I’ll admit it - I didn’t always realise this fact - but I’m a total people pleaser and have been for years, probably most of my life.
One thing that is different however, is that each year I’m increasingly aware of it and I’m forcing myself to stop or at least ease off.
I find myself in awe of friends who just say it how it is and seemingly don’t think twice about the impact of their words and actions. They keep focussed on how it’s making them feel and what’s best for them and their wellbeing.
I aspire to be this way and am moving closer in that direction, but I’ll admit I’m far from it.
And now where I’ve been a set way so long I find if I do stand my ground and put me first it comes at a price. Fall outs, dramas or me living with a horrible uneasy feeling and deep ache in my stomach feeling I’ve done wrong.
In my early 40s doesn’t exactly feel the best time to have realised this personality trait. Going through peri menopause and the hormonal rollercoaster that comes with it I find it hard to judge if I’m being unreasonable, sensitive or in actual fact correct, when I try to decide the best course of action.
As a Mum I’ve gotten far too comfortable at putting me at the bottom of the pile too, well because that’s what Mums do. Oh, or do they not?
In addition, like all parents I want to do some things differently for my children and try to help them develop traits I think will aid them throughout life.
My eldest I can already see is super conscious of other’s feelings and wellbeing. This is a lovely trait and I’m so proud how kind and caring she is. However, I’m also wary that often she maybe cares too much and in turn she can care for others who don’t necessarily return the favour.
At the same time, I don’t think it’s a good feature to not give any thought to others at all.
So where’s the balance? How do we learn these traits? Can parenting impact our approach or are we either one way or another?
Can you change your ways if you’re a people pleaser? And even should you?
