 40 in recent years I feel it’s actually life’s aches and pains that start at this age! 

Previously I’d heard others say jokingly to wait until you hit 40 and you’ll start feeling old. 

I turned 40 three years back now and it was very odd, but literally within the month of my birthday I suddenly experienced random health problems!

Since then I’ve really felt my age with various health items.

The only way I can describe it is just being more aware of ageing. I feel I need to do more to take care of myself and to feel ‘normal’ even.

In addition, body shape and fitness have really changed. Previous ways to get back in shape no longer seem to work and I’ve had to adjust what I do.

Talking with other women in the gym and on the school run I know I’m not alone. 

It’s funny where people live longer nowadays I think I expected ageing symptoms to happen later on too. 

When you’re young, getting older seems such a long way away and your perspective is so different. 

I can remember seeing 30 year olds and thinking how grown up and old they were and how they had everything all sorted.

 

People tell you how they still feel in their 20s and now I get it, you’re still the same person inside but outside you change. It’s not until I look in the mirror and see my face I realise how different I look and that I am getting older. 

So what should you do? In the past people spoke about growing old gracefully or looked down on those who were seen to do the opposite of that.

Now? I think it’s more about having a balance and doing what’s right for you. 

Yes, I’m getting older and things are changing. Yes I’m getting all new aches and pains and some days I feel a lot older than I am. 

However, I also know from reading, instructors at the gym, various social media accounts and the like what I can do to help.

For example, certain exercises to do or avoid, such as doing more weight lifting to help build the muscle you lose as you get over 40.

So yes I definitely feel like aches and pains begin at 40, but it’s simply a case of learning to adapt and do what’s right for you!

Why I don’t want my daughter to be a people pleaser

The fact I’ve even written this title in itself is already an example of me wanting to make sure everything is right for everyone else and that it might all somehow be under my control.

I’ll admit it - I didn’t always realise this fact - but I’m a total people pleaser and have been for years, probably most of my life.

One thing that is different however, is that each year I’m increasingly aware of it and I’m forcing myself to stop or at least ease off. 

I find myself in awe of friends who just say it how it is and seemingly don’t think twice about the impact of their words and actions. They keep focussed on how it’s making them feel and what’s best for them and their wellbeing. 

I aspire to be this way and am moving closer in that direction, but I’ll admit I’m far from it.

And now where I’ve been a set way so long I find if I do stand my ground and put me first it comes at a price. Fall outs, dramas or me living with a horrible uneasy feeling and deep ache in my stomach feeling I’ve done wrong.

In my early 40s doesn’t exactly feel the best time to have realised this personality trait. Going through peri menopause and the hormonal rollercoaster that comes with it I find it hard to judge if I’m being unreasonable, sensitive or in actual fact correct, when I try to decide the best course of action.

As a Mum I’ve gotten far too comfortable at putting me at the bottom of the pile too, well because that’s what Mums do. Oh, or do they not?

In addition, like all parents I want to do some things differently for my children and try to help them develop traits I think will aid them throughout life. 

My eldest I can already see is super conscious of other’s feelings and wellbeing. This is a lovely trait and I’m so proud how kind and caring she is. However, I’m also wary that often she maybe cares too much and in turn she can care for others who don’t necessarily return the favour. 

At the same time, I don’t think it’s a good feature to not give any thought to others at all. 

So where’s the balance? How do we learn these traits? Can parenting impact our approach or are we either one way or another?

Can you change your ways if you’re a people pleaser? And even should you?